Post # 1
Hey, Bees! I’d love to hear you sound off on this
I frequent another board and a girl posted saying that she was in love with her best (guy) friend. He was in a relationship but she didn’t feel that they were a great match. She wanted to tell him how she felt
I responded saying she should respect the relationship and confess her feelings when they were both single. I was shocked to be completely flamed by others who said that she should say what she feels and she would regret it if she didn’t
Here’s my questions: What are your thoughts on people confessing feelings to someone they KNOW is in a relationship? Have you done it? Has it happened to you or a past/present SO? If so what happened? Feel free to share anecdotes or just opinions.
–Please note that this would be UNPROMPTED confessions. As in the person confessing was not prodded into it by being asked “Do you like me?” or something.
Here’s my opinion: I find this to be incredibly rude and disrespectful not only to the person but also to their relationship. If you really like someone you should wait until you are both single and then try at a relationship.
Since I’ve been dating my boyfriend I had two different guys befriend me and then confess their feelings all while knowing that I had a boyfriend. Each of them knew I was in a serious relationship and when I said I wasn’t interested acted butt hurt about it. I don’t have time for that kind of crap so I cut them out of my life!
However, sometimes good can come from this! A girl confessed her feelings to my ex and he ended up leaving me to see if the grass was greener. Good on her for taking him off my hands. Now she gets his unmotivated, weak, anger-management needing ass.
Post # 4
I had paragraphs and then I lost them and then there were like 9,000 space so sorry!!!
Post # 5
Eh…as long as the parties involved are not married, I wont say it is exactly disrespectful but I would say it’s icky/tacky.
Post # 6
@FEDORAble: I also agree with you.
My FH and I seem like such a strange match on the outside but once you see us together, you understand why we’re together. You don’t know what goes on in a relationship. Respect their relationship like you would want others to respect yours.
Post # 7
I always try to put myself in the ‘other’s’ shoes. If I found out that my SO’s best gal friend confessed her love to him, I would be pissed and hurt, and feel completely disrespected. If my best guy friend confessed his love for me knowing I was in a relationship, then although I may be ‘flattered’, I would also be pissed too, and feel disrespected. Why?! For one, it would mean our friendship would have to change, and that would make me sad, and two, I would feel as if I was being put into a position that was unprompted as well…I would have to let him down, and tell my SO what happened…ugh!
In the rare case where love was confessed, and the other party ‘agreed’ they loved them back, then my heart always goes out to the person whom was left broken.
I guess, for me, mum is the word until there is a right time to share your feelings, and the ‘right’ time to me would be when both parties are single, etc.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
@FEDORAble: That’s the only good thing about it, if person A confesses they like person B and person B leaves person C , at least person C knows what type of person B was (leave to “explore” new options). I think it’s disrespectful, the only reason for telling someone you like them is to be selfish (make yourself feel better and clearly not caring about anyone else’s feelings) or to see if they like you to leave other person. Our like you said they just need to get this of their chest (perfect timing and all) and get upset when the person in a relationship doesn’t feel the same way
Post # 9
@FEDORAble: I completely agree with you and I’ve had the same thing happen to me. Needless to say, that guy is no longer my “friend.”
Post # 10
@FEDORAble: PREACH, sister!
I absolutely agree. I think it is childish and selfish to do that. We live in a very touchy-feely and entitled society that promotes the idea of “I want it, so I should have it no matter what” and “but loooove conquers aaalllll!”. Sorry. Doesn’t work that way. I actually kinda cringed and thought “oh no no no don’t do it!” when I first saw the title of your post, thinking you were going to confess your love for someone in a relationship.
Post # 10
I am in love with a very good friend of mine. He just recently moved in with his SO but i have been feeling like this about him for almost two years now. We work together and usually have lunch together. I don’t want to loose his friendship because he is an awesome human being to be around. I am starting to look for another job so i can create some distance. I kind of want to tell him that the reason why i am looking for another job is because i have very strong feelings for him and i want to create space between us, but at the same time i don’t want to lose him as a friend. I don’t know what to do. I know that by me telling him the truth about my feelings is not going to change anything because he really loves his partner and i don’t want to come between their relationship. I just want to come clean to him because i value our friendship. It just hurts so bad to love him this much in silence. It’s like pure torture. Should i tell him that i love him and that’s why i am leaving the job? Or should i just leave and never tell him the real reasons why i left ? I don’t know what to do 😔
Post # 11
FEDORAble : “However, sometimes good can come from this! A girl confessed her feelings to my ex and he ended up leaving me to see if the grass was greener. Good on her for taking him off my hands. Now she gets his unmotivated, weak, anger-management needing ass.”
OMG you’re awesome.
Post # 12
I personally would never, and have never. Even when I did like someone who was in a relationship.
Tacky AF in my opinion! And I don’t make moves on another woman’s man. Because that’s exactly what it is despite how someone might try rationalise it.
Post # 13
I can see how it can be a good thing in a way. Why would I want to be with someone if they aren’t 100% in love and commited to me. However, I agree and would never ever confess my feelings to someone in a realtionship. It’s not morally right in my opinion.
This is of reminds me of Jim and Pam, anyone else? lol
Post # 14
I completely agree with you. Whether or not she’s his best friend, she should wait until they’re both single. I am a FIRM believer in Karma.
Post # 15
littlesymmetry : yes! It’s infuriating that the media portrays Jim as the good guy, in my opinion.