- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Okay, this is a bit of a spin off from another thread. How many bees have male friends? And by this I mean friends, not acquaintances. You know, hang out, talk on the phone, facebook chat, do lunch with etc. They can be co-workers but are they co-workers that you see outside of work (outside happy hour when you are also with other co-workers that is). In that same vein, have you made new male friends AFTER you got with your bf/fi? If you did, did you handle these new friendships different than when you were single? i.e., when I was single, I didn't think anything about going to dinners and going to broadway shows or having late night drinks with guys on a one on one basis but I don't do that any more. They look too date-ish. I hang with them, but usually in groups (because we DO have friends in common too) I also don't indulge in late night phone chats with guys anymore. My guy didn't tell me to stop but I just felt somehow because, well, some of those chats, while innocent, used to skirt the flirtation zone sometimes. So confess, how many of you still have really good guy friends and has the friendship evolved since you got engaged or got with your FI? Does your guy get 'somehow' with some of your guy friends?
One of my very best friends is a guy. We talk almost daily... online, phone, text, etc. When he didn't live in the same city I would even go see him (alone) and sleep on his couch. So I think we definitely qualify haha. FI never had an issue with it because I disclosed it very early in our relationship and introduced them online within weeks (couldn't be in person bc we lived too far apart). They always got along really well, liked each other. When he moved to our city last year we all starting hanging out together more and he and FI became actual friends independent of my relationship with him, and he is now one of FI's groomsman!
I have also made friends with males since FI and I got together, although not quite to the same extent. Although I'd argue it isn't so much my relationship with FI that changed the way I make friends now as the fact that I grew up. I don't know I'll ever be friends with someone in my mid-20s and beyond the way I am with people I have known for a decade+, grew up with, cried with, went through college with, etc.
I actually used to have some really good guy friends, even when I was dating my now-FI. We're no longer friends for a long, dramatic reason that has nothing to do with jealousy or flirting or awkward chemistry or anything like that.
They guys were all really happy for me when I found FI, and I was really happy for them when they had girlfriends. I was closest to one guy in particular, and we would grab fast food sometimes together, but we wouldn't go to nice restaurants and we would each pay for our own food.
Uhhh yea... one of my best friends is a dude. We were friends before I met FI and dating FI didn't change that one bit! We chat online constantly and occassionally go out to dinner or bars together. FI is not threatened at all... and actually we have asked my friend to be a GM in our wedding!! :) Also, FI is not into the bar scene like I am so he is happy that I have a friend who will go out with me so I'm not nagging him to go out.
On that note -- my FI has nothing but female friends. One of my bridesmaid is actually a very, very close friend of mine that was friends with FI first! I'm good friends with all of his female friends and could care less if they talk on the phone, go out to dinner, etc. without me.
My best friend (and the man who is marrying us) is a guy. We have been close since 6th grade. Male has no problem with it. They are actually good friends now, but I do hang out with him without my male around.
I have a good amount of guy friends. All of which I talk to on a regular basis and hang out with. My dh doesn't care and a lot of them he has befriended as well, for a while he would be like will text so and so and see if they want to go fishing... lol. He's really good and doesn't care, plus one of my best guy friends is gay so he really mind that we have americas next top model and wine nights lol. I make sure to always have him meet my guy friends, before my guy friends and I go out and do something... more out of respect. It would seem pretty odd if one of his friends called him up and was liike I just saw X with some guy, and dh had no idea who he was lol.
My best friend is a guy. He's in the wedding. "Bridesman". He is straight, only saying that because people always ask and not one time has my FI ever said anything about it.
I have a lot of guy friends but one in particular that I've been friends with for an extremely long time. He is the only one I would go out with solo these days. He also has a long-time girlfriend and there are clear boundaries that we never cross. However, it is very rare that we would get together one-on-one. Usually, our SOs are also with us when we hang out.
Otherwise, out of respect for my SO, I wouldn't go out one-on-one with any other guy. He does the same for me, and doesn't go out one-on-one with any of his female friends, and he does have several.
