Post # 1
I just can’t believe the email that was waiting for me when i got to work this morning!!!
A little background – i recently got married and i’m obviously very happy about that, but i guess i also feel a slight “post-wedding slump” …
Still i am really happy to be married and would not want to go back to the pre-wedding madness…
However my two colleagues at work yesterday said that i just don’t seem very happy recently. That was a surprise to me and i truly am happy, just trying to adjust back to the normal rhythm of life i guess.
Anyway this morning this is the email that one of my colleagues has written to me last night:
Reasons that you should be happy:
You have your health (a neighbour of ours who has young children is busy fighting for her life) You have a home You have a loving husband and family You have enough money to put food on your table (there are many africans who are letting their children die as they have no food) You have a job (loads of people don’t) You have loads of time (if you have kids that will all change)
If you don’t want to do the triathlon – don’t no one is forcing you. You should want it for yourself – see it as a challenge just like a perfect wedding was….
If you are truly unhappy ask yourself why and then go about changing it – challenging yourself. Look into setting up a cake shop if that is what you want. From what I can see S’s salary can keep you both while you do it. Volunteer to change someone else’s life even in the smallest way. Bake someone a cake just because you think they deserve it.
A holiday is a fleeting moment compared to you life. It won’t bring you true fulfilment or happiness.
- I am registered to do a triathlon in 3 weeks, but am in doubt as i have not really had enough time to train because of the wedding…
- S – my husband
- Cake shop – i might have mentioned in a conversation that i would like my own cake shop rather than doing an office job… But i’m not actually that serious about it right now.
- She mentiones holiday – i said i would like to go on a holiday, but don’t have any holiday time left for this summer (because of the wedding)
- BUT REALLY!?! “the starving children of Africa…” Really!!??!!
To me this whole email seems so incredibly patronizing – i’m not some spoiled teenager that don’t realize that i have a good life!! Besides we are colleagues, NOT friends and i really think that she has overstepped the “colleague line” here. Even if i was unhappy, in my opinion she is in no position to give me this lecture…
What would you think? How would you reply?? Am i overreacting?
Post # 3
That’s very, very strange. Even if it came from a friend I would think it was weird, and you say it’s from a co-worker. It doesn’t come accross as a concerned individual, but more like someone lecturing you about being moody.
I wouldn’t even email this person back if I were you. Bizarre…
Post # 4
I would reply and I don’t think you are overreacting.
Thank you for your interest in my life. However, the many decisions of my life are primarily based on my friends and family. I am greatful for them every day but there are times when I am stressed out due to some aspects of life. That being said I would remind you to keep your and my relationship where it belongs, in the work place. I do not appreciate your email as it was partonizing and rude. I also do not like to be office fodder for any psuedopsychiatrist who feels the need to take a look at my life and try to figure out what is wrong.
None of your business
PS (only a joke postscript here) Since we are so close that you feel you can comment on some things, please take some advice…put down the doughnuts. (Then talk about the high numbers of obesity in America)
Post # 5
WHOA. Not their/her place at all to send you such an email. Perhaps she is just being “motherly” or thinking she is helping but yes I agree she overstepped. I think she must be bored to dip into telling you such things. 😉
What to do? I would ignore it or simply write: “Wow, thanks for taking the time to write all of that. I appreciate your concern and will take your words into consideration. I think I will go bake a cake for the starving children in Africa now.” Or, you could bake HER a cake that says “EFF OFF.”
Seriously, in the future be cordial while completely taking in the reigns on anything personal whatsoever with these people. They are colleagues, and for the sake of your sanity, be very very careful what you share in the workplace from now on.
Post # 6
@GeekChic:Love that reply!!! I wish i was strong enought to send that!!
@Cornflakegirl: I am seriously considering sending your suggested reply!! I know it will ruin our relationship at work, but really after this it’s probably ruined anyway from my point of view.
AND yes i will have to be so careful as to what i say about my personal life at work…
Post # 7
i agree with you that the message is REALLY stepping over the line and into your personal buisness! i would honestly give it a couple days to kinda cool off and think.
i would personally reply with something along the lines of “thank you for your concern but there is no reason for you to worry yourself about my personal life. im quite happy with my life currently and my future with “S” is exciting and full of possibilities. im sorry if you got the wrong impression from myself or other collegues. i hope that this will not affect our work relationship – MrsP”
there at least it is still porfessional and you are reaffirming that she is your collegue and not a friend as well as bascially saying im happy leave well enough alone without being super snarky about it. but i would advise something rather cool and impersonal. remember dont write anything that you may regret and done give her anything to throw back at you and/or get you in trouble with your workplace ( i have seen it happen)
Post # 8
Here is what i would really like to send her:
Thanks for taking the time to write all of that. I appreciate your concern and will take your words into consideration. I think I will bake a cake for the starving children in Africa tonight.
PS> Would you deliver the cake for me when you move to Congo?
* Added the part about Congo, because she is considering moving there for work.
I’m really itching to press “send”, but i’m a little worried it might escalate and make things really weird.
Post # 9
umm..she is definitely out of line and an idiot. Yes, it sounds like she thinks you are ungrateful and are overlooking the good things in your life. She obviously doesn’t understand the serious nature of depression either if she thinks one can simply change their mood.
Honestly, I’d probably write her a letter back similar to the one another pp wrote above!
Post # 10
I appreciate that! Whereas i would love to send her the snarky response i acknowledge that your reply would be the right thing to do here to keep the peace…
I think i’ll think about that a little before doing something i might regret.
Post # 11
Whoever wrote that email has too much time on their hands. That is very rude to assume that you are unhappy. Why didnt they talk to you and ask you how you’ve been feel. A true friend that really cares for you wouldnt do that. That is very passive aggressive. You should reply that they need to mind their business and stay out of yours.
Post # 12
Wow!! It turns out she has already been telling other people at the office how i’m dropping out of doing the triathlon! (I have not told her that i’m dropping out, i said i’m in doubt)
Unbelievable!! I haven’t responded to her yet, but i’m really getting angry now..
Some people just really surprise you (and not in a nice way)!!
Post # 14
Sheesh…Next time this lady has a bad day, maybe you should remind her of how good she has it compared to some people. I can’t stand it when people just don’t you vent or have a bad day.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t reply to her email, but simply walk up to her and say, “Thanks for your concern, I realize now that I shouldn’t be discussing my personal life with you, as you make things your business that really aren’t. Oh, and I would really appreciate if you would stop telling our coworkers my business, unless you would like me to do the same for you.”