(Closed) Competitive Bridesmaid

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Just be happy for her, concentrate on planning your wedding, and politely decline when she asks for help on hers. And do what you can to cut the wedding banter between the two of you and try to steer the conversation to other things.

Post # 4
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i would just be helpful and happy for her.  obviously, this isn’t the scenario she dreamed of, and she’s going to have to sacrifice a lot to pull it off in 2 months (if it even happens).  sounds like your weddings are going to be very different, anyways. 

Post # 5
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Seriously, if she’s exuding this attitude, can she really be a good friend to you? Also, she just may be insecure if she got engaged after you and is rushing to get married. I think that you should be as supportive as possible. If she wants your help with planning, that’s fine, but she needs to be the main planner (for example, she can come to you and ask you your opinion on two different invitations, but she’s the one that finds it). 

Post # 6
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about this except try your best to not let her petty behavior get to you.

I know that’s easier said than done. I have a friend who makes everything into a contest… who has a better job, better boyfriend, better apartment, better car, better clothes, better body, gets engaged first, gets married first, etc. We used to be very close, but her competitiveness has nearly ruined our friendship on several occasions. I’m just trying to live my life and I don’t want to play her game, but she insists on keeping score.

At first I was really hurt and angry, but now I just feel bad for her. I realized that she’s only like this because she is deeply insecure, and unhappy with herself and the way her own life is going. Now when she starts getting snarky, I ignore it and change the subject or laugh it off as if she was joking. If she says something that really stings, I just remind myself that I’m not even trying to play her game and I’m still “winning” it if you go by her rules.

It’s obvious that your friend’s ridiculous plan to wed before you is going to not going to end well for her. How sad that she doesn’t realize the only wedding she’s spoiling is her own. And your fiance makes a great point – is her boyfriend/fiance even on board with this?! But anything you say to her, even if it’s out of genuine concern for her happiness, will only fuel her imaginary contest. JennyW1’s advice is perfect – congratulate her, then focus on making your day everything you hoped it would be.

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This whole story is so bizarre and sounds a bit absurd….do you think she is just feeling you out? Trying to push your buttons, perhaps? As most of the ladies on here can attest—-planning a wedding is no smal feat. Let alone planning one during a major holiday. If my best friend told me today she was planning a wedding for New Years Eve, I’d be like “Good luck, Sister”…..

But seriously, I agree with pp about being supportive, etc. etc. I don’t think this is likely to pan-out.

Post # 8
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

I think I would need to see her boyfriends bank account that should be everything he’s earned in the last year if I were her.  That just doesn’t sound right.

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