- 2 weeks ago
Dusted off my password and breaking a two years’ lurking spell to reply to this one because you seem like such a lovely person. You remind me of one of my besties. I’ve read all your posted replies to other bees and you seem to take care and time to think through other peoples’ problems. I hope you know you deserve no less. I’ve felt a lot of the feelings you’ve described, so I’m going to throw my whole kitchen sink of coping mechanisms at you in the hope any of them could help even a little. If I’m ridiculously off the mark, ignore me with no worries.
Even when you aren’t dating someone who belittes you it takes half the length of a relationship to mourn its ending. You dated a butthead for two years, taking this year to heal is normal… It takes time to regrow your roots after cutting out what you expected to be half your life. You wanted to marry and “waiting” makes you plan your future with a person. It’s hard. Don’t beat yourself up for taking your own time to feel better.
If you find therapy helpful, that’s great… but instead of talking to your therapist about random socially awkward moments you’ve had lately though, have you gone through and really dissected your breakup and why you stayed in the relationship to begin with? He should never ever have been picking away at you like he did. I feel like either a friend or your therapist should make a list with you of every red flag he ever waived so you’ll be able to recognize an asshat so you never accidentally date one again.
I’ve been lost before; I’ve been broken-hearted, crazy, and I’ve been a hollow shell of myself. If I may suggest a few things that worked for me… to get your body to feel like it fits again, find its limits. Go for a run until your lungs feel like they will burst. Get a punching bag and wail away at it until your arms feel like wet noodles. Lift weights until you can’t anymore, and do it all a few times a week. You might feel like a weak mess in the beginning but I’ve always found a nice side effect of pushing my body is that it strengthens my mind as well. When you start out it feels like punishment but a constructive kind that will literally build you up at the same time. It’s harder to feel as bad about yourself when you’re doubling your physical capabilities and feeling stronger. In my experience, endorphins are great for helping mental/emotional healing.
Are you nerdy or into memes at all? I feel like you’re suffering as Awkward Penguin when you need to start feeling like Courage Wolf until you can love yourself *for* being Awkward Penguin, until you can laugh at being awkward instead of cringing. Make a motivation folder to feel like a badass, hit up pinterest & reddit. Become your own Courage Wolf. After a while, you’ll love yourself again and find your heart open enough to trust and go out there to date and find true love. I have faith in you. You’re too nice to be alone; you’re shiny. Also, say it with me loud and proud, “fuck him”. Fuck him for ever making you doubt yourself. He had no right. Be angry until you know your strong self again. You probably weren’t immature or bossy. You were probably fun and knew what you wanted. If you’re socially awkward, so be it, just learn to laugh again. Life’s too short to have to be cool anyway.
I’m as socially awkward as they come but my SO loves me because of this, not in spite of it. The right man is absolutely out there for you. You’re not “used goods”, you’re the “marrying kind” and you will find that one person who’s worthy of your open heart and love, you’ve just got to pick yourself up and make yourself strong enough to try again someday.
When you’re going through hell, keep going.
Wishing you every bit of luck in the world <3