Weddingbee boards

I just got back from a friends party and I can't explain it but the entire night I just felt completely and utterly alone. A few of my friends have all recently been dumped by their long-term boyfriends and myself being recently engaged I think has created some jealousy. Problem is while they are sad being alone because they don't have their significant other there anymore... I am sad because I feel like I'm losing all my friends. It just feels like it gets worst as time goes by.

I know this is strange to say but even though I"m getting married I feel so alone even though right now is the time I should be feeling so loved. How do I stay happy and focused when all I can think about is how sad and lonely I feel.

-Depressed in the City

I know exactly how you feel. I really do.

When we got engaged, i was excited to tell all my friends and sit down with everyone and look at dresses and flowers and for everyone to have fun with it... really it ended up being me spending a lot of time on the internet and on the phone making decisions and calling vendors. My mom and sister came with me to a few dress appointments... no parties or really any excitement from friends.

What I really felt was a lot of drifting away.. either friends who had just gotten married so they were over the whole wedding thing, or friends who were single and not interested in being a part of the plans.I have a lot of guy friends, and though they were happy for me, they were a little weirded out by the explosion of girly decisions i was making (flowers, frilly things, etc).

It can really be a lonely time. All I can say is that it gets better. Like you will have, I had the holidays in the middle of the planning year to break things up. Take December off and relax. As the wedding gets closer, people around you will feel more genuinely excited because it's close and the wedding seems more of a reality.

Thanks for sharing ladies.

It just makes me so sad to think no one cares about me or my FI and our life...maybe I''m being overly sensitive but I just feel like althought people tell me congratulations and how happy they are for me since none of them are engaged or even close to it, it feels like there is a lot of anger and jealousy and it makes me question my relationships. IF they were TRUE friends would they really feel this way. Its putting so much strain on me because I haven't picked my bridesmaids yet for this very reason (I wanted to wait a few months to see who would step up to the plate) and although some did initially after many of them became single it feels like none of them care.

It's normal for there to be some jealousy, and you know what...don't begrudge them that. It's hard to watch friends move on to new exciting things; they might feel like you're leaving them behind in a way. Like you don't need them anymore.

Just maybe make them feel included and important to you. If you're going to pick bridesmaids, pick them on the grounds that the girls you chose are closest to you and mean the most, I advise not to choose based on who is most attentive at this moment, or who "steps up to the plate". I really think that breeds a bit of resentment.

Just try to enjoy the time and roll with the punches, your friends will roll right along with you.

@fiya...thanks for that perspective. I guess I never really thought of it that way. I can't blame them for being a little anti-wedding right now given the fact that 2 of their boyfriends just recently broke up with them BUT still I can't help but feel I'm being kicked to the curb. I bailed on them last night for a girls night out...yet I have seen them EVERY time we've had a get together since each of them have been dumped and they made me feel like I was ditching them because I had wedding related stuff to do. I felt like saying to them...why don't you come support me for once and come help me with my wedding! There's just so much anger there on my part-most likely on there's too ( mix of jealousy and anger, which are usually intertwined) I just want it to go back to the good old days when I was the center of attention and now I just feel like a bystandard.

@hilsy85...that line came out totally wrong! What I meant by it is that now I feel as though I'm not even a valued member of the group much less "center of attention." Trust me, ALL I have done for the last while is BE there for THEM- I literally go out of my way and get no recognition or appreciation for it and its like the one time I can't be there its SUCH a big deal...they even made my fiance feel bad about me not going to this girls night as if it was his fault (they did this when I wasn't in the room- I felt it was done so deliberately to put him on the spot- I felt terrible he had to go through that interrogation)

@ rachaelrobin-I could talk to them about it individually but I don't want a pity party and I don't want them to get more involved because they feel bad for me but because they WANT to. For the time being I don't want them physically involved anyways because I haven't picked the bridal party yet and feel bad having them help if their not going to be in my wedding. However, I am using this time to see who takes initiative in my wedding thereby me and hope that helps me narrow down my bridesmaid choice.

Plus, another friend in the group has felt the same way (left out) in the past and confided about it with her closest friend in the group and what did that person do??!!! Tell the rest of us and the rest of us did nothing  to make her feel more included, instead we just judged her and couldn't understand why she felt left out. I see how that was wrong now and we should tried to make her feel more welcome.

@Entangled ...yes, I do see what your saying. I guess I just feel so left out and now that our efforts are concentrated on the single girls...its like they will just keep getting more and more distant and I'll lose them to the single life forever. It could be a matter of years or short months before their in a relationship again and can truly be happy for me and participative in the wedding planning