Post # 1
(Disclosure: Boyfriend is in the Navy, I leave to visit him next week. Pretty 100 percent certain the proposal will happen then. I have had so much excitement about being newly engaged over the holidays and being lucky enough to spend it together..)
So all year we’ve expected that he would be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We’ve been planning and the excitement has been building and I never really even thought of what it would be like to spend our first holiday season apart. Well I’m fighting tears right now writing this but I just got the call saying that he won’t be home for the holidays afterall. The earliest he can come home is December 27th. Mind you deployment will probably be in January so I was really grasping at any time we get together..especially over the holidays. I’m a wreck right now. Its taking everything in me not to start bawling my eyes out. Mostly because I know that if I start crying I wont stop, there’s absolutely no way I’d be able to control myself..so I’m holding it all in. I told soon to be FI that I was going to bed and couldn’t talk anymore tonight because I know its my job to be strong and supportive and I didn’t want him to know just how much pain this is causing.
I know this is basically just a whiny “poor me” post but I could really use some support right now bee’s. I’m not a talkative person and I don’t like discussing my problems with people I’m close to other than soon to be Fi.. and I can’t talk to him about this. I don’t want to let on how badly it hurts because he needs me to lean on.
Send me some positive vibes please. I’m losing it over here.
Post # 3
I don’t have much experience with this type of thing, but it is OKAY to feel sad! It is a tough situation. *internet hugs*
Post # 4
My husband is in the Navy. I will be honest with you — deployments change all the time. Both for the better and worse. It will never get easier but you will become stronger. Your disappointment will still be there but instead of seeing it as, “Boyfriend won’t be home for Christmas.” You’ll see it as, “One more month down. One more to go until I’m with him again.”
I’ve spent holidays away from my husband. I’m 1,200 miles with two friends and no family. I end up spending a lot of my time alone because of my husband’s deployment schedule (I see him a week out of every month if I’m lucky) and it’s hard to plan or do anything because of this.
I’m sorry your SO won’t be home for the holidays. I suggest you just get your tears out now because it will be so much easier. Bottling up that ache will only ruin you.
Just know that even though you’re away from home, he’s away from you, too. It isn’t easy on him either and I know that he so dearly wants to be home with you for the holidays, too. You’ll both be looking at the same moon at night, knowing that the other wants to be with them.
Being a military wife isn’t easy, but the pride you’ll have for your husband is something I can’t even explain, and the overwhelming joy when you spring into his arms after he comes home is the best feeling ever.
Post # 5
@ohhbitty: It is hard to accept reality when your love is in the military or if either of you are shift workers. There are thousands of couples who will be in your shoes. Find somewhere else to go on Christmas Day and spend time with other people. Another alternative is to do some volunteer work at a shelter. You will truly count your blessings.
Then just pretend that the 27th is the 25th and have your Christmas with him then.
Post # 6
(((((HUGE HUGS))))))) I am so very sorry. My bf is military too, but he’s an officer so I guess he doesn’t really get deployed? My heart has always poured out for girls like you that have to deal with that. I cannot even imagine. Just keep telling yourself that it won’t be like this forever. When you’re apart, throw yourself into working out, learning new makeup and hair techniques, anything to improve yourself. Again, I’m sorry and I hope us Bee’s can help you out a little.
Post # 7
By the way……..we very well may be getting engaged on or close to the same day!!! I’m expecting it the 26-30th. 🙂
Post # 8
@julies1949: I will be with family so I wont be alone thankfully but it still makes my heart feel empty that we can’t have that little bit of time together. i tthink the initial shock is starting to wear thin and I’m calming down. I can’t say it doesnt and wont hurt though.. thank you for your kind words and advice. I just keep thinking that as hard as I’m taking this little bump, I can’t imagine what a baby I’ll be come deployment… I really need to toughen myself up. Thank you for responding/hearing me out, I can always count on the bee. <3
@Future_Mrs_Dr_I: I’ll probably take to some of that advice…I really need to start working out again. Thanks for the kind words. And really?!! I’m hoping for around the 21st. wWe will have to keep in touch! Can’t wait to hear your proposal soon! <3
Post # 9
(HUGS) I have no experience with this but I just wanted to let you know I’m sending positive vibes your way and I have my fingers crossed that you are able to spend the holidays with him! Congrats on your upcoming engagement and have fun spending time with him next week 🙂
Post # 10
@ohhbitty: Thanks!!! Definitely keep us posted. I work out of state for 7 days out of the month. I miss him, but we FaceTime and I try to improve myself, because it’s fun to knock his socks off next time I see him, lol. Plus working out does amazing things for your mind. 🙂
Post # 11
@ohhbitty: Honestly, if you decide you are going to have a good day, you will. My kids and I have had many Christmases on alternate days when I worked in the ER.
Post # 12
It’s ok to let it out and to cry about it to yourself. I promise that it will make you feel better.
You are seeing him really soon, can you throw together an early Chirstmas? Have yours in Novmember, together!
Post # 13
@Everdeen: you’re quickly becoming one of my favorite bees haha <3 but no we can’t do Early quick holidays.. We will only be together for the weekend and already have things planned. I guess we can do some weird late celebration. I feel like I just hold on to every day for dear life and knowing I’ll miss out on a weekend with him and then another four days makes me even more miserable than being jipped on holidays.
Post # 14
@ohhbitty: Okay, now you need to take a deep breath for me. You know that you are strong, that your relationship is strong. I am so sorry that you won’t be together for the holidays, but now you’ll get to celebrate Christmas for even longer once he gets back! Enjoy and cherish the time you DO have together next week. hugs to you!
Post # 15
@ohhbitty: Aww ^_^ I’m liked!
Hopefully this doesn’t sound silly to you, but it can really help to think of your missing time with him as your “duty”. My partner was in the researves, not nearly as stressful and full on as the full time defense force, but I had a small taste of what it is like to be without him (plus we have been long distance for many other reasons too). Sometimes being away from him was made harder because I felt like I had the easy job, being with my friends and family and carrying on life as normal – while he had to tough it out. Having those extra days taken away is where the really hard part comes in for those of us supporting someone who is serving. That’s the biggest part of your duty and it might help to think of this as your weight to bare.
I hope that doesn’t sound riducilous, because I really do believe that it will help.
Post # 16
@ohhbitty: Hey. My DH is not military but he works abroad regularly. I have 7-8 weeks alone, then 5 weeks with him. I knew it would be like this when we got together and I thought I could learn to live with it, but it’s still hard to say goodbye, especially this time, the first one since we got married. I spend the first half of him being away missing him, and the other half looking forward to him coming back. It’s hard for him to but it has its advantages also – flexibility on where we live, good salary. And one of his colleagues says that he in fact gets more quality time with his kids when he’s there 24/7 for 5 weeks than he would if he was there every day but left early for work and came home late as a lot of people do.
I spent our first Christmas together with my parents because DH was working, last year we were together and this year we don’t even know yet! He should be here but may have to leave on 24th. We’ll adapt to the situation and think of the many more Christmases to come.