(Closed) Complaints of a FedUp MOH

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. I am so sorry! Those people sound truly awful and you have done a ton already for the bride! Does she know about how crappy her bridesmaids are being to you or have you kept it a secret from her so she wouldn’t have the drama?

Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@lalamcbee:  Where is she from that the Maid/Matron of Honor pays for the brides dress and shoes?  I think her family is just being ridiculous.  Is this bride even worth dealing with all of this drama?  I would have a polite conversation with the bride and offer to resign if she thinks you’re cheaping out or not doing things right.

Post # 5
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What planet is the MoB from where the maid of honor pays for the bride’s dress, shoes, and weekend getaway AND gives a generous gift on top of that?

I think you need to have an honest talk with the bride and explain what your financial limits are– you’re definitely being generous with your time and your money, but it sounds like your bride friend doesn’t recognise it, and expects it to continue!

Post # 6
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ok the Mother-In-Law is nuts.  No where world wide does the Maid/Matron of Honor pay for the Brides dress.  THE Mother-In-Law Does pay for the rehersal dinner .. hopefully she’s got that covered. 


Flakey BM’s … yeah this entire site is littered with those. IT sucks , it’s sad, but your BFF saddled you with a bunch of … irresponsible chicks.  


The jack/jill … i’d probably submit receipts for the things I”ve spent my money on.  I’d have a .. “come to jesus” chat with my BFF and let her know wtf she got you into.  Seriously you are awesome!

Post # 7
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Dear Lord….That is a lot of drama. 

What is your next plan of attack then? 

Recently the Best Man and Maid of honor of our bridal party (they’re married to each other) have been going through a lot financially so whenever I talk about our wedding they’ve felt some tension with us, so I had to reach out to them and talk to them and let them know how important they are to us, and if we can we want to help them.

That talk really put them at ease and once they heard our honesty about some things our relationship has improved. 

Maybe that is what the bride needs? A reality check. Sometimes a bride just gets so wrapped up in her own head she can wind up other members of the bridal party and make others feel left out on the insanity loop, LOL. 

I am sorry you’re going through this, this all seems so crazy. No wonder you’re so stressed out. 

Post # 8
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The Mother-In-Law is out of her freaking mind with what she expects of a Maid/Matron of Honor. 

For the Stag party, we are doing the same thing…  However, on the invites it says what we are doing and how much it costs for each person.  If someone can’t afford it, then they won’t come.  Can you still plan an awesome event that is perfect? Yes.  What we are doing doesn’t really require any deposites.  Everyone just knows what they are required to pay for when we get there…. or they don’t go.  FYI we are going white water rafting, camping overnight for Friday and then spending Saturday at the casino and going out for dinner.  Everyone pays for themselves. 


As far as the shower goes, it seems like you are doing a great job!!!!  Have you mentioned anything to the bride about the unresponsive BM’s?  Try saying something like, “I am having a hard time getting ahold of some of the girls.  Could you text/call/email them my information again in case they lost it. I would hate to have them excluded from all the fun parts of planning your shower.” 

Maybe saying something like that will make your bride realize how much you are doing and that they are not contributing at all…

Have you gotten the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses yet?  I would even tell the bride how you are worried about them being able to pay for the dresses if they can’t even afford a $5 item for the shower…. 


UGH.  I am pissed off for you.  So sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 9
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just tell me where these nuts are and I’ll come kick somme shins!!!

Post # 11
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think I would honestly just tell the bride that you will no longer be the MoH. I don’t think I love anyone enough to put up with thier friends, family and Future Mother-In-Law constantly telling me that I’m not doing enough and should be doing more.

You might need to sit down with the bride and explain what is going on and how you’re feeling. Maybe the other BM’s are bitching about you to her so she thinks all of the issues are your fault (which they are not). If sitting down and explaining how much time, effort and money you’ve put into her wedding doesn’t make her change her mind about you “cheaping out” then I would just tell her I couldn’t be MoH and would like to attend the wedding as a guest instead.

Post # 12
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

WOW! Im so sorry they are doing this to you.. if I were you I would talk to the bride and let her know how you are feeling and maybe its time to end that friendship !! that is not a friend !


Post # 13
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow. I don’t blame you one bit. That sounds horrible. 🙁

If the bride is giving you grief I would step down and forget about that friendship. If it’s just others, I would ignore them, do what works for you and call it a day. But from past experience, I know this will probably wear on your relationship with her in the future, so you might want to just consider just telling her you can’t continue to be her Maid/Matron of Honor because of the demands being made of you that you did not anticipate.

Sorry that you have to deal with this S*%T. 

Post # 14
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The bride has actually accused you of cheaping out after you’ve gone to all of this time and effort and only gotten a bunch of criticism for it?? Honestly, I’d be considering stepping down and ending the friendship ebcause the sounds completely self-absorbed and inconsiderate. You have gone totally above and beyond! I agree with @HisIrishPrincess: that it’s high time you sit down with her for a ‘Come to Jesus’ talk…she sounds like it’s way past needed.

Post # 15
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Miss2Mrs_Beerlover:  Totally agree with what you’ve said here.

OP, I think just have a talk with the bride – if she’s really your BFF, then she should understand. Miss2Mrs_Beerlover’s script for dealing with flakey bridesmaids for the shower sounds awesome. It doesn’t blame anyone, you just come across as a concerned Maid/Matron of Honor trying to get hold of some people you don’t know very well.

Ignore the FMIL! Really, unless you know her outside of wedding planning, I don’t think you need to have anything to do with her – you really only need to touch base with her about the shower arrangements so she knows where to go and who’s invited (if that). Other than that, what possible reason could the groom’s mother have for needing to contact the bride’s MOH?
If it gets really bad, maybe just jokingly mention it to your BFF “Hey! I was just wondering where Future Mother-In-Law is from? She was telling me in their culture the Maid/Matron of Honor buys XYZ. Haha, wish I could get away with something like that for my wedding!” Make it into a bit of a joke to see if this is actually something the bride expects (hopefully not!), and also just to let her know that her Future Mother-In-Law has been putting unnecessary pressure on you.

As for the Jack and Jill – maybe just have an honest talk with your BFF about it. “I would love to have a big party like that – some of the other people invited said that they couldn’t afford that much, though. So we can either make it a one-day event, cut back on some of the activities, or you and the groom can cover your own expenses for the day.”

At the end of the day, if this woman really is such a close friend, she should listen to you and understand what’s going on. Also, if you’ve got any written communication from bridesmaids or Future Mother-In-Law (texts, emails, etc.) try to keep a copy of it, so if they turn around and say something different, you’ve got proof of what they’ve been telling you.

Post # 16
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lalamcbee:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sometimes lazy BMs and crazy in-laws are part of the package, but I am really sorry especially for entitled attitude of the bride and groom. The stag/ette or jack and jill party is a gift to the bride and groom, and like all gifts they should gratefully accept whatever they get. Don’t put in any more than you have to. Explain to the bride that you’ve done heaps already, and if she wants more she needs to speak to her bridesmaids.

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