Weddingbee boards

I agree with those who have said it before me in this thread, and I think maybe a Bee or two has blogged about it before -- there is no reason that your wedding has to be the "best day of your life." Because honestly, if that's as good as it's ever gonna be, then I've got a LONG road ahead of me.

I'm a lot like you, chicagowife.. I was planner and coordinator (I passed off a little DOC to a friend but she needed on-the-job coaching and prompting from me) so the only time I wasn't worrying about what needed to happen next or what was where was during the actual ceremony itself. My SIL screamed at me during the rehearsal dinner, which my grandparents-in-law skipped (they also skipped out on our college graduation ceremony the next day, completely without warning -- they are the type of people who are like "Well, I'm old and I don't give a crap what you think :)), and I was actively involved in the day-before and day-of setup, as well as the teardown afterward. We stuffed all of the presents and leftovers around me into the car at the end of the day, and so my husband and I had to ferry things into the house before he could carry me over the threshhold (on one of those trips I ripped my train and spent the rest of the evening with it wrapped around my neck). Once everything was in, I stood in the bathroom reading him the directions for the privacy film for the window so we could actually take a shower that night. Oh, and we fell asleep freezing because there was a huge hole in our bedroom closet ceiling into our uninsulated attic. :) EDIT: I just remembered that our landlord (a friend) actually popped over to our house between the ceremony and reception to make sure the furnace and electricity were actually functioning so we could stay there that night. Yeah, that was super stressful.

I remember the day fondly now, with some wry smiles at these annoyances, and if I could maybe I'd go back and tweak some things, but I have to say that being married 110% beats getting married. I love love love love being married, even though it is quite possibly the most frightening adventure I've ever been on, because I am on it with my best friend and favorite person in the world. OK, that sounds cheesy, but I'm sure ya'll know what I mean. :)

@IronMaiden: I love that sentiment!

I think that what people don't tell you is that what makes your wedding the best day of your life isn't the "big party" per se. It isn't that this one particular song HAS to be played at this one particular time, or that any of the ten-thousand other little details that are designed to make you crazy as cat s**t  go off perfectly. 

I planned my wedding myself also, and by the end of the night I was so exhausted my eyes were crossed. My best friend and MOH was angry almost the whole time because I was too attentive to the other BM's (some people act like real asses at weddings), I hated my dress, the owner of our venue was a nightmare to deal with (because she was old and set in her ways), people were bickering and we were long sick and tired of peeling off cash to pay for everything but too deep in to do anything about it. 

Everyone says our wedding was beautiful and I truly appreciate that, but it was NOT the best day of my life for that reason alone because like Mrs. Cheese said, all it really takes to get married is the two of you and an officiant/witness. The things that made it great to me are when I saw my 16 year old son in a tuxedo walking down the aisle, or remembering how I felt the first time I saw my husband all dressed up (from the limo when he didn't know I was there), or what it felt like when we were exchanging our vows. The standard to have the "perfect day" is so sickening that you literally have to kill yourself worrying over a million details or pay through the nose to even come close to that crazy ideal of perfection and you end up stressed out unable to even enjoy it.  Don't feel bad if you don't think that your wedding wasn't the best day of your life.  Like some others have said, it's not supposed to be.  It's just the jumping off point for more to come.

Oddly enough, my first wedding was THAT amazing. I did everything myself and it all came together like a Made for TV movie. And at the end of the day, it was a perfect...party. down to the last hand tied ribbon. That may be one of the reasons I'm having this wedding so low-key. I can't imagine topping that day. Don't get me wrong, I love the man I am about to marry. But once upon a time, I believed I loved someone else and at the time, beleived I could be no happier, and worked my asparagus off to impress every person who saw us say "I do." I was darn near genius, and spent the day partly just admiring what I had done.

This time, FI and I plan to have a wonderful Las Vegas vacation, and complete the mere technicality of signing on the dotted line, no hand tied ribbons required. It will be grand.

As of now, without the pro pics to look at and reflect on, I would say that my wedding day (about 2 weeks ago) was not the best day of my life. I think that I will gain some perspective after looking at all my beautiful pictures and thinking about the things I didn't even notice on that crazy day.

The day after the wedding was pretty amazing, though. Arriving at our beautiful honeymoon location and being together as husband and wife made me cry several times that day.

I honestly believe that anyone who says that their wedding day was the best day ever is not being realistic. The day I got my dog was amazing. The day my little brother was born was incredible. I am sure the day I have my first child will be remarkable. My wedding day was fantastic, but not the best ever.

Chicagowife, I'm right there with you. I think that if it weren't for my mom, I would have had a much better day. Don't get me wrong, my day was gorgeous! The weather was beautiful, everything went off without a hitch, but my mom stressed me out so much ALL DAY over the littlest things that I just couldn't enjoy myself.