Neither of us talk on the phone/text/etc. to any opposite sex friends on a regular basis.
my best friend is a guy too. my number of guy friends FAR outweigh female friends.
Most of my friends are men. Don't get me wrong, I have my girls, but I love hanging out with the guys. It's just more laid back, more fun. And we email, chat, talk on the phone. I love it.
I have numerous male friends (some from before dating DH and some from after) and DH has numerous female friends (again from both before and after). Some of his female friends he's made since we started dating, I've never even met! (DH travels for work every week). And none of it bothers either of us at all.
I really don't understand the whole thought process of "oh, now that I have an SO, I can't be friends with other people of that same sex". Males and females can have completely platonic relationships with one another (despite what people try to claim).
@MsBlueberryBee: Good point -- FI knows all of my friends and I know all of his. It would be totally weird if someone called up FI and was like I saw Tina with so-and-so and he was all whaaaat!? Also, when I'm having dinner with my dude friend I usually tell FI -- oh I'll be home late tonight I'm grabbing dinner with X.
I really only have one guy friend who isn't the husband/boyfriend of a girlfriend of mine. I worked with him and we still chat on a regular basis. I met him before SO and I were dating and the three of us have hung out a lot. I don't know if I've ever hung out with him alone outside of lunch every day when we worked together. Generally if we hung out outside of work there were others involved as well. SO likes it when he's around because then there's another guy besides him. He's usually out numbered or completely the only guy. Poor SO. The other guys I know who I'm friends with are mostly SO's coworkers with whom I get along. I went to a college and work in an industry that's pretty femaie heavy, so I just don't have that many guys in my life.
I have three very close male friends. They came to my wedding, we go out to lunch (they work near me) and I am friendly with their wives, and they have become friendly with my husband. My husband has two really good female friends from his work that he goes to happy hour with or whatever, not to mention his high school ex who he still keeps in touch with.
As for phone calls, chats and the like-the only people I talk to on a regular baisis is my sister so I don't know if that's me or if as you get older things like phone calls just kind of taper off.
i've always had a lot of guy friends. most of them date back to high school or earlier, but i have a bunch of good guy friends from college/post-college too. maybe because i'm really into sports? FI has a bunch of female friends as well. i really never thought anything of it (and still don't).
One of my closest friends is a guy. We've known each other since college and have remained friends and became even closer when he moved up to DC near me. We talk on a daily basis through gchat, text on weekends, and talk on the phone at lease once a week. He and my FI are friends, but not close like he and I are. I think it helps FI that my friend and I hang out only in groups of people, we never just go to dinner or the bar together, and most times FI is there.
I understand that relationships between guys and girls can often times lead to inappropriate relationships or romantic feelings on one side or both, however, I think if you keep the friendship in a group setting and your SO is there or knows the person it can be fine. I did have a BFF that was a guy for many years during college, we had dated to begin with but eventually just became good friends. After FI and I started dating he was uncomfortable with this guy, but because I was such good friends with him and thought of him as nothing more, I put my foot down and told FI I wasn't going to stop being friends with him. Well, at a holiday party we went to he got too drunk and I was driving him home when he started to feel me up, I told FI, and that friendship ended. So, as I said, I think friends with the opposite sex are fine, as long as they are handled correctly. I would never just go out with my guy BFF alone as that could be looked upon as inappropriate and he respects my FI too much to even ask.
I have a lot of good guy friends... Two have become good friends with FI as well and will be groomsmen. 2 of my close guy friends are also ushers in our wedding. I don't hang out as much one on one as I did before FI, but we do make it a point to hang out when we can.
@pb and j: i really never thought anything of it (and still don't).
Me too! I really don't understand what the big deal is... If a guy I was dating told me I couldn't talk to my dude friends anymore... well, that's a dealbreaker for me! What difference does it make?
I had two best friends throughout junior and senior highschool...one of them is a guy. We did everything together as teens. We had the same group of friends, we were in all the clubs together, we took trips together, we went to prom together etc..
