- 5 years ago
Bee going anonymous.I dont know if this is normal, Maybe its just stress of planning a wedding.Maybe its just stress of living in a new city.Maybe we just got to comfurtable with eachother.Maybe this is just what marriage is like?
Im afraid that the love is dying(or has). I feel like this should be the best time of my life(our life), but I feel more stressed, scared and worried then ever, escecially as its getting closer, less then 4months away.
Im so confused I dont even know what I feel anymore, I havent got that feeling of being in love in what feels like forever. We have been together a few years, but recently(mainly after getting engaged) I just feel like feelings for eachother have slowly faded.When we’re together lately, I feel like he’s more of…like a sibling, if that makes since.I love him very much, and I dont know how to live without him, but here lately that seems in more of a family way. There isnt really a spark any more.
I have never felt so torn, I would never want to leave him, I couldnt imagine hurting him in that way. And I cant imagine my life without him. But here lately it scares the crap out of me, cant stop thinking that I wont ever have that feeling of love.Im tired of wedding planning.And everytime we do it together, He gets so cranky, I mean I know this isnt a guys cup of tea.But seriously, like everytime we have a day of doing wedding stuff we get so frustrated with eachother and cranky. I wish we could have fun doing this together.I feel selfish in a way that we’re having a wedding, I wish it could have just been a small wedding.
I just want to get it over with.
Maybe Im just freaking out because its coming up so close now? almost everything is paid for and everybody knows about it. Cant back out now.Im scared to talk about this with him, I dont want to ruin the day for him.And im not saying I dont want the day to happen, alot of the time im super excited about it myself. But here lately its slowly just starting to scare me.
I have always wanted marriage, couldnt wait for it, and I knew I wanted to marry him since I met him. Why is it freaking me out so badly now?I cant help but notice happy couples when out in public, And I feel so envious of what they have. Me and my FI feel so old sometimes, It feels like we have been married for years.
I have never been so equally torn in all my life, I just cant make since of what is the right thing to do. I cant help but think this could be a mistake, but how chilish and selfish must I be to cancel a wedding this for into planning(and this much money spent on it) I dont necessarily want to break up with FI, just wish we had more time before marriage now. But if we cancelled the wedding, we would surely break up.
Maybe I should stop worring about it so much, It could all be better after we’re married and all this wedding stuff is out of the way.
I dont know what im expecting you guys to say, but I have nobody to talk to about how im feeling. Because I dont really want anybody to know. I dont want people to judge me, I dont want people to tell me what to do, its easier said then done.