- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Ok here’s the problem. My mom is really really bad. I mean the worst-didn’t raise me, in and out of prison, emotionally abusive, most of her behavior having to do with she was a drug addict. About 10 years ago she overdosed and injured her brain. So now I have a better relationship with her (not wonderful or anything) due to the fact that she’s sober now because she has to live in a locked facility for mentally handicapped. She’s normal in the way of being able to have conversations and well whatever..her biggest problems are that her equilibrium is shot. She falls ALL of the time. Her short term memory, gone. And her emotions are super wacky. She’s child like in a lot of ways.
Now, My FMIL is a SAINT. Like the best mom ever, and she’s also very religious. I want to recognize her in our ceremony but keep running into issues. Typically if you have a unity candle both moms will light each candle representing each. But if I did this I would have to choose someone else other than my mom because she can’t handle that important of a task. If I have an aunt light the candle in her place I just hope it doesn’t occur to my mom that traditionally it is supposed to be her and turn on the water works because she feels sorry for herself on my day. So I was thinking an easier way to make my mom not feel excluded would be to do this fairly common thing where after FI and I take flowers to the virgin Mary we then walk together and hand each of our mother a rose. I thought that was perfect so that my mom doesn’t feel cut out entirely and my FMIL gets the recognition she deserves.
So I run this by my best and favorite aunt and she tells me that her mom (my grandma) would be so angry if you gave that witch a rose when she absolutely doesn’t deserve it. I explained t her that I understand that, but that since BOTH moms are going to be there the only way I can honor my FMIL is to do for both mothers so I don’t cause an upset at my wedding. I told her that I know better than everyone thatmy mom doesnt deserve it but my FMIL does and I shouldn’t let ugly things get in the way of doing lovely things. PLUS, this way I can appease my mom in a way that she’s not required to do anything requiring coordination. Just sit there and I receive the rose. THoughts? Please?