Post # 1
- Wedding: Backyard wedding
My fiancé and I live together right now, and are getting married October 11th. We want to get as much done financially (joint account, budgeting, etc.) before the wedding, however the honeymoon will have expenses like food, gas, and the other half of the resort reservation (he paid half down as a deposit). I know this is just semantics, but should we wait until after to combine accounts so it can fully be his gift to me? I foresee myself stressing about the money being spent if my money is involved. I paid for the wedding. Let me know what y’all did and please feel free to tell me I am being a brat/worried over nothing! Thank you.
Post # 2
autumnmbradford: If the deal was you pay for the wedding and he pays for the honeymoon then I’d wait until afterwards just so you know you won’t worry about whether it’s fair. If you think you’re going to struggle with this sort of thng throughout the marriage maybe you should work out a different system, or at least start with an intermediary step rather than going straight to combining everything.
We have our own accounts plus a joint account. We both get paid to our separate accounts and immediately transfer enough for rent, bills, food, the wedding and other little bits in to the joint account. This means everything throughout the month that we need is paid for together but we also each have our own money in our separate accounts for the silly little things that we both want so that there’s no arguments over who paid for luxury items that only benefit one of us because they definitely come out of your own money.
Post # 3
Date twin! Yay! My FI and I completely combined finances when we moved in together. We kind of just see it as…it doesn’t really matter who pays for this. Because if ‘he’ is paying for the honeymoon, there’s just going to be that much less when you combine, so does it matter if it’s before or after? Of course, this is based on the assumption that you two will be completely combining finances. If you’re just going to keep a ‘house bills’ account and do other things separately, then it makes it a bit different.
I struggled a bit with the psychological aspect of ‘our’ money for a little while after we combined (it’s only been about 2 months). I kept thinking ‘but I made this much towards this and MY bills are this much’ etc, etc. But you get over it, I promise. 🙂
Post # 4
Are you combining all accounts and money? Or setting a budget and doing a joint expense account wiht personal savings/spending accounts as well. If you’re combining everything, I dont see what difference it makes to wait. Your money, his money… all one bucket at the end.
Post # 5
We didn’t combine any of our finances until after my name was legally changed. I didn’t want to have to go through the hassel of changing my name on our bank accounts which would require me coming in to give them a copy of my I.D. again. So in other words, we waited until after the honeymoon.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
We waited until a few months after the honeymoon. We were in no hurry & I wanted to have my name changed before we did all of that anyway.
If you’re going to combine money, I would try to get out of the mondset of “my/his money.” But either way, I would just wait. What’s the rush?
Post # 7
My FI and I completely combined money when we moved in together. We are in the mindset that what is ours is ours, and this works out well for us, neither of us are very possessive of our own individual money. If you plan to do this after the wedding, then it really shouldn’t matter when you do it. However, if you plan on having a joint account for only joint expenses, then yeah, you should wait. I’ve done that option before in a previous relationship and I always felt like it was just too much bookkeeping to keep track of who contributed what and who bought what with the joint money. With that being said, this option does work for people who are of the mindset that they want their own individual money and that’s ok too, it’s just about what will work for you.
Post # 8
autumnmbradford: It seems a little strange to me that you’d be stressing about “your” money being spent on things IF you are truly planning on cobining finances after the wedding. If you already have this mind set, you are going to have problems with ANY purchase that’s made from your joint account if it isn’t 100% up your alley. Techically, if you’re already planning to combine finances anyway, you should be looking at it that way as of the moment you decided that- unless you’re OK with your FI going out to quick buy an expensive new car before you join finances.
Are you guys planning to have A join account, but continue to have your own?
My husband and I joined finances after we knew we would get married, but weren’t engaged yet. Truth be told, I had more money than him at time in savings– he had savings, but left his job and used everything while we was inbetween jobs. BUT, I still had no problem joining finances with him– I knew that anything he had would be mine. Technically, because we had joined finances before we were engaged, you could say I paid for my engagement ring, if you’re really going to look at it like that. I don’t– but in a technical sense, I suppose that’s the way some would. We have joined everything– that being said, I do have an checking account that’s just in my name, but that’s only because I get a direct deposit into that account and have been too lazy to switch account numbers. My husband is fully aware of this, and I just transfer the money from that account to out joint as I remember or we need it. I don’t have a card attached to that account anymore.
You need to figure out what you’re truly comfortable with in the long run, because your post makes it seem like you might have trouble with joining accounts in the long run.
Post # 9
If your going to combine finances why not just set a honeymoon budget based on how much you guys want to spend based on the amount he set aside to spend on the honeymoon? Me and my FI keep our costs separated so I can understand what you mean about the honeymoon costs cutting into the funds not meant for the honeymoon, not neccessarily “my money” vs “his money” since it truly is both your money. Im paying for the wedding and my FI is paying for the honeymoon but were keeping our finances separated even after we get married becuase after 6 years together and 3 years living together we have never ever fight about finances! I love it!
Post # 10
Pretty much everyone has some funniness about money, so in the end you have to do what feels right. I moved in with my husband, then fiance a year before our wedding. We had already talked about sharing money once we were married (both of our parents have good marriages and share money). We were trying to figure out logistics to splitting rent, after a couple months it just got to be ridiculous, so we combined our bank accounts then. I did make sure I bought my husband’s wedding ring first though. I know in the end it is the same, but it makes me feel good I bought it. Silly, but made sense to us
Post # 11
autumnmbradford: I agree with @cpick… if you paid for the wedding and he is paying for the honeymoon it might be safer to wait until after. But at the same time, your money becomes his money and his yours… so even if he’s paying for the honeymoon with “his” money, it’s already yours too at that point so it shouldn’t make a big difference… itm ight be easier to just create a joint account before. My husband and I did it before because of that and it made the honeymoon itself easier because there was no “you pay” “i pay” it was just “we pay”
Post # 12
I’d take the whole honeymoon consideration out of it and just wait to combine until your name is legally changed. It’d save a step and some time. Or, if you aren’t changing your name, I guess it doesn’t matter either way. If the price of the honeymoon bothers you, just don’t look at it! Hah!
Post # 13
- Wedding: Stonehouse at Stirling Ridge
FI and I have already combined our accounts checking and savings. He’s very budget concious and is very keen on saving. We are fortunate enough to live off of his paycheck alone and mine goes straight into savings (we basically pretend I don’t get paid) because we plan on using this money to save up and buy our first home. In my eyes it doesnt make a difference whether it’s his money or mine because in reality it’s being equally distributed in the long run. It’s more of a personal decision and what you feel comfortable with.