- 7 years ago
This is going to be a long one, sorry in advance.
One of my bridesmaids is a girl I met in college 6 years ago. We’re very very close and tell each other pretty much everything. She’s been with her boyfriend for 4 years and has been going literally insane to be married. She feels as though she is totally ready, but her boyfriend doesn’t seem to be. At first he told her he wouldn’t propose until she graduated college, she did in 5/09, then he said once she got a full time job and could help out more with the bills, she did and still nothing. Theeen it became an issue of him saving up enough money, so she currently pays for everything so he could save, which has been going on for a year or so, and still no progress. They’ve gone ring shopping together once and he has bad credit and can’t afford to get a ring. She’s real specific about what ring she wants because she feels it’s the only time she’ll get a nice piece of jewelry. She has sent him emails with specific ring info for the ring she wants, 1ct, specific cut, clarity etc. While going through all of these false promises from her boyfriend, she’s wanted a few different types of weddings. She’s always said she wanted a huge proposal with a massive ring, a big wedding at a real regal place because she has a big family and has been a dream of hers. So to help her out we looked at potential places together on the internet. Then her boyfriend really wanted to elope in a tropical place so I helped her look up packages for Sandals etc. Theeen she wanted to elope in Key West which FI and I had looked at so I gave her all of my information on that.
Fast forward to me and my FI. We got engaged on my birthday in 2008. I called her beyond excited and she went “oh…congrats.” Not super enthused. She asked what ring I got, I told her and she went “oooh that’s the ring I want!!! You’re so lucky!!!” Which is all fine, though I felt very very guilty. My FI and I decided to have a longer engagement so I could graduate with my undergrad degree and get going on my masters so we’re getting married this summer. When we actually set a date she went “just so you know, I’m going to be married before you.” Kinda half joking. When we talk about the wedding she frequently criticizes how long we have been engaged for and says she’d never be engaged for so long and talks about how excited she is to get engaged.
We live across the state from each other and email each other multiple times a day usually. I’ve been filling her in on all of our plans for our upcoming wedding. Then she sends me an email the other day saying “Surprise, I want to get married this Christmas and we’re having a reception on New Years Eve!!!” As in two months from now. I sent her an email trying to be as upbeat as possible, saying realistically I don’t know how it could happen, let alone the fact they aren’t engaged yet. She emailed me back and said “I told you I’d be married before you, I’ll try not to be pregnant for your wedding!!” In order to get married by then she’s going to pick out her own engagement ring, pay for it, theeen they can get started on the wedding planning.
I’m all for a woman picking out the engagement ring and being in charge, but I know it’s not what she really wants. I’m also frustrated because she totally expects me to help her plan her wedding in 2 months that may not happen and I’m going to grad school, working several jobs and am trying to plan my own wedding. I don’t know, I just feel like it’s turning into a huge competition which I do not want to be apart of. I don’t feel competitive towards her, and I really want her to have the wedding of her dreams when it happens organically for them. But it surprises me that she’s really trying to rush her wedding to beat mine and not have the wedding she’s always talked about with her family able to attend.
Sorry that was so long I just needed to get it off my chest and tell someone other than my FI that simply says “Just don’t pay any attention until she gets engaged, because you know it probably won’t happen.”