Post # 1
My fiance and I are both in college. This is a huge reason why marriage is a ways off. We slept together after being together for over a year. We are now engaged and still sleep together some. We basically feel married in every way that counts. I just don’t know if sex between an engaged couple is wrong. We are going to be spending the rest of our lives together. Does saying “I Do” in front of 100 people magically change everything?
Post # 3
@KristenTN152: I think thats up to you and your fiance. I don’t know what denomination you are, but views on premarital sex vary a lot between different denominations.
Post # 4
My fiance and I have been together for 3 years and we slept together pretty quickly after getting in a relationship just a stupid immature teenage move. We met in high school. Are there times where we feel completely married and lame? Yeah but we both love eachother with everything we have and still find eachother extremely attractive. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but if you arn’t attracted to that person and feel the need to be with them it would be sad for you to feel like your relationship is pointless. Your wedding day will change tings for a couple of weeks but then you will go back to how things are. My fiance and I are both still in college also so i get what ur sayin!
Post # 5
@KristenTN152: I agree with asscherlover.. its all about what denomination you are and what YOU think about it! I am an atheist so I can’t be of too much help whether or not you are sinning/in the wrong.. but I would have a deep thought about how you feel about it and what your religion teaches you (if this is what you are concerned about – if you are not concerned about the religious aspect I would say … do what you want!).
Post # 6
I think about it like this. God is your father. Why would your father not want you to have sex?
– Because you might get a disease (practise safe sex).
– Because you might get pregnant (again, practise safe sex).
– Because when you have casual sex/**** buddies, one person is always going to end up liking the other more than the other likes them, and someone will end up getting hurt? And that’s not nice.
– Because sex, especially casual sex, tends to complicate our interpersonal relationships and make them more difficult.
– Because (especially with one night stands) it is not kind to treat people as if they are disposable, and shows a lack of respect for other human beings which is typical of our “disposable, I want it now” culture? (NB. I didn’t always think this way, but as I have got older then I have changed my mind)
In the Bible, the answer is clear… it is to protect the woman from being cast aside with no legal rights. This is no longer as relevant today, but the reasons above are. Do any of these apply to you? No? Then I don’t see a problem. But maybe that’s just me.
Post # 7
My Fiance and I are waiting to have intercourse. We’re both religious (he’s Catholic, I’m Protestant). With my church, they would rather us wait, but if you’re in a loving, committed relationship and you are going to get married, then my church does not view it as a sin.
Personally, I’ve wanted to wait because if our methods of contraception didn’t work and we had a child, we wouldn’t have been ready to raise a baby. I’m in a profession where it is frowned upon to have a child out of wedlock (they obviously can’t let an employee go if it would happen, but it is not looked upon kindly). Plus, Fiance has been living out of town for the past few years while he was finishing up his Master’s degree.
I am also a worrywart. I know I wouldn’t enjoy it if I was thinking about all of those things. When we’re married, if we would have an “oops”, I feel that it wouldn’t be as stressful if it would have happened earlier.
Post # 8
I will be perfectly honest with you, because you asked this question, and you posted this on the Christian board.
It truly does not matter what you think. It truly does not matter what your Fiance thinks. It doesn’t matter what your denomination may teach, and it certainly doesn’t matter what I or any other bee in the Hive thinks.
The ONLY thing that matters is what God’s Word says. And His Word makes very clear that sex, outside of the bonds of marriage between a husband and wife, is sin. Scripture also points out the dangers and consequences of people choosing to do what is right “in their own eyes” instead of what is right in His.
I know that waiting for God’s plan and God’s timing in matters of love and marriage is not easy. However, obedience to His commands is ALWAYS worth it. If I did not believe that, I would not have been a virgin bride when I married … in my mid 40s.
I encourage you and your Fiance to search God’s Word to find the answers you seek and to ask the Holy Spirit to give you the strength and desire to obey it.
Post # 9
I see the issue with couples who are not engaged. The issue I struggle with is during engagement.
Post # 10
@KristenTN152: The problem with engagement is that it is not marriage. Engagement is only an expression of the intent to marry. It’s also the last opportunity for someone to change his or her mind about the relationship prior to marriage.
I don’t know what the current statistics are, but, at one point approximately 50 percent of all engagements never actually made it to the altar. Even if that percentage is much higher now, it’s still irrelevant. Engagement is engagement. Marriage is marriage.
I was engaged once before, when I was 30. My then-FI and I loved each other very much. However, long story short, God eventually made it clear to me during the engagement that I should not move forward with that wedding. As difficult and painful as it was for me to walk away, I did. At the time I walked away, I had no idea that I would have to wait 15 more years to meet the man whom God had chosen to be my husband. It was a long, long period of waiting. But it was worth it.
I really encourage you to take God at his Word, Kristen, and to trust Him completely, even when you do not understand the “why” behind the “what.” Even though you and your Fiance have compromised in the past, it is absolutely not too late to recommit yourselves to doing things God’s way from here on out. He will give you the power and strength to obey Him, if you ask Him. And He will honor you for honoring Him.
Post # 11
@Brielle: Agreed. I was gonna write a big long explanation – but you nailed it.
@KristenTN152: You aren’t married – whether you feel it or not, you’re NOT married and God clearly states that He created sex for marriage. Does saying “I do” in front of 100 people change anything – no. Does making a marital commitment in front of God change anything – absolutely. Marriage is a sacred union, made before God and witnesses. Yes, you’ve committed to GET married – But you’re not married yet.
And like PP said, many engagements don’t make it to the altar. My old Youth Pastor was engaged, and it was ended. My brother was ready to propose, and it was ended. I had friends in college who were engaged, and ended it. I realize you don’t think this will happen to you, but I don’t think these people thought it either. It’s not easy or fun – But it is worth waiting until you are married. Based on your post, I see that you have had sex – so it’s worth stopping until you are married to him!
Post # 12
I think you should do what YOU feel is right…
Post # 13
Brielle really nailed it on the head with the “Christian ” advice. The world will tell you ” do what feels right” which is nothing more than following your flesh 99 % of the time. The Enemy does a great job at slightly ever so tactfully twisting the truth- it comes across as very logical , practical and rewarding but in the eyes of God it is essentially disobedience. We all make mistakes and we are forgiven- Thank you Jesus! We are not perfect and will NEVER be. But what you really can’t get away with is knowing the truth ( His Word and Him are one aka the scripture), and ignoring it.
The part where you stand in front of 2 people or 100 people is actually the important part. Marriage is a covenant in the Bible and that starts with making public commitment to each other.
No, it doesn’t matter where you do it, what your wear, if you have food , or you dance etc etc, its about the public profession of commitment ( your vows). I highly suggest you spend some time in the Scriptures and also study early Jewish wedding practices in the time of Christ , so you see what really made someone “married” and how it differed from betrothal aka “engagement”.
In light of all your comparisons…college isn’t a big deal then either. You said you are like already married ( you feel married)….. so … Why don’t you just go on down to the courthouse and get married or have a small ceremony at your Church. Then when your done with college, have a more grand affair. Or is it really you are no where near ready to get married ( financially, spiritually, emotionally) but you just want to be physical? So you feel being engaged solves that problem?
Post # 14
@Rachel631: Honestly, I agree with this comment the most.
Post # 15
I feel like this post might get ugly.
Post # 16
I agree 120% with you ladies!! Since it was posted in the chirstian board I assume op wanted advice according to the Bible and you ladies said everything I wanted to say!