Conflicted…Housewarming Party and Coworkers!

posted 3 years ago in Home
  • poll: How should I handle the topic of gifts?
    Do as your coworker requested, and make a list of gifts you would like. : (2 votes)
    11 %
    Continue to avoid the topic, and emphasize how happy you are to celebrate with your coworkers : (6 votes)
    33 %
    Get the STDs out now, so that coworkers have the option of seeing registry info on website : (8 votes)
    44 %
    Wait until later for the STDs, so that there is no pressure whatsoever : (0 votes)
    Other- please comment : (2 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 4
    6977 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’ve never been to a housewarming party that wasn’t thrown by the homeowner…not sure how that works exactly? Personally I think I would just wait to send the STDs.

    Post # 5
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I would just let her know where you’re registered for the wedding and ask her to just pass the info on, by word of mouth, to any guest that need a little guiadance in picking out a gift.

    Post # 7
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    Truthfully ??? (you aren’t probabaly gonna like what I have to say)

    BUT Gifts or the idea of Gifts SHOULD NEVER BE UTTERED… it is very impolite (presumptuous of someone to make mention of such things).

    The exception, is a Shower… Wedding or Baby … where the whole intention is to gather things together for a Bride or New Mom for the next phase of their life.

    Think of it this way…

    When visiting someone, it is always proper to bring what is known as a “Hostess Gift” (ie you go to Dinner at a Friend’s House you should bring something for the Host… be that Flowers, Bottle of Wine or some small follow up gift the day after)

    Now turn it around… You are hosting a Dinner Party for friends, would you call them up beforehand and TELL THEM what you want them to bring ???

    Uhh, no.

    Honestly, “your Friend” has overstepped appropriateness by issuing a Flyer with Gift Info on it.

    BUT as she is the Host, and you & your Hubby “the Honurees” there isn’t much you can do about her Etiquette Faux Pas

    On the otherhand, the Save The Dates are your responsibility.  And coming out just before or after the Housewarming conveys (at least to me) that you are very much being a Gift Focussed person (aka Gift Grabby)

    And that isn’t a good thing !!

    Honestly, at this point in time, I’d ditch the STDs (they aren’t a required element of Wedding Planning) and pick up your chin and carry on

    WHY risk offending anyone more than they may be now ??

    Soooo not worth it.

    (( HUGS ))


    Post # 10
    5533 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think, just in my opinion, if they are all sure they want to buy you gifts, the ability to see your wedding registry will help for nothing else than seeing gour style/tastes and preferences. Again, with no assumption or exspectation they will get anything from it, but I know as a guest for someone I dont know super well, having a list for guidance is helpful and not offensive at all. 

    Post # 11
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Thanks for the UPDATE.

    Ok the GOOD NEWS

    I think this can be totally salvaged, and you can save face as well.

    In so much as a Shower can be given for a Bride (or a Couple) by EITHER people invited to a Wedding… OR by those who have “no expectation of an Invite” (coworkers, sports team, folks you volunteer with etc)

    THEN if it is presented that this Housewarming is a sort of Shower for you guys… the whole thing can come off without a lot of issues

    So the powers that be (you and the Hostess) needs to start calling it / talkit it up that way…

    “So looking forward to the Housewarming Shower for @Dialysate: & her Fiancé” 

    You did the right thing by being evasive when it comes to Questions about Gifts using the old stand-by “Your Presence is Present enough”

    But once it is a Shower, your Hostess is totally free to tell the virtues of your Wedding Registry

    Still tho, I might ditch the STDs to this group… as I said, they aren’t a required element.

    OR if your Wedding is truly December 2014, send them out much later

    (STDs are NEW to the Wedding Stationery scene… they are NOT a prelude to an Invite, they really are just a FLYER / Announcement of an upcoming event.  Lots of Brides get into trouble using them because they don’t do the required homework… Guest List, Venue, Budget beforehand.  I cannot say I am a fan.  I much prefer the much more traditional and less risky Engagement Announcement over these things.  Low to NO Risk with those)

    When it comes to the STDs, really you should never have written the Registry Info on them in the first place.  That is something that should have been restricted to your Wedding Website at the most.

    — — —

    TIP… And I mean this with true caring for a smooth running Wedding.  In the future my best advice is to consult Etiquette BEFORE you make plans. In so much as Etiquette has the best solution (tried & true) for every situation.  Then you won’t find yourself stressing out over a situation that comes up.  Cause you won’t have “stepped on any toes” to begin with

    You can find great Etiquette Websites on-line, altho I am a big proponent who believes EVERY Bride should invest in an general Etiquette Book… it is a wonderful thing to own as a Newlywed.  Info for every situation, not just Wedding Planning.. but Entertaining, Career, Deaths, etc.  AND as an added BONUS those who actually read and follow Etiquette seem to get further ahead in life in the long run.  Knowing Good Manners and how to act pays off… in both social position and real money in my experience.  And what Bride wouldn’t want that for the future… seeing her Hubby & her NEW Family established and doing well in the community ???


    Post # 13
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Thanks for the Update Again

    I think you’ll be fine.

    With a Destination Wedding, you need to send things out in advance… but not crazy early.

    Too early, and it says “I am self important”…. as in “this is a command performance therefore I need your attention over a year in advance”

    Even the Queen doesn’t send out Notices / Inviations a year in advance.

    With a Destination Wedding, 9 to 12 months is the norm for STDs. 

    As this is a Destination Wedding around the Holiday Season, you’d be ok to send them out closer to the year mark.

    So say around New Years (maybe skip Xmas Cards this year, and send them out enclosed with New Years Cards… “Happy New Years and Best Wishes to You & Yours for 2014″ then a hand written note…”cannot believe this is the year Mr X and I get married, please find enclosed our STD, would love to have you there to celebrate with us”)

    Invites for go in the mail no more than 3 or 4 months ahead, if you sent our STDs

    BUT with a Destination Wedding, you need to calculate backwards… so based on WHATEVER it is your Venue needs in regards of timeline / deadlines (I wouldn’t go as far back as 6 months unless absolutely necessary)

    GOOD NEWS, your STDs sound fine.  Wedding Website is acceptable… I thought you meant you actually wrote “We are registered at XYZ” (sadly seen that before).  That is really not ok.

    Laughing *BIG Grin*

    You will get thru this all.  Weddings really are 99% Planning.  The more reading / research & Planning you do upfront, the less worries thru the process and down the road.  Invest the time upfront, and save the grief, time and money later.


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