Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
My fiance and I recently moved out together into a house about a month ago. While we were house hunting, everything was amazing and he was the happiest I’ve seen him. however, now that we’ve been living together, I’m not even sure if I still have feelings for him. The only time I am truly happy is when I’m with our new puppy. I feel like I’m constantly doing things, including taking care of his daughter, doing housework and etc. Lots of times he will just semi complain about how I did things and it drives me nuts. I am 8 years younger than him and a lot of this is totally new to me and its really frustrating. He does spend time with me but not so much affectionately. I feel like I always have to go to him to hug and kiss. I’m just sort of at loss. I’m not looking to hear whether I should stay or break up. I guess I’m curious how your experiences were with living together and how we can get out of this rut.
Post # 3
Men love the rut! You gotta shake him outta it! As a woman married to a man eight years her senior as well, I get it. They’re set in their ways, they like things done a certain way and that’s fine, go do it your way or say thank you and shut up! Send the daughter to a friend’s for an overnight, jump Mr. 23 like it’s your job, take some time to reconnect and you’ll see, the guy you fell in love with is still in there, he’s just got two tires in the rut.
Post # 4
I think it is important to establish each of your contributions to the relationship. Unless he is fully supporting you and you are not going to school, you really shouldn’t be doing all the chores. You need to establish who will do what chores. For example, you do the dishes and he takes out the trash. If he complains about the way you clean, tell him to do it himself. Also, make sure you set aside alone time and couples time. It is important to have romantic time for just the to of you. Cook a nice dinner, get a bottle of wine and a movie. It sounds like you just need to bring the romance back into your relationship.
Post # 5
Figure out exactly why you’re unhappy. Verbalize in a non aggressive way. If it doesn’t change THEN you can become alarmed.
Even if your wants/needs seem unreasonable or unwarranted to others doesn’t change how you feel and what it takes to make you happy.
Also investigate the feelings of “his” daughter vs. “my stepdaughter.”
Post # 7
@TattooedChick23: It’s only been a month, and living together is a BIG adjustment. I agree with Babycat… if he’s working/supporting you, I don’t think it’s asking too much to do the majority of housework. Is that the case? If so, did you go from your parents house (where they took care of all of that for you) right into this situation? If so, perhaps this has to do with your adjusting to being a homeowner and taking care of business!
Regardless, he should NOT nitpick or micromanage what you do at home. And if you need him to pitch in, he needs to do it. Bottom line – COMMUNICATE!!! If you don’t ask for what you want, you get what you deserve. And that’s nothing!
This is most likely growing pains. If you are both open and honest with one another, and are willing to make some changes, you will have a long and prosperous relationship! Best of luck!
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
@Nona99: Im glad you understand, he is definitely stuck in his ways and can irriate me a bit at times. He has been coming around slowly, thank gosh. His daughter has had two sleepovers since, at our place, and we usually watch a movie together and make a fancy snack haha. Maybe its just me. Im used to going over and every time we had we would be together and very touchy.
another thing i didnt mention that may be a major cause is i have absolutely no desire to jump him. Dont get me wrong, I love cuddling and grabbing his ass and etc. But when it comes to sex, pft. Ive been considering going to the doctors and seeing if it has to do with my BC pills.
@Mrs.babycat: His chores are basically garbage, recycling, outaide work, home repairs, etc. I tend to do diahes, laundry and the general cleaning (cos im an a type like that). Just dishes are a daily thing and they drove me bonkers, finally last night i was shocked to see he did them. Hopefully he keeps up with helping as it definitely made me happier.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
@piacavoleKt: IRL i always call her my stepdaughter, not surew why different on here. I definitely enjoy being around her now!
@JemmaWRX: we both work full time jobs and yes from my parents place. I just feel like I constantly have things to do and never any downtime. When it comes to things around the house, I find it gets done faster if I just do it myself. I have been asking him to do small things such as taking the clothes out of the dryer or whatnot. Gah its a process. I always thought youd move it and it would constantly be hot frisky sex all over the house lolz….
Post # 10
When I first moved in with my Fiance we both got caught up in the business of living together– sounds like you’re there too! The puppy makes you happy because it’s not business!
So, I would nip the feedback on your contributions in the bud. If he wants it done a certain way, he can do it himself! I think I said to my Fi the first time: “well, love, I’d be happy to watch and learn” handed him teh vacuum and went to get my nails done. Later on, I told him that I didn’t appreciate it and we made a deal: if you’re that picky, you just nominated yourself to do that job (for life)! We were both laughing and it was funny, but it also was firm and mutual!
Other than that, do something fun together… tell him you feel caught in the business and need him to shake you out it. Let him fix it!
Post # 11
@TattooedChick23: I’m guessing it is because you feel so burdened down by menial chores that even someone you adore is becoming a bit of a chore. I hve a similar relationship with my darling grandma. Love her, but helping take care of her on top of everything is elfing exhausting.
Post # 12
1. I don’t think this is abnormal. I think this is a typical, to-be-expected part of adjusting to becoming someone’s full-time partner.
2. Sit down with him and tell him what you said in your original post — that you feel like you’re doing a million chores and on top of that like he’s unappreciative and has lots of complaints about how you do things. Tell him it’s really, really affecting your quality of life. I believe that how he responds will tell you what you need to know.
3. Chances are your lack of libido is hormonally related, and you’re right to suspect the BCP.