- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I haven’t been on here for a long time, I was doing a great job waiting very patiently hadn’t mentioned it to the SO or anyone else. Back in July the SO had told me he was saving up money for a ring. Then again in October he reminded me he had been saving money he says he told me it would be about 5months back in July. Either way in October he said remember I told you on July 25th it would be about 5 months. Well so I went into shut up about it mode. I fully assumed ours would be a christmas engagement. I did not mention anything about it again.
Well Christmas came and went but all of the time was spent running back and forth to assorted homes of exstended family for both of us. It never seemed right, but I still really thought it was coming. I stayed a few extra days with my family, while he went back to his house. (we do not live together) My mothe made sure to ask why we werent engaged yet… I expressed my frustration with her comments to him via text message. He responded “come home to me so i can confirm that we will one day be married” MY HEART NEARLY FLEW OUT OF THROAT in that moment! I knew it, he was going to propose as soon as the time was right. I came home on the 28th I thought he would be at my apartment waiting …he wasnt I was kind of glad…it seemed to easy to guess. Now in my head its a game…when will it happen…i finally figured out when it would be. Of course new years eve at midnight, its my favorite holiday and we would be surrounded by our closest friends. It seemed perfect.
All i got at New Years was a kiss… we kissed drank some champagne and everyone including my SO went right back to the party we were hosting together. I tried to fight it…I tried so hard. But the slap in the face dissapointment i was feeling combined with a bit of alcohol was too much to handle. I felt the a prickly stinging lump growing bigger and harder in my throat. I went to the bathroom and quietly sobbed for a few minutes. I cleaned myself up and rejoined the party. but as soon as I saw my SO again I could not fight back the dissapointment. He saw the tears building up in my eyes and he walked out side so we could talk alone. He could not figure out what was wrong. I did not want to tell him but he would not drop it he was convinced someone had said something to upset me. Finally after a good 15 minutes of interigation i broke down sobbing like a child and told him the whole dreadful truth. that i was so sure he was going to propse at midnight and my level of dissapointment was too much to control.
I explained why i was so sure he appologized he said he never meant to make me think that and was extremely sorry. we spent the next three hours talking, but I could not be soothed. He did try though.
Over the course of our conversation I learned that all of the money he had saved up was put into recent necessary car repairs. I knew about the car work. What was more upsetting was that in all the time of saving. roughly 350 was all he had saved now my ring fund is completely empty.
I thought my waiting was over and now its like i am starting from scratch. I’m still crying everyday, I try to hide it but the SO has caught me everytime. I feel so bad. I am not trying to make him feel worse than he already does but I cannot get over this. I am devestated. Mostly because I feel as though it is completely hopeless. I do not see how he will ever have the money, there will always be car repairs and medical bills and rent. I feel like it will not ever happen and I do not know what to do now.
Then I start to think that I shouldnt feel this way, that i should be willing to get engaged without a ring. he says the only reason we arent is because he cant afford a ring, so lets just do it without a ring. But I do want a beautiful ring. and now i feel like thats wrong. is it? Now I am questioning everything, I don’t want to be engaged just so I can have a ring. its nothing like that, I want to be engaged to the love of my life my hero my everything. But am I wrong to want the ring to go with it, is it wrong to want that symbol?
So now I am crying everyday feeling very hopeless about the situation and wondering if i should just say forget the whole thing. I’m starting to feel like we should just for go everything if we want to be married just get married at the court house and start sharing funds so life owuld be easier for both of us?
But I do want a ring and a wedding not for vain or material reasons, because it is a symbol and celebration of the beautiful love we share.. but now i feel guilty for wanting these things.
Or if i’m not feeling guilty i’m feeling angry with my SO. i feel like he’s not being smart with his money, like its just a crutch or an excuse because he does not really want to be engaged. I fee like he is just telling me these things to appease me but not really meaning them or acting on them. It makes me wonder if I allow too at this point in our relationship. We arent engaged just dating. we don’t live together but we spend every night together at one home or the other. we have a dog. all our friends are mutal at this point. We share money rather frequently. He buys grocerys i buy groceries, he needs a few bucks for gas i give it, i need a few he gives it. in so many ways we function as a married couple, but we arent even engaged. Should I take a few big steps back? would that get him off his ass? would it make him think that maybe he needs to get serious? that he cant just continue this way. I mean its perfect for him and depressing for me. He still gets his man house, with his roommates and an xbox and beer and pizza. or he can come to my place and get all the comforts of having a loving wife, who is actually only his girlfriend who is feeling more and more jipped everyday.
I am feeling really devestated and confused here ladies…
how can i shake this overwhellming feeling of dissapointment?
should i continue on this path and not make any changes to our relationship?
should i give up on wanting a ring?
should i pull away and pay less attention and affection to my SO?
any advice all? please…