My FI seems to get a little jealous sometimes, but he knows he has nothing to worry about. Other than this guy friend I've had for years (years longer than I've known FI) I have one other, but it's FI's brother so he absolutely does not care about that. I think he's rather me hang out with his brother than anyone else.
We've had a couple sticky situations, but all in all my FI would never make me give up a healthy friendship that I've had for a good portion of my life. We're on the same page now about "new" friends of the opposite sex, however. We both feel it's not really appropriate for either of us to have an oppoaite sex friend that we've just met. That leaves room for a "grey" area that we don't really want to have to deal with.
Two years ago, when I was dating my ex-bf, I had two really close guy friends. They were the ones I told everything to. I'd chat with them online and e-mail and/or text occasionaly. I'd usually see them (separately) maybe once every 2-3 weeks for lunch or dinner..depending on our schedules.
Now that I'm married, I really don't have any close guy friends. What happened to them? Well, the first one helped me through my breakup with my ex-bf. He pretty much told me that I needed to get rid of him. He also told me early on that my husband was the right guy for me. He knew both of us well and knew we were right for each other. About the time things started getting serious with my husband, though, this friend backed off a bit. He told me that he was feeling a bit more attached to me than he felt was right (he is married) and that he wanted my relationship with my now husband to take priority for me. So I no longer see him by myself. I still see him when a group of our mutual friends go out and catch up with him then. I chat with him online occasionally...and share the chat with my husband. We are all three friends (my husband has actually known him longer than I have). But since I've married, this friend and I have intentionally put a bit of distance between us.
The other friend? He is now my husband. I realized after I broke up with my ex-bf that I was not only spending more time with my friend than I was with him, I also enjoyed the time I spent with him more. I also felt more comfortable with him. After a while, I realized our friendly get togethers were becoming more. I've never looked back since. We were friends first, but now we are so much more.
I guess I don't see anything wrong with opposite sex friends, but I am careful with them. My relationship with my husband is the most important thing to me. I would never do anything that might jeopardize it. Because my husband WAS one of my close male friends first, I know that it is possible to develop feelings for someone with whom you are emotionally intimate. That is why he and I both now keep a certain emotional distance between ourselves and our opposite sex friends. We have both kept our friends, but have adjusted things a bit.
I do. Neither FI or I think it's a big deal since they are friends that know both of us. Now, if it were someone he didnt know then I think he would have a problem with it.
Two of my bridal attendents are men (I call them "bridesdudes"). I've gone to dinner with them one on one since I met FI. It's not a big deal - or indeed any kind of deal - to us. One of them is like my little brother, they're both really close friends.
I have several close male friends and my fiance has several close female friends. It's never even been a topic of discussion in our relationship--we both know that we're not interested in any one else.
I have male friends, one is even *gasp* an ex-boyfriend! I'm friends with an old coworker, my friend's husbands and a couple guys I have known since high school.
I wonder about people that don't have friends of the opposite sex. It seems to objectify the opposite sex by saying that they cannot be part of your life unless you are romanticly involved with them or they are too tempting to be involved in your life. If you have that low of an opinion on the trustworthiness of the opposite sex, how do you trust your partner?
Probably my bestest friend in the world in my ex-boyfriend from college. This doesn't bother my husband at all.
Most of my work friends are ladies, but I tend to have more male than female friends generally. Again, not really a problem so long as everyone understands and respects boundaries.
I have about a dozen good guy friends. Pretty much all of them were there before FI came along. At first he was jealous, but he soon realized that if I had any sort of romantic interest in these guys than I would have acted on it long before he came around.
I find myself still being pulled to guys as friends, but not as much because I know it make FI uncomfortable if I am "meeting" new guys after him. I will still Facebook chat, text etc. to these guys but it's usually sarcastic bugging.
The one thing that I do HATE about having guy friends - they now invite FI to "Guy's Night" & not me! :( I feel like I have been replaced!
I most definitely have male friends that I chat with, go out for breakfast with, etc. And one of my FI's two oldest/closest friends is a woman, who I like very much. Whenever she's in town I make sure they have a chance to hang out just the two of them - I feel like it's good for him. It's always been clear to me that there's nothing whatsoever romantic between them, just long-time friendship. But then, I've never been prone to jealousy.
none.
