Post # 1
So me and my SO want completely different types of weddings. When I was young I dreamt of a vegas wedding. I didn’t want to do the church thing or any of the big wedding things. Of the people that I really want at my wedding it is a total four people my parents and my two close friends from high school. Him on the other hand wants that big wedding. Where everyone that we ever known is invited. He also wants to do all the other factors that just adds to the cost of the wedding.
He believes that the big wedding will be cheaper then the vegas wedding. Which I totally disagree. I know if we did a vegas wedding we will end up paying below $6,000 with food, hotel, flight, outfits for the bridal party.If we did one of those big weddings it will cost over $15,000 on the cheap side.
Any feedback on how to get your way in this situation?
Post # 3
@tynakinnon: Well, the hard truth is that neither of you should “win” in this situation. Compromise is the name of the game, and there’s definitely room here. Would you be okay with a traditional wedding with a limited guest list? Would he be willing to consider a destination wedding somewhere other than Vegas? What if he was able to invite more guests to Vegas/elsewhere?
As far as budgets go, neither of you can have a constructive discussion about it until mock ups are put together. FI and put together rough budgets for a few different scenarios to get a feel for what was truly important to us and what we could afford. Your FI might just need to see actual numbers to really be convinced.
Post # 4
@tynakinnon: Compromising SUCKS but it might be the only way for this to work.
Similar to you, I wanted to elope. FH said we’ll do whatever I want but then we got engaged and his family wanted to be there. Well, we added immediate family and grandparents, then aunts and uncles, then cousins, and now their family friends/neighbors are coming too for a confirmed guestlist of 45. FH keeps on telling me that he didn’t want all this but he would have stopped it if he didn’t really want all of it in my opinion. Well, I quit planning a week into it because I never wanted it in the first place so why should I stress about it when he doesn’t want to do any of the planning? My FMIL is now planning and paying for 90% of the wedding. She thinks that she’s doing us a favor when she’s really doing it for herself. I will probably resent her for a while and resent my FH for not stopping this and doing almost the exact opposite of what I want. I have been resistant and stubborn through this entire process.
With a compromise, you won’t be happy and he won’t be happy but that’s the way a compromise works.