(Closed) Coming to terms with having to throw away your birth plan?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

My birth plan wasn’t met AT ALL… but unlike your case it wasn’t b/c I or baby was in any danger or b/c of health reasons. Mine was 100% b/c of a doctor that was overtired & could careless about what I wanted. =(

In your case, even though this isn’t what you imagined, I would take each stage in stride. You are not neccessarily doomed for a c-section & you might even be able to try some alternatives to an epi before going that route.

I know that potassium helps b/p have you looked into specific changes in diet to try and help?

I’m sure this is a really stressful time and that isn’t going to help either, but it sounds like your doctor really has tried to help along your pregnancy and is more prepping you for possible outcomes as opposed to completely writing off what you want.

Have you thought about getting an at home b/p machine? Something so that in early labor you can keep note of your b/p? Maybe she’d be okay with you being home longer is she knew that was being monitored? Also, I know eating a good protein diet, staying away from processed food, and drinking TONS of water all help against pre e… had a mom that actually REVERSED hers… so there’s hope there too. You may want to try some natural pregnancy boards to see what some other moms have/would do in your situation that want the same thing. I really like the natural birth boards on babybump b/c there are some REALLY well versed & knowledgable moms. Maybe check it out

Don’t be too hard on yourself, it won’t help at all. (((hugs)))

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel your pain with the high BP. I’m 20w 3d and almost since day 1 my BP has been high. I was perscribed meds at 16w and it’s been a lot more manageable ever since with lots of rest and home monitoring. I don’t want to be a downer here, but as much as you want a natural birth(and more power to you!!) I would think you would put your wants and needs aside and do what’s best to keep you and baby healthy. I agree with what your dr said about sticking to your plan as long as things are healthy. My sister had very high BP with all 4 of her boys and was induced with 3 of the 4, and only had a c-section with #4 because he was breech…..but they all turned out healthy as can be and so was she. The more you stress about what you want to happen the higher the BP will go. I learned to take things day by day and deal with them as they come. Your dr knows what you want and i’m sure will do her best to stick to it as long as you and baby are ok. Wish I had more advice for you….other than to take a deep breath! Good luck to you!!!!!

Post # 5
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

@MissDareDevil:  While I haven’t been through the full process yet, I always wanted a natural birth, even a home birth, but having twins even a drug-free vaginal birth at the hospital is unlikely.  So I understand the mourning process that you’re going through, though I’m so sorry you’ve had so many complications to deal with.

I’ve had to look at my own situation from a perspective of surrender.  I have to do whatever I have to do get my babies out of my body in the safest way possible for me and them.  I look at it as one of my first jobs/trials as a mother, one that will require sacrifice and flexibility.  I’ve also tried to do more research and read more stories of c-section deliveries and epidural births, and honestly, by doing that, I’m really not as intimidated as I once was about it.  Of course, I’d rather not have those things for a variety of reasons, but by learning as much as possible about them from a variety of sources, I’m not as anxious. 

Because in the end, no matter how far from your ideal or plans it might be, your birth experience will bring your child into your arms and into your life forever.  It might be a silly comparison, but I think a birth is kind of like a wedding – the day itself may not be what you hoped, but in the end, the lifetime of marriage and family transcends the day itself.

Post # 6
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Mom’s first born was delivered via emergency c-section after 9 months of “planning” on a natural birth.  Was she super devastated about it at first? Yes! She remembers it very clearly even though my sister is almost 28 now.  But even though it wasn’t the plan, she still at the end of the day had a beautiful, healthy baby.  It’s ok to mourn the fact that things didn’t/won’t be how you imagined, and it’s ok to wish that it went another way.  BUT, so far it seems like these are just possibilities for you so try not to get too down yet, and remember that once you see that baby all those feelings about how he/she got out will melt away into the joy of motherhood.  I have no idea about your particular situation, but me and my younger brother were actually both born VBAC (and problem-free at that!), so it isn’t written in stone that you won’t experience natural birth at some time.  Good luck and congrats!

Post # 7
Member
46126 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s almost depressing knowing that I won’t end up with the birth that I wanted–the birth that I feel is best and healthiest for both me and my child.


The key words here are “I feel”. You are going through a process of grieving the plans that you had made. Surely a part of you has to admit that your plan is no longer  the best for this baby given the combination of circumstances that you are dealing with- the hypertension, the abdominal muscle problem etc

When you accept what the doctor has told you, these words will change to ” I felt”.

Accepting that you may need some intervention  will give you the best chance for the healthiest baby possible.

Post # 8
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

First, I’m sorry it seems like things aren’t going according to plan.  I had some ideas of what I’d like/would like to avoid with my first delivery but I was also open-minded since I had never given birth before and because it seems like this is one time when you have so little control over what’s going to happen.  Like you didn’t plan to have high BP.  I did a hospital birth and wanted to try to go without meds.  Well, I ended up with the epidural (which I don’t regret).  Then once I got to the pushing stage, my contractions lagged too far apart so that any progress I made with pushing ended up going right back to zero once I had to wait so long to push again.  So we started pitocin.  Then after 3 hours of pushing, the OB used one pull of suction to get the baby out.  I hadn’t planned on that at all but I didn’t beat myself up about any of it because I was fine and the baby was fine.  And I avoided a c-section.  I imagine if I had ended up needing one, I would have had a harder time with how it all went down. 

