Post # 1
Does anyone else here have a different communication style than their SO? Or have you gone through this and come out on the other side?
My FI and I don’t have any major issues right now, but it seems like sometimes small things get blown out of proportion and end up causing a big fight just because of the way we each communicate.
Example, when I am upset, I want to talk it out. Now. I can’t stand to let it simmer. And FI needs time to collect his thoughts and sort out what he is feeling, so he often won’t respond right away. So it basically makes me crazy when I feel like he is ignoring me, because it makes me feel disrespected and unimportant. He probably goes crazy when I repeat my question five times because he is trying to think and not answering me. I recognize the differing style in communcation here, and we have discussed it, but when one or both of us are upset, we can’t seem to fix it.
Any helpful advice on how to blend our communication styles better so we are fighting less?
Post # 3
have you brought up these concerns with him and specifically talked about your communication styles? we have similar clashes from time to time, and it’s so important to talk about it. you need to work out some sort of compromise — like you’ll talk about it in 15 minutes. that way you’re still getting it out, and he has a little time to collect his thoughts.
Post # 4
I like @kitzy:‘s suggestion. I have read the 5 Love Languages book, and I plan to get it for FI when we’re 1yr out on our wedding date. We realize we have different communication styles (and disagreement/argument styles), so recognizing that, talking about it, and trying to implement a plan for our future disagreements has helped.
Yes, it’s tough to stick to a plan in the heat of the moment, and you feel like Dr. Phil if you have to actually say “let’s step away from this and come back in 5-10 minutes,” but it can really help you both from saying rash things or getting worked up over something that’s actually trivial. We’ve been working on this, too, since I’m one to think about it a lot before I bring something up, which is not fair since it puts him on the spot and I’ve already thought the issue/argument over thoroughly.
Post # 5
OMG! I was almost going to write this exact same post last night! My SO and I got into a huge argument last night over communication. He seems to only have two styles….saying nothing or blowing up. Say nothing annoys me more, I can admit that I communicate too much probably but I hate when he is just silent. Drives me insane!!!
Post # 6
oh how I love weddingbee. I find great posts on here!
I am having issues with communication as well. It seems like I have been picking fights with my bf recently against my will! I would get defensive or irritated at small things frequently. I am way more sensitive than I have ever thought I would be. I want to stop this and just chill out but I’m so confused that I drive myself crazy collecting thoughts. Negative cycle. I can’t beleieve I’m having a hard time with this. Bf seems to be just taking it and being patient with me but I am sure he’s confused as well. He says I’m not me that he knew. Yeah I’m not me that I knew either.
But luckily my bf and I do not live together so we have time apart to unwind and calm down.