Post # 1
This may get convoluted but I would appreciate some advice!
We asked my FI old youth pastor to marry us right after we got engaged. He lives in TX but stays in contact a lot and we knew that he was the only one we wanted to perform our ceremony.
Another good friend is getting married 6 weeks before us in LA and is flying out both him and his wife to perform the ceremony. We were only planning on paying for his flight out and we really don’t have the extra $300 to spend on the extra flight. (They have a time share for their family for a week during/after our wedding that they arranged so their little girl could be our flower girl)
It’s always awkward to talk money with friends, and I KNOW we should have talked to him earlier about what we expected to compensate him beforehand. But now we’re in the even weirder position of having to “compete” with our friends. I certainly don’t want him to feel slighted, but I also think that they would be guests either way and we would are not paying for any family and friends to come out!
I know that FI will talk to him and work it out, but I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong by not wanting to pay for the both of them. HELP!
Post # 3
Were you planning to only pay for the flight as compensation? Or were you going to give him a gift or money?
Does he normally charge people for performing their ceremonies? If so, I’d offer him that amount of money and leave it up to him to turn it down and “gift” you the ceremony.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu
that’s a good question. We have our family friend pastor doing our ceremony too..I was just going to write him a check for a set amount, and let him use it towards flight purchases or whatever. He’s bringing both his wife and daughter, so it would be pretty expensive if I had to pay for all of them. But honestly, if the youth pastor is your friend, he’s probably not expecting anything, so any help you could give him would be good. But just in case the other couple sets a precedent, you should probably talk to him so he knows what your plan is.
Post # 5
Would your officiant be attending your wedding anyway, even if he wasn’t officiating? Our officiant (my uncle who’s a judge) would have been planning to attend our wedding anyway, so I never felt obligated to pay for his travel or accomodations. If that’s the case for you, I wouldn’t feel bad about not being able to do so. Just let him know in advance so he can plan for his own travel costs and not be under any wrong impressions. I don’t think you need to feel bad about this. Paying for all the things like your friend is doing is a nice gesture, but a luxury and not something I would expect most people to be able to afford. I’m sure your officiant will understand that if you talk with him.