- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
So, I’ve started to have what some may call cold feet; I’m just not sure if it’s something more. Lately just all of these doubts have started to crop up, and I honestly haven’t had them before. The only thing I doubted before was the actual wedding; lots of stress, money worries, etc. We’ve been together for 6 years, and engaged for 2. We have had many many ups and downs, including some very hard/bad time, but we have come through it and things seem to have gotten more then good, especially this last year. I think it’s the “Forever” that’s starting to get all of these concerns up to the surface. But I’m not entirely sure they’re unjustified or completely serious.
For one, we are very different people. It’s been fine for us, no major problems, just some minor butting of heads and stuff; and you know, opposites attract and all that. However, thinking about forever, some of our opposites could be a huge problem. The way we deal with money for instance, he spends what he has and doesn’t mind being in a bit of debt (and still is) and I save everything I can, and live off of as little as possible.
Also, we have been fighting a lot more lately. It could be just wedding stress; me wanting him to be more involved then he has been (normal guy stuff though).
A really big worry is the difference between us sexually. He can not wait to get married and become extremely active (again, typical guy stuff) and even now, he is usually the one to initiate anything physical, even cuddling. It’s less of anything to do with him, and more about how I am sexually. You have no idea how awkward it is to talk about this, but honestly, I’m not really all that interested in…anything sexually. I never have been. I’m just not a very sexual person. I don’t mind kissing and cuddling or anything, but I’m not usually “In the mood” ever and I definitely am not usually the one to initiate. I’m extremely worried about getting married and having those expectations and either not fulfilling them, or doing so when I don’t want to. I am also on medication that is known to decrease the libido.
I’ve also been having some trouble with his mother. She didn’t send the Save the Dates till months later then they were supposed to be and promised. When I tried to fix the situation and help, she refused and wouldn’t talk to me about it and wouldn’t give me the addresses so that I could do it myself. Now that it’s time to sent the invitations, she volunteered to address them (it seemed to be like her way of apologizing for the Save the Date issue) but now keeps putting it off and wont work with me at all on compromising a way to get them done soon so that I can send them.
I know this is a lot; sorry to keep typing here, but this is a big one. My fiancé is currently out of work. He was hit by a car, and is now in therapy and is unable to work because of it all. I know this isn’t his fault, but it has put a huge strain on me as I am the only one who is paying for the wedding; more importantly though, I just got accepted into grad school. I have been saving for the tuition, but it is obviously not going to be enough. Originally, the plan was that I would go to school full time (so that I can graduate faster) and he would find work to pay for our rent (oh yeah, important info, we are going to have to move to a different city for me to go to school, completely different area) and all our other expensive, and we would use my savings as an emergency fund or to pay off student loans right after graduation. Obviously, this whole can’t work thing has put a crimp in that plan, and my savings would only pay for 7 months of rent (rent only) and then after that, there would be nothing. I have a feeling I’m going to have to refuse my acceptance if I’m going to get married, but really I don’t know if it’s what I really want anymore.
I really just don’t know what to do anymore, and I can’t do this alone. I’m scared that I’ve just been with him this whole time because it’s what I’m used to, nothing more. I need help. Is this normal cold feet, or could it be some legitimate fears?