Concerns about my Pregnant MOH

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do about my pregnant MOH?
    Let things work themselves out. I'll end up having fun no matter what happens. : (42 votes)
    63 %
    Tell the MOH how I'm feeling and what my concerns are, but make no mention of her stepping down. : (8 votes)
    12 %
    Give her the option to step down. She might appreciate it. : (17 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    7197 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    TXbride2015:  Let her bring the baby to the wedding. He or she will only be 3 months old, s/he will just feed and sleep. You will not need to be quiet for the baby. I brought my 2 1/2 month old to my sister’s wedding (I wasn’t in the bridal party) and she slept just fine. Apart from MOH doing the occasional feed, MOH’s husband can look after baby and you’ll barely notice.

    Let her opt out of the bachelorette or do something smaller. If you want a weekend bachelorette it’ll have to be without her.

    p.s. As for “when you have kids you work these situations out” – yes, when you have a newborn baby you either bring baby, stay home, or go out for a shorter time.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1583 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    TXbride2015:  Let her bring the baby. It will be easier for everyone. If you really want her to be your MOH then readjust your expectations. The most important thing is for her to be there on your wedding day and not go crazy planning a bachlorette/shower.

    Post # 4
    Member
    8706 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’d just let her bring the baby. Up until 5-6 months old babies usually sleep like the dead. I’ve sat next to newborn infants in loud movies that didn’t even flutter. They just happily snoozed away.

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    Post # 5
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    TXbride2015:  It doesn’t even matter if she is the MOH or just attending your wedding- nothing changes about her baby needing to be fed.

    Here’s a positive experience.  One of our groomsmen’s wives had a new baby at our wedding.  You’d never have even known he was there- except you could see him! They did opt to get a babysitter for thier two year old- BUT it was so they could enjoy themselves– as he was invited.

    You should never compare bach parties.  I got a hotel room for my sister, we did manis and went out to dinner and drinking all night.

    She never once mentioned a hotel room for me.  I took her to a very high end spa.  She took me to an everyday nail place.  As it turns out– I was getting over being sick the night of- so I had no desire to go out and drink BUT we did get nails done and have dinner and do a little shopping. My husband still had his all-night-at-the-casino hotel room drunkfest LOL.  Everything was still great.

     

    I feel like you are slightly unfair having “expectations” as to what your bach will be like in the first place–

    Just let your MOH bring the baby– but perhaps request she get a sitter for one year old since it’s a kids-free event.

    A three month old is much different than a toddler.  If you want her to even attend- it’s best you let her bring the baby, because she’s not going to mess up her milk supply for your wedding– and I don’t blame her if breastfeeding is a priority.

     

    Tiny babies sleep through anything- you aren’t going to have to shush your wedding for the baby.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  .
    Post # 6
    Member
    5008 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    TXbride2015:  Is there a place at your venue where she could go to breast feed the baby? Perhaps a friend (she must have a friend that isnt invited to your wedding or family member) could come to be on “baby duty” and spend the night w/the baby in that particular room. For example, we had access to a huge bridal suite that I easily could have had someone in. Otherwise – I’d just say – let her bring the baby.

    Perhaps for the bachelorette thing – I would ask her if she feels up for planning a bachelorette or if you want to pass that off to another bridesmaid. I totally understand feeling left out in terms of what you planned for hers ~ my ladies planned me a long weekend at the beach and it was a total blast. I can’t imagine turning around and planning something simple for my sister (who was my MOH). Perhaps you can include her in part of it (maybe have one night a totally chill night) and have the next night be your going out and getting drunk night. That way, she can decide if she wants to just come for one or attend both night. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Edit: Nevermind. Not worth a warn for this…

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  MrsYokiman.
    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  MrsYokiman.
    Post # 10
    Member
    7197 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    TXbride2015:  A toddler is an ENTIRELY different story. You should somehow make it clear that you expect the toddler to be babysat. That is not an unreasonable request at all. Toddlers run around, don’t sleep, and are easy to babysit. There is no contradiction between allowing newborns and not other children.

    You might need to allow her husband and baby to be nearby while you are all getting ready. As for the rehearsal: that should be short anyway. Basically, she’ll need to be feeding baby at times, but you should be able to work it out with minimum distuption.

    Post # 11
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Hmm guess I am in the minority here, but i understand your concerns and do think your MOH is being a little unfair. As a mother of a 6 week old who is breastfeeding, I would make it work for my BFF for a weekend. I don’t know why she couldn’t bring her baby, have her husband watch him and bring him to her when the baby is ready to eat, every 2 to 3 hrs. If there was a room for then to stay in.  As for the reception, I would probably eat and bow out early. I would never want to concern my BFF on her big day and would just make it work. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    TXbride2015:  Yep, it was harsh, which is why I took it down. But I still think you need to chill. Considering asking her to step down because she’s breastfeeding and can’t plan the party of your dreams isn’t cool. Think about this: you gave her an awesome condo on the beach for her bachelorette. Maybe she wanted a spa day. It’s all about perspective. Be happy you have an MoH who’s willing to do these things for you while juggling a newborn and a toddler. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4877 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    TXbride2015:  I’m acknowledging that my wedding isn’t going to be her #1 priority and wondering if giving her the option to back down is best for her first and foremost.

    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”><br />I can promise you, your wedding will not be a priority to anyone but you and your FH. I don’t say that to be ugly, I say it because that’s how it is for EVERYONE. I’ll be the first one to admit that people have kids and seem to totally forget what it was like before. If I was your friend I’d 100% find a way to make it work without having the wedding revolve around me and my baby. That being said, parties, showers, and weekends away are not a requirement when being in the bridal party. You should not be comparing what you did for your friend to what she will do for you. She’s in a different place in her life than you are. </div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>
    <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>FWIW, all of my cousins are much older than me. When they got married they had kid free weddings and I wasn’t invited to any of them. Fast forward to my wedding they all have kids and were difficult about their kids not being invited.</div>

    Post # 15
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    TXbride2015:  Your wedding isn’t until July– how could you even expect her to have a solid plan in place for the toddler at the moment LOL– I mean come on.

    If she feels she can’t attend the luncheons or the rehearsal or whatever event– let her share that with you.  The rehearsal I bet she’ll make special plans to attend– but what’s the big deal if she deosn’t attend a luncheon?  The newborn that attended our wedding- he attended our rehearsal, too.  Again, I didn’t hear a peep out of him!!

    I don’t know- if when she tells you she doesn’t have a plan for her toddler- if it’s because you’re asking, or she’s volunteering the info.  I know that my BM who was pregnant at my wedding– she wasn’t realy into thinking about wedding crap, chatting or dress shopping AT ALL her first trimester.  She was feeling really ill in comparison to her first pregnancy, had to take many personal days at work just to get through it- and she had a one year at home.

     

    You have so much time until your wedding.

    And her husband will be there for most of the events– so honestly, if you stop stressing about it, be appreciate of whatever events you DO have– it will all be OK 🙂

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