It was so bad that my brothers and my SIL ran up and distracted my mom every time they saw her talking to me b/c she was stressing me out that much! I wasn't hugging people fast enough or moving through the tables fast enough. They couldn't serve dinner fast enough b/c there were 3 toasts. The food wasn't exactly as she thought it was going to be. My photographer offended her by saying the bridesmaids were going to help me dress...SHE wanted to dress me. I didn't bring my grandfather's handkerchiefs to the ceremony (b/c apparently that was supposed to be the bride's job...you know, with all the pockets we brides have in our dresses). My brother and SIL left without helping to clean up and that p*ssed her off. It was honestly non-stop until she got into the car to go home. It was by far THE most stressful day of my life, and I'm glad it's over.

The fact that I married my husband was definitely the best day of my life, but the honeymoon was by far MUCH better than the wedding! Thanks so much for this post! I'm so glad that someone else feels the way I do!

rosychicklet - I totally agree with you! Now that I'm thinking about it, the day I got engaged was probably one of my happiest days only b/c I wasn't thinking about what was ahead just yet. I was enjoying telling everyone and getting their reactions. That was by far the most fun! And of course, we loved our honeymoon

I am glad to read this thread. I'm still a few months out, but I am not planning on or expecting my wedding to be the best day of my life. Marrying my fiance will be the best moment of my life to date; I know it will be because we are like two puzzle pieces that were made to fit together. But we are doing a lot of DIY, including half of our menu and the entire desert bar. My family also is plagued with divorce and drama, so I'm expecting some conflict. I am definitely going to delegate before the wedding, and not be the one that is in charge of everything on my wedding day. Thankfully I'm very easy going and am not the type to freak out over something going wrong. But I'm not going to set myself up for the unrealistic expectation that everything will be perfect and that it will be the best day of my life.

I'm glad I'm not alone, and that it won't be the worst thing in the world if it's isn't the best day of my life.

I think this is why I can honestly say that I think that my 2nd wedding-my encore-in a little over a month will be happier and fun. When I got married the first time-it was all of these crazy things that you all are talking about-worries about every little detail, crazy relatives, a thousand little details that I only I could sort out-this time, it is a simple ceremony involving my twins and our parents (with 100 or so of our closest friends....), but the planning has been relatively painless-even fun. It has been almost effortless to put together-all because I'm not really stressing over anything. I know that there will BE 37 children under the age of 9 ar our reception. I know it will be busy, I know someone's baby will cry during the ceremony-we have a grocery store cake, one of the most inexpensive flowers we can get, and a church social hall brunch reception (not to offend anyone, but I swore I would never have a church social hall reception), our rehearsal dinner is in the conference room and on the patio at the Hampton Inn (out of town guests and family staying there with lots of little kids-made alot of sense to just have it there and people can just take their kids upstairs when they are tired.

Our life is different now-we're both a bit jaded by the first time around-by jaded, I mean being able to look at life with a little bit more perspective-our life is nuts, we know it is-a crazy combination of "sex on the sly" (my twins are almost 6-VERY nosey), soccer games, church activities, kindergarten homework, birthday parties, play dates...and our reception is simply a celebration of that life-with those we love most-all of whom played some role in moving on from a broken heart and starting life anew.

That being said...I'm 31 days out and my dress is STILL at the seamstresses!!!!!

I love what Mrs. Cheese said :) She always knows what to say at the perfect time... so happy she is a Bee!

Anyways... :( Weddings are a crazy emotional rollercoaster, aren't they? They take you up and down and all around- make you feel like you could vomit, feel a giant pit of anxiety and worry in your stomach, and then kick you off the ride and make you feel like you could just fall over. BLAH!

I did ALL of the planning and coordinating myself, too. I didn't sleep for months before my wedding- when I first started noticing my lack of sleep it was 6 months prior to the wedding already. I was going to bed at 3am and waking at 7am and doing nothing on the weekends as I would just lie tired in bed from all the hours I lost during the week. It was awful. I can't say that it wasn't worth it, though. My wedding was wonderful and was probably my happiest day so far, but the planning and the stressing? It took a major toll. I gained tons of weight, started canceling trips/outings/night outs with my friends... and eventually my now-husband. I was a little hermit. I refused help from everyone as I was too afraid that once someone sat down to help me they would look at what I was planning and think I was nuts and stupid to be "wasting" my time on projects that were both expensive and time-sucking.

We had an off-site reception and we couldn't setup any decorations until AFTER our rehearsal dinner because the caterer couldn't setup their tables/chairs until the Friday afternoon before our wedding. I wished the entire rehearsal dinner away, which should've been a celebratory, stress-free dinner because I was so worried about setup. Once we got to the reception site a few of my DH's family members were there helping and they setup things all wrong as to what I had pictured in my head - some of things I never went back to fix as I didn't want their time to be wasted and I didn't want to seem like a Bridezilla in asking them to go back and re-do some things.

The planning/coordinating is a HUGE undertaking, but not necessarily something I would change as I would've had to pay a lot of money for a professional to do it. To to an extent, though, it does permit you from enjoying parts of your wedding. The morning of I was a ball of stress and still making phone calls/returning phone calls to ensure everything went smoothly...

Luckily, everything (almost at least) did, but did I get to ENJOY as much as I could have? Probably not. Yes, it was still the best day... but when we plan and coordinate I think we steal a little piece of the wedding from us. THE STRESS FREE PART! Thanks for your post :) We are not alone :)