Cold feet maybe… long :/

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you been intimate lately? A lot of the time the stress of planning the wedding can make you forget that you still have to work on the romance. Why don’t you plan a romantic night or weekend together and see how you feel after?

Member
6217 posts
Bee Keeper

Put down the wedding plans and work on your relationship. Forget the venue, the dishes, your laundry. Forget issues with family, or anything else you need to do in the world and just have some down time with your fiance. Go on a date and see if that rekindles anything. Go see a movie, go to dinner, a play, a concert, anything.

Do something that doesn’t involve the wedding.

Member
3504 posts
Sugar bee

This article that was published recently on HuffPo might be helpful to you:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheryl-paul/marriage-is-a-workinprogr_b_2475331.html?utm_hp_ref=weddings&ir=Weddings

I think, if you’re confident that you still look forward to being married to your FI, that’s a good sign. If you are ambivalent about the marriage itself, then it’s worth asking yourself some serious questions. Try to set the wedding aside entirely for the moment and just think about your feelings about *marriage* with this person – that’s the real question to ask yourself at this juncture.

Member
8834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@britK89:  Relationships do not maintain that new romance spark for more than a year or two.  The spark is exciting and part of every new relationship but over time that spark will die down and your relationship will become more of a partnership with moments of spark here and there.

I prefer the intimate, comfortable relationship that develops after the spark dies down a bit.  Does it mean you should think of your FH as your brother? No.  Are you unattracted to your FH or just missing the spark?  Do you have a relationship with your FH other than the spark?  Do you share common interests (hobbies other than sex) and common goals regarding your expectations for marriage, children, living arrangements, etc…?

I agree with PP that you should try to figure out whether you are just nervous or there is an actual concern regarding your impending marriage and married life?

Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You need to get down to it, but I think a lot of brides can identify with you. I can’t say I felt exactly like you, but I did find myself so consumed with planning and getting edgy when things didn’t go well that DH kind of kept his distance. A few months before the wedding I pretty much said f this and started letting things work themselves out and focused on DH and I, eating together, watching movies, and not talking wedding as much as possible.

Member
820 posts
Busy bee

@KCKnd2:  Thanks for posting that article! I came to this thread looking for a little comfort for a couple of my own anxieties and after reading that and the other replies I feel so much better.

Member
221 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been with my SO over three years and been friends for over 10. He’s the only one I’ve ever wanted and been with. There are still days though were the spark isn’t there. Alot of couples go through phases were their emotions and feelings go up and down. Sometimes I worry and have my moments but then I relax and regroup. Right now we are away from each other because of school and I think that was the best thing for us. It made us realize that we still want to be with each other and we want to keep the romance alive.

I think you should take some time away from planning the wedding and focus on you two for awhile. You could be just nervous and stressed out for now because of the planning. Go out for a movie, dinner, or do something spontaneous for the two of you.

Member
5685 posts
Bee Keeper

Argh… I think so many people can identify with this. I went through a short period where I felt very distant from FI a while back. It stemmed from several things.

- Planning a wedding is horribly stressful. You spend your whole life getting negative feedback, and what feels like zero support.

- His response to the stress of this is to hide, but he will eventually reach a point where fear of ******* up the wedding will outweigh this, and at that point then he will start giving you more positive feedback, and you will start making decisions together.

- As he gives you feedback, you wll finally feel as if you are a team once more.

Ask yourself this question: do you want not to be married to him, or do you not want a wedding? If your answer is “I want to be married, but I don’t want a wedding any more… I just want it to be over” then this is your answer… it’s the stress and misery of planning a wedding which is getting to you, rather than any serious issues within the relationship itself. In that case, the solution is to come clean and say that to him! You may find that he feels the same way, and then you can bond over that and start communicating again.

Yesterday, FI and I were saying that planning a wedding is probably good for couples, because it’s so stressful that it’s either a “kill or cure”… it either shoves you together or apart! But I think the idea that it’s a blissful process which makes you more in love than ever is a complete and total myth!

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Too early to stress, but..

  • Posted 2 months ago by wabanzi
  • 25 last comment

Rushing and stress taking over :(

What does pulling back mean to you?

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