Post # 1
I’ve got “baby fever” bad… I didn’t ever really do the fantasy dream about weddings when I was younger, yes I’m a very romantic person but having a wedding has never been something I was “dying to do” getting pregnant and having a family however, is something I’ve always dreamed of.
I always said I’d want to wait until I was married before I had kids, I’d always want to be in a stable job and to be relatively financially secure. Well in just a few months all the things I needed to be in place before I got pregnant will have been settled and this very thought invokes SUCH excitement in me and in the same breath it brings out an absolute fear in me too.
I love the life I lead at the moment, I love my freedom, my selfishness and frankly the lack of responsiblity. None of my close friends are even near having a family yet so I suppose I’m slightly worried about “Missing out” on being “young and care free” – I say young I’m 29 in March and my husband will be 32 in April.
I worry that being pregnant will leave me feeling alienated and that the life I know and love will be over.
Bizarrely the other emotion that comes to mind is that once I’ve been pregnant and my child bearing days are over, I’m scared that I’ll feel so sad that a part of my life I’ve been longing for is over.
Then at the same time the thought of being pregnant and beginning this journey in my life feels amazing too. Ugh it’s just a million different emotions all conflicting and making me confused.
Hubby and I go on our belated honeymoon this week and I’m so excited for that and I guess with so much chill out time this conversation will come up.
Not really looking for any advice but wanted to, very inarticulately, just get out what I am feeling about what will ultimately be the next stage in my life.
Post # 3
it doesn’t sound like you are asking for advice, so i’ll just share my experiences with you in the hope that it makes us both feel more normal 🙂
i’ve had baby fever for 3 years, i’ve always been clucky, but when my BFF announced her pregnancy, baby fever struck!! Hubby decided we needed to be married first, so I started nagging for a proposal, but not because i wanted the wedding, more for getting started on baby making. We got engaged Nov 2010, then married in Nov 2011, and we could finally start trying to get pregnant (we started a bit early, in October).
When we got to 5 months of trying with no result, I was devastated, and hubby couldn’t understand – but i’d been waiting and waiting to start, and now it felt like it was taking forever, whereas he’d only just started wanting it, and probably still wasn’t completely ready.
Anyway, a few months ago I started going to a Naturopath, who said not to expect any results for at least 3 months, which felt like FOREVER. Then, about a month ago, she said we were back up to “normal, healthy couple” chances…. and I suddenly got cold feet!! After all these months of trying and crying and despairing – it all became real and I got frightened of everything!!!
Luckily that only lasted a night, but it was a real shock to feel so unsure about it all, after it being the only thing i’ve thought about for the past 15 months.
I imagine it’s completely normal to wonder about the future and be scared of change 🙂 Good luck to you!!
Post # 4
I can definitely relate! Ive always wanted to have a family and be a mom. my husband and I had discussed trying to get pregnant sometime in 2013, and I expected it would be towards the end of the year because of my husband not being totally ready. Then we recently moved up our timeline and it kinda freaks me out! I’m incredibly excited but I think since he caught me slightly off guard, it’s throwing me off even more! I think I am mostly concerned about the entire TTC process. And how much our lives still change after that. I think (I hope!) it’s normal to feel this way. Enjoy your honeymoon and try to relax and have fun!
Post # 5
@Soon2BeeMrsG: Big hugs!! I think I am going through something similar. I realized it after sleeping in the other day. I woke up and was like, “i’ll never be able to do this again after I have kids.” And part of me wanted to stop right then, but like @hamikay: it was very short lived. I realized I am where I want to be when I have kids and I want to have kids at the age I am now, not in one year, not in 3 years, 5 years or 10 years. And since it’s taking us longer than expected, I am more and more thankful we started when we did.
Post # 6
I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. I went through the same thing. I wanted a family and I didn’t want to wait too long (I turned 29 this year) but I also loved not having a lot of responsibility. When I got pregnant, I was pretty freaked out at first and I had to give myself time to mourn the loss of my freedom. But I adjusted, and I don’t really mind being pregnant so far (I’m 21 weeks). As it starts to feel more real, I’m getting more and more excited about meeting my little girl and starting a new chapter of my life.
Post # 7
I feel the same way! I have been dreaming about being a mom for most of my life and have had baby fever for several years. We are finally at the place in our life, careers, etc. where we are TTC and while I am so excited, once in awhile I get nervous and worried that I am not ready. Sleeping in late, eating out, keeping the house CLEAN, etc…will likely not happen again for the next several decades. It is scary to give up the life I’ve known for so long but overall my excitement outweighs the fear. I know it will be worth it!
Post # 8
i think is totally normal the way you feel. I personally felt like that when DH told me that he was ready for babies and i wasn’t, so of course he waited until i was, which i am now and actively TTC, but it does make you think of all the things you do now and what you might end up giving up for a baby. When you are emotionally ready, then you will be ready for sure. At least thats when i thought of being ready. GL 🙂
Post # 9
If it helps you at all, we were trying to get pregnant and when I got a BFP the first month I did have an “oh shit, did we do the right thing?” moment. I think it’s totally natural. It’s a huge life change, but being a little nervous about it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice or that you’ll be a bad mom.
Post # 10
I don’t think you ever truly feel ready. I think everything you’re feeling is totally normal and healthy. And bravo to you for being mature and thoughtful enough to think through both sides of the issue now, than to run headlong into something and then be shocked later on when your life changes irreovacably (but in really wonderful ways).
I’m 26 weeks pregnant at the moment. I’m 30 and DH is 34. We both have good, stable jobs. We’re financially secure, own our own home and have travelled extensively. We were both so ready to TTC and so very excited to get our BFP.
Having said all that, there are still moments/days when I wonder if we made the right decision. I know with all my heart that we did, but I sometimes feel a little mournful for the things I know we will be giving up, even if only for the short-term, in order to accommodate this new little person in our lives. But then I talk to my parents and my friends with children and they confirm that yes, they would do it all again – the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums, the messy houses, the financial demands – a million times over, because their children have brought immeasureable joy to their lives.
I think that as much as I’ve thoroughly enjoyed our life without children, for us it was time to shake things up a bit. We can’t wait to share our life and our love with this little creature who’s currently living in my tummy. But that’s not the say there aren’t days when it doesn’t scare the living poop out of me!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence
I have had baby fever FOREVER and now that we’re getting closer to TTC I’m feeling a surprising amount of anxiety about it. I’ve wanted it so badly for so long that I’m almost afriad of it now — afraid it won’t turn out well, afraid I’ll be dissapointed, afraid of having to juggle grandparents (OMG, the grandparents) and afraid of what changes it’ll create in my marriage and career. I know the payoff is worth all the upheaval but I really thought I’d go into it all happy-go-lucky and now I’m kinda frozen in terror.
Post # 12
This!! We’ve been married for almost a year, and both agreed to start trying July 2013. Now that it’s 7 months away, I’m starting to get nervous! I was going to the yoga studio, and was thinking to myself it won’t be this easy to hop in the car and get a class in at the spur of the moment. I’ll have to worry about getting a babysitter! We will see where we are at in those 7 months, and if it still feels too soon, we’ll wait another 3 months. Hubs is ready, although he did say it’s sneaking up on us awfully soon! I’ve already lived abroad for 3 years, and travelled alot so there isn’t some huge trip I have to take before ttc. I just enjoy sleeping in, going to yoga or for a run whenever I feel like it! That’s literally my hang up, and it sounds selfish I know!