Post # 1
First post, I opened an account because I have a dilemma. My FI and I have been engaged now for a month and we keep going back and fourth with what kind of wedding to have. He is very low key and laid back, does not care to have a ceremony or reception. He has been trying to talk me into visiting the courthouse so we can move in and start our lives. To be honest we really cant affored the wedding i want to have. I am just feel so stuck bc I still want to feel pretty and wear a dress and it to be MY DAY not just another bride in line. Please help!! any advive. I am college student and full time nanny so money isn’t exactly flowing.
Post # 3
First off, welcome to the Hive ! My best advice would be to start looking up the Internet for budget brides, budget weddings, etc. There are TONS of ideas on how to cut expenses, or to get what you’d like at a fraction of the price, if you’re creative or wanting to craft a little (DIY, mock-ups).
I would start off by discussing a budget with your FI. How much are you willing to spend total ? And for how many people (very important to start by the guest list, and it will be useful when looking for a venue later).
I would then proceed to this exercise with your FI : top 3 priorities for your wedding you’re willing your budget to be mainly about, bottom 3 expenses (what would skip, what is not important to spend money for ?) Set your priorities. Many Bees have had their dream wedding for a few K only, setting priorities, shopping and crafting a lot, and being creative and thinking out of the box, and having help from their entourage (ex.: if someone can bake and decorate a cake in your family, if one of your friend is good at make up, etc.).
With a little research I’m sure you can find a lot of ideas and tricks that will inspire you to have your dream wedding, without being too expensive.
Post # 5
@Tamronadon: Check out OffBeat and Budget Bride websites!
I had a 42 person formal luncheon for 3k, and we took our closest friends out dancing in a party bus that night (and paid for everything) for another 1K!
Post # 6
@Tamronadon: Hi and welcome!
You know sometimes in life you don’t always get exactly what you want. It happens even to the best of us! However, there are some really great Plan B options or other scenarios that will work out just as well.
If you do go to the courthouse, you could still get a lovely dress (maybe even one you could rewear!) and go out to a nice dinner.
Her eis what I would do. Keep track of your spending for a few months = both of your spending. Subtract that from your monthly income. Now you know roughly what you can both save per month. Do you have an emergency fund? If not, start funding that first. A wedding should never come before emergency savings.
Then think of a few ideas and see how much they cost. You don’t have to plan something, just sit on the idea for a while. Once you see how much things costs, maybe you’ll decide you want to keep your hard earned $$ in your pocket instead!
Post # 7
@Tamronadon: I got married about two months ago and here is what I learned from planning my wedding: All of the things you thought were going to make or break the day (flowers, decor, bridesmaid dresses, the music) don’t really matter. Yes, they all help to make the day more beautiful, but the memories and things I cherish most from the day were being surrounded by all of the people I love, my dad walking me down the aisle, seeing my best friend from high school whom I hadn’t seen in years – all things that couldn’t be purchased and that would have happened regardless of the amount of money we spent. My point is, before the wedding I felt like the venue, the decor, the selection at the bar were all really important and would have big effects on how much people enjoyed my wedding, but they didn’t. I would have been just as happy had we gotten married in a barn and had pizza and beer for dinner and so would our guests.
It doesn’t surprise me that your FI would be fine going to the courthouse – he’s a guy, they don’t tend to care about the pretty details that make weddings into events. And I totally understand that you want your wedding day to be special. I guess what I’m saying is that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to make your wedding special.
And don’t watch anything on TLC between now and the time you get married. Reality TV about weddings are so unrealistic and they only distort your expectations.
Post # 8
@ellie-b: I love what you said about what truly matters about weddings, and how the most important things can not be purchased (love, joy, friends, family). There is a huge pressure to get a beautiful to the last detail wedding … while nobody notices the details as much than the bride. Nobody will notice if the bride chose to put this flower instead of this one, or 3 candles instead of 4. But we spend hours thinking this through, and stressing over the ”perfect” way to match everything. Thanks Pinterest, haha !
I must admit, when I first signed in to my very first wedding forum (local and smaller forum) I was overjoyed to see one of the girls had published a PDF with litterally everything you had to think about (so you could check the list as you got the items / steps done). My joy was killed this instant, as the list went on and on and on for like 5 pages. I realized this was NOT something I was willing to put my time and money into. I sat with FI and we crossed items we felt were not important, bringing us down to about 1 page detailed list. And from that list, we chose our priorities, and we ended up crossing out even more (such as favors, cake and fresh flowers) when we started looking for a venue, because the food price was so high, but quality food was our priority, so we preferred to cut off decorative items rather than eat ”weekday” food. Another bride might have chosen to do the contrary, and it’s perfectly fine too. As long as you keep your priority list nearby and stick to it.
Post # 9
@NauticalDisaster: I totally agree – you have to pick your priorities and put the money into those. Luckily, my MOH got married the year before me and gave me that little gem of advice as I started planning. I came across a similar list (Real Simple magazine) and had to do the same thing you did and cross off most of it. If you try to do everything, A) it’s impossible unless you have an unlimited budget and a full-time planner, and B) you drive yourself nuts because making all those decisions is totally overwhelming.
Post # 10
my FI and I were in a very similar position to when we started planning – with an added time constraint. We decided to have a 20 person wedding, including a brief ceremony, and “reception” gathering with cocktails and nibblies at FIs parents house afterwards. I wanted to wear a pretty dress and have some nice photos for memories, while keeping cost and numbers down. I think all up we’re spending $6000, but that includes $2000 for my visa application and $1000 of airfares to fly to Florida, rings, suit, dress($1500…oops), food, cake, photographer, drinks, etc. we got a free venue, had a friend donate their time to play music for us and had a judge donate his time to run the ceremony.
It’s totally possible to do something small and special – we also thought of going to the courthouse, but I had the same fear of it not feeling special enough for us etc. personal opinion on that one of course.
We decided to have the ceremony without all the unnecessary things – no long speeches or readings, no mid ceremony music etc, and our reception will really only have the cake cutting and a couple of speeches by parents.
We just want to be married, so we can start our life together. And I wanted a pretty dress hahaha
Post # 11
@Tamronadon: Hello and welcome from another college student/nanny bee!
I think it’s important that you stick to whatever budget you can possibly afford. If you guys really want to be married right now than maybe it’s only possible for you to have a small wedding or just a court house wedding. There are still ways to make it great! It could also mean holding off for a few years until you can save up for the wedding that you want to have.