Competition with your hubs–you guys are going to say I'm stupid….

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think I can see it from both points of view – your upset because he has taken away one of the things that is YOURS and makes you an individual. Maybe it is something you are good at, and you want to be recognised for that, which is fair enough. 

On the other hand, you’re feeling silly about it because, at the end of the day, you aren’t the only one who is allowed to like running. So you are probably feeling like a right nit for feeling this way. 

My fiancé is a runner and I’m not. People ask me, why don’t you get into running? And I say something along the lines of “it’s not for me” but really it’s because Im worried that if I start running and start to enjoy it and become good at it then I will be taking that away from my fiancé – it is his thing in our relationship. 

Question for you – do you run in races? What distances do you like and are they the same as his?

Post # 4
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know it’s stupid but I kind of have the same thing. I’ve played tennis since I was young. I was very good in high school and still played a bit in college. I’m okay now, not great but still decent. I begged DH to play with me all the time and he finally did. Now he plays with his friends and has gotten very good. Definitely better than me. Partly because he is just more athletic and partly because he is stronger and taller than me. I know it’s stupid that I get angry when he beats me and I know it’s stupid that I feel like he took away the one sport I was good at but I can’t help it! I’ve been playing on and off for ages and do well on the leagues I play in and all of a sudden he starts playing and is awesome at it (like pretty much any sport he plays).

So even though it’s silly, I understand how you feel. I really have no advice other than keep your mouth shut about it. You can’t expect him to stop doing it just because it’s your thing. Don’t run with him if you don’t enjoy it and try really hard not to compare yourself to him. I try to remember that DH is just naturally athletic where I need to really work at something to become good at it. I still have flashes of jealousy and wish that he could just be a little worse at tennis but at least I have someone to play tennis with now 🙂

Post # 5
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ZeRaaashian:  Is it bothering you that he’s running or is it that he’s better than you? 

Post # 7
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

..shouldn’t it be a good thing? I mean, now you have a hobby you can do together, someone who understands when you talk about racing/running/shoes/injuries, whatever, and you have some motivation to get better. These all sound like wins to me.

You shouldn’t be competitors – you should be on the same team. Buck up, buttercup.

Post # 11
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ZeRaaashian: Is there a women’s running club you can join? My fiance and I tried running together (I train for races, he does it for leisure), but we couldn’t run together because my legs are shorter than his, and it was messing up our strides to try to keep up with each other.

I TOTALLY see where you’re coming from. I ran my first half in May and have been battling a knee injury ever since that has pretty much stopped my running completely. He started running a few weeks before my half, and now subscribes to Runners World and joined a men’s running club. 

I don’t think it’s crazy – try to look at the positive. Maybe this is the incentive you need to push yourself harder and sign up for races. I would start with the Women’s Only 5 and 10ks. Smile

Post # 12
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

its nonsense.. be happy you guys have a passion in common.. if you find joy in something whyis it so hard to think that he does too.. 

I love reading. My husband loves reading. We read different types of books. we dont ususally read at the same time

You guys do different types of running.. You should reconsider your position and be supportive of his healthy hobby!

Post # 15
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ZeRaaashian:  People evolve and grow, if we stayed the same how booooring would life be. and that is an amazing thing for your hubster to grow into. its an extremely productive and healthy hobby. 

Also, hes a man.. physiologically he is going to be better than you. Its just biology. You cant realistically compete with him on the same plane. Thats why womens and mens sports are separated.. 

AND you could use this to develope another hobby, not give up running, but grow into something else in addition that even if he took it up you could just be better 🙂


Post # 16
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ZeRaaashian:  Ah hashing – I should start doing that again.

Anyway, as ridiculous as it sounds, I sort of get where you are coming from.  I have some friends that I’ve intorduced to rock climbing.  I love that they love it, but they are definitely not allowed to be better than me. =p

I don’t really have any better advice than to just get over it.  I mean, he is a guy and guys are typically faster than women.  It shouldn’t be much of a surprise to learn he’s faster. *shrugs*

Also, one of the great things about running and the other runners I’ve encountered is that unless you are an elite runner, no one is out to beat each other – it’s all personal.  I don’t worry about being the fastest or beating my friend or H, I focus on my own goals and breaking PRs.  So maybe it would help for you to make your goals and train towards those.  Let your hubby do his own thing and you just focus on you. 

Is he going to do the 1/2 with you? The other thing is that he might be faster, but you could beat him on endurance. 

In the end, the key might be to run for a different reason than your H.  There are, after all, different types of runners.  You can set your personal goals while he just races to race.  Or if you don’t like races, then you run for meditative purposes or for fun and he runs to race.  I love to race, I hate running to just run.  But H is the opposite.  He NEEDS to run to be happy.  He’ll do it just for kicks where as I need a reason or end goal. 


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