Post # 1
So… I’m sure this is going to come across as completely silly but I need some thoughs/ advice.
I have had only a few of really good girlfriends throughout my life. For some reason, we have all drifted apart and it’s making me really sad. I have asked my soon to be sister-in-law, my sister, my two cousins, and a couple of friends I have managed to stay somewhat in contact with through the years to be my bridesmaids. The thing is though… I wouldn’t really consider any of them super close to me. I mean, our wedding is in less than 4 months now and it hasn’t seemed like any of them are excited for us or even interested in pitching in some with all of the remaining details.
I have one other friend that I always knew would be in my wedding someday but we had an awful falling out about a year ago. We have stayed in contact but I haven’t seen her for a year now. In the meantime, she has gotten married (I wasn’t invited to her wedding) and she has a 5 month old now (which I have not made a huge attempt to meet). It’s just really painful that we no longer have a friendship. I did ask her if she would be interested in coming to the wedding and she said yes, so I plan on inviting her but now, I almost feel like it would be awful of me not to include her as a bridesmaid… even though we have barely kept up with each other for a year now.
I just know how it feels to have a best friend get married and to not be included in their special day.
I know it’s supposed to all be about the bride and groom but in my mind, it’s also a day to share with the important people in your life.
We have been friends (although not so much at this point in our lives) since we were 13 years old (now 26).
Sorry for the rambling but I don’t really have anyone else to share this with.
Post # 3
If you miss that friendship, could you ever lay those feeling out and make up?
Post # 4
Honestly people just grow apart and there is nothing wrong with that. My BFF and I were BFF from 2nd grade through senior year in HS. We grew apart and I knew it. We are not friends now and that is ok. Just because you have been close to someone in the past does not mean you are close to them now. 10 years ago my bridesmaids would be different than today. Don’t feel guilty about not choosing her because you two are no longer close. You picked the ones you feel the closest too.
Post # 5
You mentioned 4+ people that you asked to be bridesmaids (Whew! That’s a lot in my book!) and though you may not be super close with any of them, you are still achieving what you hoped: to share the day with important people in your life. Although you grew apart from your old friend and although the friendship has suffered, it is a very kind and thoughtful gesture to invite her to the wedding. Try to absolve yourself from feeling obligated to make her a bridesmaid. In fact, I would advise against it as currently the friendship, first and foremost, is not 100% repaired. Give yourself a break and give the friendship some more time to heal and stabilize. Use your remaining time before the wedding to pump up the other friendships with your bridesmaids — grab coffee or lunch, go out to the movies together, do some fun non-wedding related things and show interest in their lives. Be a friend to them and they will be to you.
Post # 6
I am in a similar situation. I had two best friends in High School. We stayed friends thereafter but as time passed, we sort of drifted apart, and now we hardly see each other. I also had a fall-out with both of them a few years back but have since made up. However, although we are on good terms, we not as close as we use to be. In fact, I don’t think either of them deserve to be my BM’s if I look at the way they treated the friendship. I understand that people grow apart, but besides being apart, there were just too many times that they had let me down whilst I was always the one going out on the limb for them. BUT, being the soft person I am, I considered them nonetheless.
I have now decided to go for a friend who, although not very close to me, is more of a good friend to me than the two of them. I met this girl shortly before I met my FI and I in fact met him on a night that I was out with her. My FI also gets along with her much better than the other two. I know that the two of them are probably going to feel awkward about it, but they will just have to accept it. It’s a very special day for me and I want special people to be part of the wedding party. I have chosen my future SIL as the second BM simply because I think she is a great person and is extremely close to my FI. I therefore want her to be part of it.
I honestly don’t think you have to feel guilty about not choosing this friend and she should understand too. It’s courteous enough that you are inviting her to the wedding. It is going to take time for your friendship with her to heal completely, if ever, and you don’t want it to be awkward at the wedding.
Post # 7
Wow, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all of your great advice. I don’t think anyone could have said it better. Each of you seems to have felt similarly about someone in your life. I think our friendship should be repaired first as well. I am not sure if it will ever be back on track, but just throwing her into the bridesmaids mix because I am feeling guilty and sad about the friendship we once had will not help either of us. I actually just met her 5 month old today. The visit went well. We will see.
Thank you all again. Your thoughtfulness to reply to my post is greatly appreciated… and to read my novel-long drama is exceptional!