(Closed) Compromise?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you really want the sapphire ring over the diamond one, I think you should make that known. If he really wants to make you happy, he should take into consideration your desires.

If he is worried about the “tradition” of the diamond ring, you could consider white sapphire?

Post # 5
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

🙁 It’s amazing how many MEN are so set on getting diamond rings! I’m sure he has his heart in the right place, he clearly wants to get you the best he possibly can, but it’s sad to me that even when a girl WANTS a non-diamond engagement ring some men have trouble accepting the idea.

You could try showing him all the benefits of a sapphire engagement ring (cost being a big one) or just express to him how much you would prefer to get it instead of a diamond and maybe he’ll come around?

Post # 6
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

You could also try showing him the truth about diamonds (how they’re not really that old a tradition, how their prices are artificially inflated, how they are not an investment, ectect)

Post # 8
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Well if you do not actually want a sapphire, than I would say wait for the ring of your dreams.

You may have to wait a bit longer, but I think it’s worth it to get the ring you will want to wear forever. 🙂

Another option you could consider is moissanite? They are even more sparkly than a diamond and they’re much more reasonably priced! I just got my enhanced moissanite stone and it is gorgeous and looks just like a diamond to my eye.

Post # 8
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

double post.

Post # 9
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What about a mix?

Large(r) sapphire as your main stone, and then – I don’t know – a halo setting with diamonds? 3 stone with diamonds on either side? Sapphire as a solitaire with a diamond band? There are tons of options!

It’ll still have diamonds, which he wants, and it’ll have sapphires as the showstopper, which you want. Win-win!

Plus, by going with the main stone as a sapphire you can get a bigger stone (if you want) for your budget than you’d be able to otherwise, and the diamonds themselves could still be a total carat weight of .5, but because its, lets say, 15 little stones instead of one big one, it’s going to cost you significantly less. (Which you probably already know, why am I telling you this?)

I think he should really think about this and what you want as an e-ring. If you are truly in love with the idea of a sapphire ring because you love sapphires (and not *just* because of cost, although that IS a factor), then he needs to take that into consideration. I mean, honestly, who’s wearing the ring every day for the rest of their life? Him? I don’t think so.

Post # 10
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I like the idea of a mix….even a white sapphire solitare with a halo of smaller, less perfect diamonds would work. I had this exact same convo with my bf actually, and was adamant on having a gemstone; first off because they are easier to acquire through recycling, and free trade means, secondly because I would always worry where my diamond has come from, and lastly because it would be very unique and much less expensive.

The waiting is awful! I totally agree there, but I think its wise and very telling of you that you are willing to recognize the reality of the financial burden a ring could have and really put your SO first.

I think men are unjustly pressured by the wedding industry to buy a diamond, almost because anything else would be “settling” Which isnt the case! The majority of monarchs in Europe prior to World War I (where I think the trend of diamonds began) was actually gemstones and theres a long traditional of particular gemstones signifying marriage and commitment (oddly enough I think sapphire is one of them!). So maybe a little bit of compromise on both ends is the ticket here 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

If you want something big and sparkly, definitely explain to him that diamonds are nice, but you can get something much closer to what you want (read: much bigger and sparklier) if he springs for the cheaper sapphire.  Even if he spends the exact same price as he would on your diamond ring, you’ll still end up with something MUCH nicer.  Point that out if you’re sure and if he’s still saying he doesn’t want you to compromise.

My BF was the same way (even though he really kind of hates diamonds), but after I explained to him my reasoning, he agreed.  Now we’ll be able to get something huge and gorgeous and totally my style instead of something small and simple just so he can say I’ve got a diamond.

Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

it’s not like you have to decide this minute.. right?  Take a few days.  Keep looking around.  The sapphires are beautiful and the awesome thing is that hardly anyone has them!

Post # 13
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You should definitely try to decide why you want the white sapphire.  If it’s only because it will make your wait shorter, it’s not worth it.  It may take longer to get, but if the diamond is what you really want, wait for it.  This is a ring that you’ll have for the rest of your life… waiting a few more months for it are nothing compare to the rest of your life.

Also.. if you only want the white sapphire because you feel like it looks like a diamond.. you should think about how you’ll feel if someone asks you whether or not it’s a diamond– which they SHOULDN’T, but people can be surprisingly rude.  Would you feel compelled to say that it is?  Would you be disappointed or feel bad to say that it’s not a diamond and is instead a sapphire?

Post # 15
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I personally like the idea of white sapphires over diamonds. My BF was also put off when I tried to warm him up to other white stones like moissanite and white sapphires. Ask him to read this. I read it, and was pleasantly surprised to learn about the origins of the “eternity ring” DeBeers is downright clever! Genius even! But…I really do not want to buy into diamonds like this. At least, not the center stone.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/4575/

Although I am sure we could afford it, I would rather my BF get a white sapphire. My mother, who married very young, gave me a very modest upbringing. Her engagement ring was a emerald-cut ruby on yellow gold. I want the sentimentality of a sapphire (rubies are red sapphires). I also like the look.

Finding a natural, perfect white sapphire is probably harder than finding a perfect diamond. At least, that is what the online stores are giving me. I get about 50 hits of perfect diamonds at a price comparable to a vehicle to maybe 2 perfect white sapphires for around $1000-$2000, max.

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