- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I’m having serious trouble with one of my BMs. She doesn’t answer emails (not a one yet, and they’ve all been important info like how/when to get the dress, asking if she wants hair/makeup, etc…not just bridal chitchat like “oooh look at my centerpieces”), and the one time I was able to nab her in person, she basically refused to talk about the wedding and really blew me off the whole night. That’s fine, all I expect the BMs to do is buy a dress and show up. But this is about buying. the. dress. She hasn’t even been able to show up for bridesmaid dress shopping (she was “busy”…before she even knew when we were going). I will say that when I’ve texted pictures of the dress choices she says “Whatever you want, I will be honored” (but it sure doesn’t feel like “honor” right now).
I’ve sent the information and order form to her, and the due date has come and gone. My wedding isn’t too far away, and I know alterations are going to be needed. She should know (I’ve mentioned it and she’s been a BM many times…and she’s a 40 year-old mom, not some kid) that the dresses are estimated to take 2-3 months to come in.
I even texted her (that worked before, but I just get “yeah I saw the email” as a response), and she said “Out of town – will call you tomorrow”. Tomorrow has come and gone by several days.
The main problem: she’s my FSIL. And I don’t want her in the wedding at this point. I mean, she hasn’t even made noises like she’s on the path to buying a dress, let alone expressing any desire to stand with me at the altar near her brother. I feel like she’s playing head games in some way, because she was super “plugged-in” emotionally and responsiveness-wise until I actually asked her to stand with me. She does, however, continue to lobby (not to me, because that would be communication…to FMIL) for her sons to be altar servers and her husband to be a groomsman (uh, no, one MIA wedding party member is enough). This has really soured our relationship going forward. And that makes me feel bad for FI, because though he’s on my side, it’s his family and he loves them.
I hate to say it, but FI was right. He sort of warned me, but I thought it was just sibling rivalry stuff.
BUT if I cut her…there will be heck to pay. She’s known for being, uhh…dominant and vocal. And FMIL is known for taking her side, though FI did say “FMIL knows who FSIL is.”
The kicker? Once she full-on CONFRONTED me and got in my face at a concert because I didn’t answer her email that day. An email asking if we were still going, to which FI answered “Mrs. E and I are still going”…no no no, *I* was also supposed to respond separately, regardless.
Also I’m going through some heavy family stuff, that she knows all about. So for her to expect me to hunt her down with a dart gun is just offensive, honestly.
So bees if you’ve made it this far…what do I do? This relationship is souring further by the minute, and at a time when I need to be there for so many other people, I have to play babysitter. I want out. HELP!