Competing Friends?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

It’s a new relationship to her and she is excited. You’ve been in yours for 3 years. You are supposed to be her friend back, so be excited for her.   Smile and be there for her. 

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Eh she is in the honeymoon stages with this new guy. After the newness dies down she will probably start being a little more thoughtful toward you. Is she usually selfish in conversation? If not, then I wouldn’t worry yet.

Post # 5
Hostess
15072 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

There was a Seinfeld episode about this, the One Upper. I suggest watching it. Maybe watch it together and she might get a clue. Sorry, I know that’s frustrating to deal with. Maybe she really isn’t a good friend to be around for a while. Let her get that rainbow and unicorns phase out of her system and try again. 

Post # 6
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Some people are just like that.  It’s a state of social immaturity.  By 30 lots of people develop their social skills beyond talking only about themselves and actually take an interest in other people, but some folks never reach that point.  My younger friend on three separate occasions butted in to talk about her upcoming honeymoon when someone specifically asked me how the vacation I just returned from went.  Annoying.

Post # 7
Member
3633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That would annoy the heck out of me. I get that she’s excited but there’s a way to be excited about one’s SO without having to one-up someone else’s in the meantime. We know someone who has to one-up everyone about EVERYTHING. She’s always the best daughter with the best child and the best husband and the nicest car and the prettiest clothes. Give me a break.

She’s better friends with DH so one day, he just confronted her about it in a “You know, we get that you are awesome and we are super happy for you. However, you don’t need to mention it every 5 seconds” kind of way. I apparently have lower tolerance for this kind of thing so I just avoid hanging out with her.

Post # 8
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s a new relationship so she is still very excited. Most people I know in new relationships can’t stop talking about their new SO. Also, when I’m not feeling well all I want to do is snuggle up to DH, not hang out with my friends. 

Has she always been a one upper? Or is this a new thing? If it’s a new thing, just give her time to settle into this new relationship.

Post # 9
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Her relationship is new, and she is all giddy which is normal. If she does it all the time then maybe you should talk to her about.

Post # 10
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@veryberry13:  Honeymoon phase, just be her friend and go with it 🙂

You probably didn’t realize it but I am sure you and your 3 year man annoyed a few friends as well. It happens without us knowing! Just smile and nod and let her be excited 

Post # 11
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@veryberry13:  I totally understand you’re frustrated.  But I’m going to play devil’s advocate on this one and suggest that maybe she’s not actually (or deliberately, at least) being a one-upper.  She’s probably just excited about the new guy, and excited that she has something to add to conversations that revolve around dating and boyfriends.

I’m assuming she’s listened to you for 3 years talk about the great, wonderful, super things your boyfriend does for you.  Now it’s your turn to return the favor and cut her some slack. 

I know it can be annoying but remember that you were probably annoying in the beginning stages of your relationship with your boyfriend, too (I’m sure some of my friends think that I was annoying when I first met FI).  I think it’s just a natural thing we all do, and we owe it to our friends to give them a little leeway.

My personal rule is that when a friend is in a new relationship, they get 2 months to be completely self-absorbed, flaky, and to talk about the guy incessantly.  After that, I expect things to get back to normal 🙂

Post # 12
Member
5432 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@LilySarah:  “She’s probably just excited about the new guy, and excited that she has something to add to conversations that revolve around dating and boyfriends.

I’m assuming she’s listened to you for 3 years talk about the great, wonderful, super things your boyfriend does for you.  Now it’s your turn to return the favor and cut her some slack. 

I know it can be annoying but remember that you were probably annoying in the beginning stages of your relationship with your boyfriend, too”

That’s exactly what I was going to say (: I know it can be annoying, but try to give her lots of opportunites to talk about him. It’s all really new for her with this guy. I’ve been with my FI for 5 years and it can be hard to remember what it was like when we were a new couple, but I know that I probably talked about him constantly and annoyed everyone aha. It’s pretty expected and even though it’s irritating, it’s not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. Try to let it go and be happy for your friend. She’ll get it out of her system and then things will go back to normal.

Post # 13
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Like others have said, she’s probably just really happy about this new relationship and may not be aware that what she’s doing comes off as competitive. The examples you gave, while annoying, don’t seem serious at all. 

 

 I find it rather funny that you, being in a three year relationship, would be so distraught about how your friend is acting for a grand total of three weeks. She’s been listening to you for years. I don’t know how long ago her last relationship was, but she finally has someone she can gush about too.

Your wanting her to say “Oh, that’s sweet” when you talk about Mr. VB makes sense, but sounds selfish at the same time. You actually said that you can’t talk about how awesome your boyfriend is without her talking about her boyfriend. How many times in three weeks are you talking about how awesome Mr. VeryBerry is? Do you see what I’m getting at? It has been three years and you can talk about how awesome your boyfriend is, but her excitement for her relationship of three weeks is getting on your nerves and stepping on your toes. To be frank, that’s just silly. 

 

I think you should drop this whole issue and let her be excited. She’ll calm down before too long. 

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@veryberry13:  I completely understand you’re feeling annoyed/frustrated/etc.; but after all, it’s her turn 😉 Just try to remember this is new to her and she’s still in the honeymoon stage; smile, be a good friend and get excited for her 🙂 It’ll help build your relationship. Life is too short to get annoyed about every single detail, better be excited and happy too, you might even enjoy it!

Post # 16
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@tksjewelry:  Seinfeld basically has everything in it. I pretty much base my life around it

I suggest Seinfeld, or no soup for you!

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