- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
Hi, all. Just posting under a secret username for some much needed support.
I’ve been engaged for a year and we have not planned the wedding at all yet. FI and I are waiting until he finishes his post-grad degree next summer to make plans. The problem is, even though I have this lovely ring on my finger and a good guy on my arm, I’m having second thoughts.
He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with. He was my first kiss at age 16 and we’ve been together for 8 years since then. I went away to college at 17 and ended up transferring back home for him. He cheated on me once when we were 18, and we broke up for a little while before patching things up, but that was years ago and he has truly matured since then. We have had years since then to rebuild trust and become a stronger couple. And in most ways, we HAVE become stronger since then. He truly has seen the error of his ways and feels horrible for his indiscretion. I 100% trust him that he would never do that again.
However, at this point I feel like we are just “safe” together. I feel like I can’t do some of the things I’ve always wanted to try, like live abroad or meet a thousand new people or just be super carefree for once. But FI and I are comfortable in our roles.
I’ve had this sneaking thought that maybe he’s not “the one” for a while. I don’t think he’s my soulmate. I’m a total romantic and I really believe in that whole soulmate thing. I think FI is “one of the ones” who I could be fine with. Our marriage would work and be just fine. We work well together, have the same friends, and eventually want the same things in life (kids, a dog, money well invested, etc.). But I have a feeling I can’t be totally happy in life with “just fine.” Like I said: I’m a romantic. I want to be swept off my feet in Paris or something ridiculous like that.
The thing that spurned me to think about this to the point I needed to write it down here happened a couple nights ago. I went to a party and met a guy I found interesting, smart, and handsome. The kind of person who if my FI didn’t exist I might have really liked. It bothers me SO much. Of course I didn’t do anything, nothing at all, and I NEVER would. But the fact I had a twinge of lust for someone else makes me feel like a demon. And in my romantic, stupid heart I know that I would never even care to think of someone else that way if I were with my soulmate.
I don’t know what to do. Or how to break up with him after 8 years of being each other’s best friends. I love his family so so much too, and mine loves him. We have been on trips and cruises together. We spend holidays together. We are all close and I hate so much to drag others down with me. I hate to make his parents feel like I haven’t appreciated everything they’ve done for me for the last 8 years. Or to make my parents feel like what they’ve done for FI has been for naught.
I’m not sure what I’m asking for from you, dear Bees. Words of support and wisdom, I suppose? Have you broken an engagement? Will I get through this, if I can even muster the strength to do it? Maybe I should be fine with “just fine”. So many are lucky to have just that and nothing more. Maybe romance is just in the movies.