(Closed) Completely Stressed Out- Guest List

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have a response for you…  Whenever someone tells you that they are so happy to be coming to your wedding and they can’t wait for you to meet [uninvited guest] you straighten your spine and tell them “Oh, I’m sorry that won’t be possible.  The invitation that we extended was addressed to you and Auntie Jen, it’s just not possible for us to accomodate cousin Sue’s boyfriend.  I do hope you’ll still be able to join us.”

And if the person presses the issue, you maintain your polite spine, and repeat “I’m sorry, that just isn’t possible.”  Do not give these people a “reason” – they’ll offer you a solution.  (“h, don’t worry about the cost, we’ll pay for his plate!” or “Oh, well he’s young, he doesn’t need a seat, don’t worry about venue capacity!” or “Oh, well I heard that Aunt Edna isn’t coming, so he can have her seat!”… )  Be polite, but be firm.

And it might be prudent to start this conversation with your FMIL & FI.  “Ok, we’ve already determined the guest list and sent out invitations.  Now other people can NOT be added to the guest list – it’ll look as though they are second class guests! On top of this, you’re both aware of the challenges we’ve had with the guest list.  Please try to help me manage the numbers so I don’t look like the bad guy.  If somebody asks about attending the wedding, please PLEASE let them know that we appreciate their well wishes, but at this time we simply cannot accomodate another guest.”

If you meet resistance from FMIL & FI, it’s time to figure out why, and what you (as a group) can do about the guest list specifically, and communication & respect in general.

Post # 4
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No sage words of wisdom here, just a heartfelt “I feel ya”! I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING! My wedding contract specifically states my event will be for 150 (although the venue owner told us we could do an extra 15-20 ppl) and my current invite list is up to 241!!! This is because after we had the guest list down to 200 invites my mom and MIL decided to start “remembering” people and sending “courtesy” invites to people “know won’t come”.

I am getting married in 31 days and the invites are trickling in. There have been some regrets, but my mom is saying now she wants to send more “courtesy invites” 2 weeks before the wedding!! We’ve also had someone write in an additional uninvited guest already (was the 2nd rsvp we received)! I am filled with anxiety over whether we will get at or below the 180 ppl mark by our wedding day. I don’t want to be penalized by my venue for the extra guests!

Post # 6
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I saw someone above posted it but just lather rinse repeat.

“I’m sorry, that won’t be possible”.  Just keep saying it.  And remember you don’t owe them an explanation.

Remember that they are the ones being rude by adding guests, you are not being rude in not accomodating them.

Re forward the message to your inlaws that said you needed a final guest list, if they didn’t make the cut then, they don’t make it now. 

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