- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I wanted to ask some advice and I’m sorry if this is long. I have seen both sides of the great money debate – shared money vs. some sort of separate banking system (either 50/50, % based, etc.). Unfortunately, I agree to the same extent with both systems and completely believe in “everyone has a system that works for them” but now my dilemma starts.
My FI and I have both 26 and have been together for 5, almost 6, years and have been living together for 4.5 of them. My FI and I have, up to this point, both been students. We both made so little money that the idea of combining finances is totally funny to both of us because there WOULDN’T be any money to share, lol. So, we have been using the 50/50 method where we each pay half of shared expenses (rent, electricity, internet only) and we each take care of our own individual bills (cars, gas, food, cell phones, etc.). This means that we have our own discretionary income that we use to go have fun.
We are both very protective over money because we have had bad experiences with being taken advantage of in the past. Because of this, we rarely ever pay for each other on dates. We still split our checks and make decisions on our money without consulting the other person. I do want to stress that this was mutually agreed upon and how I wanted it. This has, however, started to become kind of embarrassing when we are out on double dates or other social situations, to the point where I have started paying for both of us because I hate “the looks” from other couples. The problem is, I am the only one who feels this way. He is content with continuing to do this. Nor does he reciprocate in paying at the next date.
FI has recently started a new job and has more money, although has to start paying student loans, and I will start a “big girl job” on the 6th. I want to combine finances but we have talked and he is totally content with how things are. I should note that he is the most emotionally supportive partner I could ask for and I never had a problem before. Just now that we are “grown-ups” it has started to get kind of embarrassing to tell friends that he won’t pay for me (nor do I expect him to, just to reciprocate).
I guess I am looking for some advice as to how to proceed. Any help would be appreciated!!