Post # 1
Okay, this is a bit of a spin off from another thread. How many bees have male friends? And by this I mean friends, not acquaintances. You know, hang out, talk on the phone, facebook chat, do lunch with etc. They can be co-workers but are they co-workers that you see outside of work (outside happy hour when you are also with other co-workers that is). In that same vein, have you made new male friends AFTER you got with your bf/fi? If you did, did you handle these new friendships different than when you were single? i.e., when I was single, I didn’t think anything about going to dinners and going to broadway shows or having late night drinks with guys on a one on one basis but I don’t do that any more. They look too date-ish. I hang with them, but usually in groups (because we DO have friends in common too) I also don’t indulge in late night phone chats with guys anymore. My guy didn’t tell me to stop but I just felt somehow because, well, some of those chats, while innocent, used to skirt the flirtation zone sometimes. So confess, how many of you still have really good guy friends and has the friendship evolved since you got engaged or got with your FI? Does your guy get ‘somehow’ with some of your guy friends?
Post # 3
One of my very best friends is a guy. We talk almost daily… online, phone, text, etc. When he didn’t live in the same city I would even go see him (alone) and sleep on his couch. So I think we definitely qualify haha. FI never had an issue with it because I disclosed it very early in our relationship and introduced them online within weeks (couldn’t be in person bc we lived too far apart). They always got along really well, liked each other. When he moved to our city last year we all starting hanging out together more and he and FI became actual friends independent of my relationship with him, and he is now one of FI’s groomsman!
I have also made friends with males since FI and I got together, although not quite to the same extent. Although I’d argue it isn’t so much my relationship with FI that changed the way I make friends now as the fact that I grew up. I don’t know I’ll ever be friends with someone in my mid-20s and beyond the way I am with people I have known for a decade+, grew up with, cried with, went through college with, etc.
Post # 4
I actually used to have some really good guy friends, even when I was dating my now-FI. We’re no longer friends for a long, dramatic reason that has nothing to do with jealousy or flirting or awkward chemistry or anything like that.
They guys were all really happy for me when I found FI, and I was really happy for them when they had girlfriends. I was closest to one guy in particular, and we would grab fast food sometimes together, but we wouldn’t go to nice restaurants and we would each pay for our own food.
Post # 5
Uhhh yea… one of my best friends is a dude. We were friends before I met FI and dating FI didn’t change that one bit! We chat online constantly and occassionally go out to dinner or bars together. FI is not threatened at all… and actually we have asked my friend to be a GM in our wedding!! 🙂 Also, FI is not into the bar scene like I am so he is happy that I have a friend who will go out with me so I’m not nagging him to go out.
On that note — my FI has nothing but female friends. One of my bridesmaid is actually a very, very close friend of mine that was friends with FI first! I’m good friends with all of his female friends and could care less if they talk on the phone, go out to dinner, etc. without me.
Post # 6
My best friend (and the man who is marrying us) is a guy. We have been close since 6th grade. Male has no problem with it. They are actually good friends now, but I do hang out with him without my male around.
Post # 7
I have a good amount of guy friends. All of which I talk to on a regular basis and hang out with. My dh doesn’t care and a lot of them he has befriended as well, for a while he would be like will text so and so and see if they want to go fishing… lol. He’s really good and doesn’t care, plus one of my best guy friends is gay so he really mind that we have americas next top model and wine nights lol. I make sure to always have him meet my guy friends, before my guy friends and I go out and do something… more out of respect. It would seem pretty odd if one of his friends called him up and was liike I just saw X with some guy, and dh had no idea who he was lol.
Post # 8
My best friend is a guy. He’s in the wedding. “Bridesman”. He is straight, only saying that because people always ask and not one time has my FI ever said anything about it.
Post # 9
I have a lot of guy friends but one in particular that I’ve been friends with for an extremely long time. He is the only one I would go out with solo these days. He also has a long-time girlfriend and there are clear boundaries that we never cross. However, it is very rare that we would get together one-on-one. Usually, our SOs are also with us when we hang out.
Otherwise, out of respect for my SO, I wouldn’t go out one-on-one with any other guy. He does the same for me, and doesn’t go out one-on-one with any of his female friends, and he does have several.
Neither of us talk on the phone/text/etc. to any opposite sex friends on a regular basis.
Post # 10
my best friend is a guy too. my number of guy friends FAR outweigh female friends.
Post # 11
Most of my friends are men. Don’t get me wrong, I have my girls, but I love hanging out with the guys. It’s just more laid back, more fun. And we email, chat, talk on the phone. I love it.
Post # 12
I have numerous male friends (some from before dating DH and some from after) and DH has numerous female friends (again from both before and after). Some of his female friends he’s made since we started dating, I’ve never even met! (DH travels for work every week). And none of it bothers either of us at all.
I really don’t understand the whole thought process of “oh, now that I have an SO, I can’t be friends with other people of that same sex”. Males and females can have completely platonic relationships with one another (despite what people try to claim).
Post # 13
@MsBlueberryBee: Good point — FI knows all of my friends and I know all of his. It would be totally weird if someone called up FI and was like I saw Tina with so-and-so and he was all whaaaat!? Also, when I’m having dinner with my dude friend I usually tell FI — oh I’ll be home late tonight I’m grabbing dinner with X.
Post # 14
I really only have one guy friend who isn’t the husband/boyfriend of a girlfriend of mine. I worked with him and we still chat on a regular basis. I met him before SO and I were dating and the three of us have hung out a lot. I don’t know if I’ve ever hung out with him alone outside of lunch every day when we worked together. Generally if we hung out outside of work there were others involved as well. SO likes it when he’s around because then there’s another guy besides him. He’s usually out numbered or completely the only guy. Poor SO. The other guys I know who I’m friends with are mostly SO’s coworkers with whom I get along. I went to a college and work in an industry that’s pretty femaie heavy, so I just don’t have that many guys in my life.
Post # 15
I have three very close male friends. They came to my wedding, we go out to lunch (they work near me) and I am friendly with their wives, and they have become friendly with my husband. My husband has two really good female friends from his work that he goes to happy hour with or whatever, not to mention his high school ex who he still keeps in touch with.
As for phone calls, chats and the like-the only people I talk to on a regular baisis is my sister so I don’t know if that’s me or if as you get older things like phone calls just kind of taper off.
Post # 16
i’ve always had a lot of guy friends. most of them date back to high school or earlier, but i have a bunch of good guy friends from college/post-college too. maybe because i’m really into sports? FI has a bunch of female friends as well. i really never thought anything of it (and still don’t).