- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
We are two weeks from the wedding – and things are coming together. But it seems like FI and I are arguing over EVERY detail. He wants LESS alcohol at the party – I want more. He wants to take people to the cheapest places in town during the week for dinner – I want to take them to some nicer places with a few cheapies thrown in.
The problem isn’t these random details – it’s just that here we are 2 weeks from the wedding – and he is annoying he heCK out of me. I feel like SUCH a jerk saying that. He’s a really good person. TRULY.
But right now I feel ZERO attraction to him because I feel like we do not agree on anything and that he often does not think things through before he starts arguing with me about them. For instance, I’ve been planning this weddnig for two years – and here we are 2 weeks from the day and suddenly he’s got ALL THESE SUGGESTIONS – and criticisms of every single detail. I try to explain to him how emotional of a process this is for women – how many thousands of hours I have invested and how much intense thought I’ve put into each detail while he did not care about ANY of the details at ALL. Suddenly, he has strong opinions on things and is vehemently disagreeing with me about things I’ve put TONS of thought into.
When I try to explain to him that the last weeks is an incredibly stressful time already, without having to re-think every detail, he just cannot relate to why I can’t suddenly change plans.
He just CANNOT fathom how much time and thought I’ve put into these details – I mean, I’ve been handling EVERY DETAIL (this is mostly because I’m a control freak – but also because he’s been very busy with work and just isn’t as good at this kind of thing – and I care FAR more about the details than he doeas)
But I know when EACH of our guests arrive – where they are staying – what activities they are doing – what their food allergies are – I mean all of it.
Suddenly, he’s like, “Let’s not do cupcakes . . . they are so typical at a wedding.” I’m like . . . um – we can’t just CHANGE that – and thanks for dismissing how much time I put into taste-testing cupcakes and picking the look and style of them for our theme –
I mean – I GET it – he’s a guy and just doesn’t really get the weirdness of wedding details – like cupcakes themes – I mean I get that.
But what’s frustrating is that when I try to explain it – how much time I’ve put in – it’s like he just stares at me blankly and doesn’t have the ability to empathize with that.
And then I just look at him like, “Is this the guy I’m spending my whole life with? He can’t even empathize!”
Anyway – I think it’s mostly just cold feet. We were apart for about a month while he was working elsewhere and I was here planning the final details of the wedding – now he’s back and we’re around each other full time and suddenly he’s making all these critiques and proclamations – and I kind of HATE him right now. Like, seriously – feeling ZERO attraction.
I want to feel loving towards him – because I DO love him.
But suddenly I’m like – I hate to say this – I’m like, “Am I sure this is who I want to be stuck with forever? He is ANNOYING!!!”
He’s an amazing person.
But suddenly I am just feeling SO irritated by him – and kind of don’t want to be around him at all.
This breaks my heart.
I don’t want to have to fake it on my wedding day – and smile like I’m excited – when I feel INCREDIBLY annoyed by him.
I know I sound like a jerk.
I am hoping it’s just the stress.
We usually get along well – but these issues are always issues in our relationship – how condescending and critical he can sound. How he speaks without thinking a lot of the time.
I don’t know – I just kind of wish we had never said “marriage” – because I love him.
But suddenly – I just don’t know anymore.
I mean – I am not ready to call off the wedding. Because I know enough to recognize that this could just be the stress and “cold feet” I’ve heard so much about.
But I’m hoping I feel SOMETHING POSITIVE on my wedding day.
Because right now – I kinda don’t want to be in the same room with him.
Which makes it hard to get excited about the details – and the fun stuff.
I just want him to go away and leave me alone.
Encouragement? I could use it. Thanks.