Complicated BM (long? but I would appreciate help!)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do about the terrible BM who happens to be my FSIL?
    Donald Trump her butt - "YOU'RE FIRED." : (2 votes)
    10 %
    Do nothing. This will implode on its own when she doesn't get a dress. : (14 votes)
    67 %
    Keep trying - she's your FSIL. Show up at her house with a measuring tape if you have to. : (4 votes)
    19 %
    Wait until she contacts you, then pseudo-sweetly suggest that if she's too busy, she can step down : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Other? See comments : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m sorry you’re going through this.  You have enough to worry about.  If she doesn’t get a dress, then she’s basically bowing out on her own accord.  Keep her informed on all BM conversations but don’t expect a single thing from her.  That way, you at least let her know what was going on and she’s only to blame for not following through.

    Either she’ll buy a dress or she won’t.  Either she’ll stand with the other bridesmaids or she won’t.  Don’t let her have any effect on the wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    @2BeeMrsE:  Exactly.  She accepted to be a bridesmaid and is ignoring the most basic request.  And you can’t control the actions of this grown woman.  So try not to let it bother you, who knows what is going on in her head.  Your FI supports you so that is important.  This wedding is not about her and after the wedding, you can decide what kind of relationship to have with her.

    Post # 6
    Member
    42469 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m with the pp. Back off and let her assume responsibility. Continue to communicate with her as you would any other bridesmaid- just don’t expect a response. If she doesn’t get the dress, she has effectively chosen not to be  BM and you haven’t had to play the villain.

    Post # 8
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think she is making her own bed, so just let things be. You’ve sent her the order form and deadline. You’ve indicated you really just need her to buy teh dress and stand there, so if she somehow manages to pull that off (ie. have the dress in time) then she’ll stand there. If not, then be gracious and give her a good seat with teh rest of the family! I would stop contacting her though since you’ve done your part, let her be the adult she is or fail out of the wedding! I think that would also be a better situ for your FI

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