Post # 1
I know this is going to sound absurd… seeing as though I’ve been with my Fiance for over 6 years, and just NOW this fact has dawned on me.
My FI’s family consists of: Mom, Uncle, Older Brother 1 (and his husband,) Older Brother 2 (and his wife). That’s it.
No father. No cousins. No nieces. No nephews. No grandparents.
It washed over me when I was writing out our guest list, and thinking about the future…
I have 1 sister, 1 niece, 2 aunts, 4 uncles, and about 13 cousins. I come from a good sized family. Every holiday there was a big gathering of family and I looooved it.
FI’s family is… cold. Business oriented. Not affectionate. (FI is affectionate, though. He is warm, big-hearted, and loving.)
But… what about our kids someday? They aren’t going to have anyone to play with… and their aunts and uncles are going to be cold and distant.
I guess I just have to rely on my family?
I dunno. It’s not enough for me to want to run away or anything… but it was just a sad realization.
Anyone else come from a big family, and marrying into a tiny one?
Post # 3
Just because you are marrying FH, doesn’t mean abandoning your own family. Surely they are not disowning you?
At least they are business like and not mean, spiteful, or a million other things.
I feel the same way a bit, I didn’t have many close relatives as a kid but some of my SILs do, and it is so fun to hang out with all the cousins and such. So it would be neat. I don’t think you have to give this up, at all.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I grew up with three half-aunts I never saw and not a single cousin. I still had plenty of people to play with. You (and your future children) will be just fine. Plus, there’s your side fo the family to help balance it out.
Post # 5
I have a tiny family FI has a tiny family. And by family I mean people I am related to by blood.
But I have a HUGE family of those people who I have befriended and decided they are family. Our kids will have tons of aunts and uncles and cousins and people to play with.
Just because they aren’t blood, doesn’t mean they aren’t family.
Post # 6
Its the other way around for me. My family is tiny, his family is huge.
Post # 7
@kerensa: Yeah, hsi family is mean and spiteful; money-brained people. But that’s totally another post… lol.
I know I’m not leaving my family behind. My cousins all have babies, so if we have babies soon, they’ll have playmates. I guess I was just looking forward to having an even BIGGER family.
My family is over-the-moon in love with my Fiance.
His family is indifferent. Our wedding is just another event they’re penciling in their schedules.
So I’m a little jealous that he’s gaining about 20 new family members, and… I’m really not gaining any.
Post # 8
@LadyMoriarty: “So I’m a little jealous that he’s gaining about 20 new family members, and… I’m really not gaining any“
Yeah but you’ve had a wonderful family all along. He’s never had a wonderful family until now.
Post # 9
I’m in a similar situation. In total, I’ve got about 120 people on both sides of the family that I interact with on a regular basis (partly due to having a big family, and partly due to my family keeping in touch with everyone). My fiance has…26, including his immediate family and aunts, uncles and cousins.
Not only does it feel really strange to go to family gatherings where everyone actually fits in one room, they also are very different in their interactions. Not exactly cold and businesslike, but they just don’t keep in touch or seem all that interested in each other outside of family interactions. I’m best friends with most of my cousins, and I’ll chat with the others on a pretty regular basis, but his family don’t bother keeping in touch with anyone more distant than first cousins. It makes me sad to think that our children probably won’t really know their second-cousins on his side, whereas they will almost definitely know everyone on my side of the family.
It’s also been strange planning how many children we want to have. Coming from a large family, anything less than three children is just…strange. For him, three kids is a huge family (the norm in his family is two). We’ve settled on three children, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for another one someday.
Post # 10
I have a small family, too, and if I marry DBF, I’ll be marrying into an even smaller one. With the exception of one of my brothers with similar interests, neither of us get along overly well with our siblings. It’s not like I hate my oldest siblings and he hates his; it’s just that our personalities don’t mesh well, and in my case, my oldest siblings are about a decade older, so we have little in common.
This kind of scares me. While our almost complete lack of extended family helped us bond, DBF and I will likely be childfree. Neither of us really like children…hell, I hate being an aunt. But something about having such a small family makes me sad.
Post # 11
I have a small family but my Fiance has a huge family that is close and very welcoming. 🙂 all that matters is that you love one another and support one another. 🙂
Post # 12
Post # 13
FIs family is bigger than it appears, but many of them have been disowned or just don’t talk to them or about them. Compared to my family that’s massive and full of love. We’re close even with extended family. It was a shock putting the list together when he says 10 people on his side. I know that there are more, but he never wants me to meet them it see them himself. Then here I am trying to cut down the 300 for my family. It is a bit sad, but my family has accepted Fiance with open arms and the parts of his family that I’ve met have been very warm and loving.
Post # 14
@LadyMoriarty: His family is bigger than mine, but neither one of us have warm, loving families. My mom is very affectionate, and his is about half the time lol, but that’s it. Everyone else is distant at best, hurtful at worst.
It is what it is.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Kinda reminds me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, when she goes to dinner at his parents’ house.
It’s the same basically with me and Fiance. Your kids will be fine. Your side is bigger and happier; that’ll be enough for the little ones!
Post # 16
Oh my gosh that is so me! I have a HUGE family and I’m close with lots of 2nd cousins and even more distant relatives. FI has a tiny family, some of whom (including him) work in the family business, and the one other brother and his wife live far away and is an entrepreneur–so conversations at dinner tend to revolve around their businesses.
Honestly, I actually kind of like it. I’ll admit that Fiance is like you in that he was eager to come into a new, big family. However, I would have been overwhelmed going into a family equally as large as mine. Just think of it this way: there are fewer people that you may potentially have conflicts with. Bigger doesn’t always mean better.