My SIL ended up needing to have a scheduled c-section a few weeks before she was originally due.  She had a little time to wrap her head around things so I think she came to terms with her delivery, too.  But it was tough.

And a note on the epidural, the pain of it was so negligible compared to the contractions that I wasn’t freaked out by it at all.  And they should be able to adjust your dose so that you can still move some (albeit in bed) during labor and walk immediately after you’re sewn up (if you tear).  I was able to move myself from side to side in bed and then walked to the bathroom as soon as I was cleaned up and ready to go to my regular room.  The cath was inserted after I had the epi and removed before it wore off so that wasn’t a big deal either.  I don’t know if any of this will help you but just keep in mind that your health and the baby’s health is most important.  Good luck!  Maybe folks who had more dramatic experiences will weigh in, too.

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

me and my younger brother were actually both born VBAC (and problem-free at that!), so it isn’t written in stone that you won’t experience natural birth at some time.

THIS  ^


For me, being able to vbac this time is making a HUGE difference in what happened last time round. I can honestly say that up until this pregnancy I was never able to fully get over that feeling “robbed” of birthing my child BUT every pregnancy and every baby is different.

I would talk about your doctor now about the wanting to vbac next go round if this birth doesn’t go as planned and how she can help that happen…. if you needed a cesarean how she can do the incision & even how to better prep your body for the next pregnancy.

I know that you haven’t actually not gotten your birth yet but this write up on “emotional healing after cesarean” may help you with where you are now.

Post # 10
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I know I’m going to get flamed for this, but I don’t see the big deal about the manner in which the baby comes out of you. As long as the end result is a happy healthy baby and everyone lives through it, what does it really matter if you have the kid in a bathtub, at home, in a hospital bed or in the backseat of your minivan?

I seriously question anyone who would even WANT to put themselves or their child at any increased risk just to have a certain kind of “birth experience.” I know it’s the 20th century and hardly anyone dies of childbirth anymore, but lets not forget that once upon a time it was SUPER common, which I’m sure is why women started going to hospitals to have babies in the first place.

Post # 12
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@MissDareDevil: 
I’m sorry it won’t go the way you plan!

But what the spring ladies ahead of us have taught us is that birthing does not go the way you plan! I think so far there has been already 3 who did and know they will not have the natural birth they planned.

Honestly, that’s why I think it’s most important to keep an open mind about delivery. You can’t go in thinking it MUST go this way. At the end of the day I firmly believe the medical professionals are there to make sure you AND baby are healthy.

I will repeat the mantra that my childbirth instructor repeats:

Healthy baby, heahtly mommy.

That is ALL that matters in the end.

Post # 13
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sure it must be very hard to not have things turn out like you expected them to.  I just wanted to reassure you (as the mother of 2 -both with inductions & epidurals) that even if that is the route you need to go, it will be an amazing experience.  Honestly, this is only the first of things that will turn out differently than you expected with having children.  I think a key to being a successful, loving parent is to take things as they come and just roll with it. 

Post # 14
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh, I feel for you. Try not to think of it in terms of black and white/all one way or the other. Even if you have to have a C-section, there are still many natural birth aspects you can keep in your birth plan. You can hire a doula even for a scheduled C-Section. You can insist that you are the first person to hold your baby even with a C-section, and then you can enlist dad to do kangaroo care while they finish up your surgery. You can request delayed cord clamping and you can reject the eye drops, etc. These are the sort of things lots of natural birth moms choose, and all of them are ALWAYS options for you. So you can still have a C-Section birth plan that includes things that are special to you. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Let me share my story. We hadn’t thought of a birth plan before muchkin arrived. My son came into this world 7 weeks early. I went into labor when I was almost a 100 miles from my home from my hosipital where I was going to give birth. 

I started having labor pains and debated what I should do. I was alone and did not want to go to the hosptial there. So I drove almost 100 miles while having contractions every 5 to 7 minutes. It wasn’t easy but I did it.  Once home my DH found me hunched over between the cars in the garage.  I freaked him out when said we needed to go to the hospital, which by the way was about 10 minutes or so away.

The doctor/nurses tried everything to stop the labor, but muckin wasn’t having it he wanted out!  I wanted to do natural also but couldn’t take the pain anymore and had the epidural.  My legs were only numb about 3 hours, in fact the epi was starting to wear off by the time they wheeled me into the labor room.

I was in the labor room about 20 minutes tops when muchkin arrived. By the time they wheeled me back into my room I was able to stand on my own though was weak. 

My son ended up staying in the NICU Unit for almost a month. 

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