(Closed) Cold feet or something worse? Venting. (Long.)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t know what you should do, but I do know that you will still find other people interesting and attractive and fun even if/when you find a soulmate.  

But couldn’t you live abroad and have a romantic trip with your partner now? Have you ever thought your SO was your soulmate? Can you liven things up?

If not, I don’t think you should settle for something that doesn’t make you happy– I just don’t want you to have unrealistic expectations about what makes a romantic and fun relationship.  It’s a lot of work!  I love my husband and think he’s absolutely the one for me, but it doesn’t always come easy.  

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can’t tell you if you should break up or not. But I can tell you that it’s exciting and intoxicating to meet someone new, to flirt and daydream. It doesn’t make you a demon. It majestic you human.

The whole “swept off my feet” feeling will fade with any partner. Time takes its toll. It’s impossible to keep up the frantic pace of new love for years and decades. in 5 years, no one is going to make you feel as dizzy and giddy as you felt on your first date. You’ll find a comfortable groove in any relationship, and that’s just normal.

For your current relationship, only you can tell if you need to move on. But if it’s simply that you’ve fallen into a routine that is giving you itchy feet, life isn’t like the movies; you’ll fall into a routine with any partner. But that’s not a bad thing and I hope it doesn’t sound that way. It’s actually quite lovely to have a solid, safe, effortless relationship.

Post # 6
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I believe in warning signs. I am a divorced woman, and I had them before I got married. Think long and hard, it is okay to change your mind.

 

I am not saying don’t get married, I am just saying take your time and listen to your soul. Marriage is the biggest committment you will ever make outside of having kids.

Post # 7
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

you don’t suck, you just don’t know what you want.  are you still in school– can you study abroad or take an internship or find some way to get some time to clear your head?

Post # 8
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Relationships aren’t like in the movies they take work, they have highs and lows. They’re never as perfect as the movies, but that makes them better. Reality may never meet your romantic ideals, I find that mine doesn’t but I’m so happy that I wouldn’t change anything. It sounds to me that you’ve fallen into a rut in your realtionship and gotten bored. Don’t throw a good thing away that you’ve invested so much into because you haven’t tried to change things up. I think you need to have a talk with your partner and take some time to work on your relationship before giving up.

Post # 10
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Are you sure you’re not confusing being bored with your life with an imperfect relationship? Have you two thought about taking a trip, or even moving abroad? Taking a new job? 

Please don’t think a fleeting crush means your relationship isn’t right. That happens to all of us. It sounds like you need to shake things up. 

Post # 13
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t believe in soul mates, so you can take this with a grain of salt.

It’s 100% normal for couples who’ve been together for many years to get stuck in rut where romance fades and life becomes boring and routine. This happens to pretty much any couple who isn’t careful to keep the spice going. Odds are, if you met a romantic guy who swept you off your feet, 8 years later life would be more of a boring routine because that’s just how relationships work.

Instead of breaking up with your FI, why not try to spice things up a little and see how that makes you feel? Plan dates, take romantic vacations, wear sexy lingerie, spend a whole day or weekend in bed together.

Post # 15
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was in the same boat you are in now….

Years ago I was with a man I really loved, I took a 14 hour flight to meet him and we lived together for a month. We’d known each other for 2 years and we went from friends to lovers to being a full-fledged serious couple. He cheated on me and we broke up for awhile, got back together and we grew stronger together. I moved back to America to and in a few months he was supposed to move back here with me for about a year then we’d move back to where he lived. Well that didn’t happen….He had job prospects he had to finish up before he could come here. One day while I was at college I met an amazing man, he threw me through a loop, I felt something I had never felt before. It wasn’t “he’s new, this is new” type of infatuation it was something else….

I was so afraid, I was scared for what I was feeling with this guy. With my boyfriend at the time I felt safe, we were compatible and things worked fine. But then I had to start asking myself the hard questions, like you are doing now. “Am I okay with being fine for the rest of my life, complacent?” , “Do I really want to be with boy #1 forever?” And other such questions….I realized so many things about myself, about our relationship. I had given this guy my all, I had nothing left to give and yet he still wasn’t fully happy (He just couldn’t bring himself to admit it) so long story short I ended that relationship and began dating this “new” guy who is now my FI.

I am not going to say you need to break up with your FI, that is something you are really going to have to think on for yourself and then act on. I am a romantic too and I personally believe that if the man doesn’t sweep you off your feet *metaphorically speaking* if you don’t feel that over the moon, world series kind of love then maybe you want to look else where, regaurdless what people say that love is out there, I have it with my FI, sure loving him is an action, there are days sometimes months where I have to work at loving him, but my heart…my soul knows that he is my love, is my soul mate. 

I wish you good luck and please let us an update if you can~

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