I mean I know and am friends with everyone's SO's but we'd never do something just the 2 of us.
For whateer reason I have way more male friends then female. Two iof my best we picked as groomsmen to be in the wedding because I had to have them included somehow! THey are like brothers to me. All my male friends I've known for at least 8 years. We talk text, hang out, watch the games, many drinking adventures through the years. I wouldn't trade my "brothers" for anything!!!
To those who are friends with guys, how many of you hang out with them 'one on one' in a social setting? Brunch, dinner, drinks, shows etc? I've noticed the married women have stated that they have pulled back a bit with their guy friends. IDK, I used to have a lot more guy friends in my early to mid 20's. Now that I'm firmly in my 30's, they seem to have dwindled a lot. Married, kids, wives etc.
Any guy I would see alone is gay.
But this is how I grew up. My parents had a very large social circle of couples. My mom saw her girlfriends and my dad did guy things. And then all the couples would get together for dinners and outings. If my mom ever said she was going to see Ken or Jim for coffee, I'd think someone a) died b) they were having an affair.
So that's what I know of social interactions once you're married. It's not like I never talk to a man unchaperoned, but I, personally and not meant to imply this for anyone else, find it inappropriate for me to go do date-y things with a straight guy. I have so few date nights as it is, why would I want to see a movie with some dude?
I don't tend to hang out with any of them one on one but I don't see anything wrong with doing so (and DH wouldn't care if I did nor would I care if he did).
I don't hang out with anyone one-on-one really (outside of DH and only in our apartment - we don't go out and do thing one-on-one very often). We both love including our friends in things so most dinners, movies, bar nights, concerts, shows, etc are always group activities.
Yes I have a few. But our relationships have changed since I got engaged. I'm sensitive to FI's feelings and he knows them all. I think that's key. If he was uncomfortable with anyone, then I would have to stop spending time with them. I wouldn't consider hanging out with them being anything like a date, it's just friends hanging out especially since they either have girlfriends or are gay.
Eh - I kind of go with my gut. Generally, anything after 6:00 pm that's one-on-one and involves either alcohol or low lighting isn't a good idea. At least one person in that scenario has other intentions.
@bRooklynRocks: I hang out with my guy friends one-on-one. Not too often as we are usually in a group, but yea... sometimes.
@ribbons: Like I said in my PP, my FI hates the bar scene and I love it... One of my dude friends enjoys it too, so FI would rather I just go out with my friend and have a good time then bug him to go out with me!! :)
I have a ton of guys friends and I hang out with them one on one quite a bit. Of course, FI gets along quite well with all my guy friends so if he is available he often comes along. IDK, we tend to hang out in large mixed groups and no one cares who is a couple or who is single or how many men vs women there are in the group. All is fair in drinks and karaoke.
@teaadntoast: I have to totally disagree with you. What difference does it make if I go out with my dude friend after 6 or with a girl friend? My dude friend is totally committed to his girlfriend and I am totally committed to my FI. I can assure you there are no other motives than to have a good time with a close friend!
I have a few really good male friends and we see each other often. We'll go to coffee, have dinner, that kind of thing. Sure, some people may think we're on a date but what's important is that we both know it's nothing.
@MissHelen: "Bridesdudes" haha this is perfect!
@TinyTina: I wasn't being prescriptive. My general experience has led me to think that the scenario I described means at least one person has more-then friendly feelings. So I avoid them.
Your experience (clearly) is quite different. So there we are.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Brielle | 34 |
 vorpalette |
29 |
| caseyleigh10 | 26 |
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| les105 | 23 |
| fishbone | 23 |
| lionskitty | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| mypinkshoes | 21 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 9 |
| Katherine27 | 8 |
| KimKimmieKim |
7 |
| vorpalette |
6 |
| MissCT | 5 |
| Brielle | 4 |
| redheadem | 4 |
| mypinkshoes | 4 |
| bells219 | 4 |
| dlujan | 4 |
