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Communication

posted 9 months ago in Newlyweds
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    Worker bee
    Sosoon2011    July 9, 2011  

    Being a newlywed, my husband and I are running into many things that we need to talk over, work out and compromise on. I am having a hard time discerning when he is disappointed, upset or pissed off. I told him that and he says that for him it isn't the tone of voice that he uses that determines his emotional state but more so his facial expressions. How is for you ladies, are your men easy to read when it comes to discerning his emotions?

     
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    Bumble bee
    cvbee    August 13, 2010   canada

    toughie!

    I think sometimes I am more aware of his emotions than him.  If I say "you were upset in the kitchen when you said____" then he usually says that he wasn't upset at that point, but the fact that I thought he was upset is what eventually led him to being upset later.  He says I should ask him if he is upset instead of assuming. 

    But between the hive and I, I am quite sure that he actually just isn't fully aware of how he is feeling.  That can happen to me too, so I do understand.  Sometimes it takes some time to register the feelings. 

    Anyways, I have no answers, but just wanted to share our 'issue', since it is related. 

     
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    Worker bee
    Sosoon2011    July 9, 2011  

    @cvbee:

    Thank you. It makes me feel good that I am not the only one having to figure this out. My husband said too that me keeping on saying that he is upset when he is not, actually gets him upset. 

     
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    Busy bee
    magilnyc    January 8, 2011   New York

    I never have any idea what DH is thinking. Seriously, no clue

     
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    Mrs.Anchors    May 28, 2011  

    I wish I could type out this whole book for you!! I'd read "For Women Only" it's a small book and quick read. Straight to the point and how to look at it through his point of view. That way when you do communicate to him it's in his language. 

    Which brings me to the other book... "5 Love Languages" I can't stress enough how great it is. I can imagine how fulfulled couples would be if they read it! 

    I hope things work for the better @Sosoon2011: !

     
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    AbbyM    October 17, 2009   Chicago, IL but getting married in Southern Minnesota

    Communicating properly is a work in progress for my husband and I as well.  My husband is a very happy person and looks more at my facial expressions than listening to what I'm saying...so sometimes we're saying the same thing but just saying it differently and it can take about 30 minutes to realize that. 

    I may have to check out the the book Mrs.Anchors - "For Women Only."  We bought the 5 Love Languages but haven't read it yet.  Undecided

     
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    kayp23    May 27, 2011   Virginia

    And men think we're confusing.  It is so nice to hear that other people have the, "Why are you upset?" "I'm not upset..."  that eventually leads to him being upset.

     
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    Sosoon2011    July 9, 2011  

    @kayp23:

    Yeah that is so true. That is why I decided to post on here because I was thinking, "I cannot seriously be the only one who is going through that".

    How do you resolve it when you make him upset through asking him if he is upset?

     
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    Helper bee
    AbbyM    October 17, 2009   Chicago, IL but getting married in Southern Minnesota

    Just quit asking or else point out how silly it is of him to be upset because you thought he was upset.  What exactly did he do that made you think he was upset?  You can say, "You were pretty short with me before, that is why I thought you were upset.  If you're not, no big deal.  Let's just move on.  What were you thinking you wanted to do for dinner?"

     
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    Bee Keeper
    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    My husband is pretty easy to read, b/c he just flat out tells me. There's no playing games with him, he has no problem telling me if I do something he doesn't like or if he's mad or upset. Makes life much easier than trying to guess!

     

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