- 6 years ago
Regular poster undercover since I’m embarrassed and know some bees here in real life.
This might be long, but here I go. About two years ago, I snooped. I had a bad history with a few x’s and found out they were hiding things, from awful lies to cheating, when I did, so it became habit to to snoop when I could to reassure myself of my relationship. I know, I needed a lot of work. My husband (then boyfriend of about a year, we werent living together, but was on a short weekend trip) used my computer to check email. After I got home, I realized he was still logged in. And I went for it. It was then that I found out that he had told me a lie.
Back up a few months to summer of that year, he confessed to me that he had gone back to his home town and met up with his exgf. He told me that he didn’t even know he was going to see her and that his friends, who were still friends with her, called her out. They had all apparently had a ton to drink and he admitted that he touched her inappropriately. It was in public, so it was a quick grope. We’d been together about 8 months at that point when he told me. He said he was completely drunk and she, who also had a boyfriend at the time, provoked him. We had a long talk about this and a lot of other things that were bothering me at the time and I eventually moved on. He said he hated her, never wanted to see her, wanted nothing to do with her, that she was manipulative and played him.
Now back to his email account being logged in. I searched her name. A chat between them came up. It was the day after the touching that he had admited to me. But it was him trying to ask her out to coffee to see her again under undrunken circumstances. She said she was sitting her in apartment with no clothes on. He asked to video chat with her. Kept asking if she was free that day and if he was going to get to see her again. She turned him down so they didn’t. That is NOTHING like what he had told me. That is not never wanting to see her, it was a flirtatous tone. I’ve just ignored this since. Days after this happens between them and he hides it from me, he tells me he loves me for the first time. I know this is irrelavant, but how could he claim to love me, but just dsys earlier touch her and then hide it from me.
Fast forward now another year, I just found out that she messaged him on fb fairly recently. And he responded. It wasn’t flirtatious or inappropriate, but why would you even bother to respond to someone you claim to hate. He claimed to hate her so much, that anything even associated with her name, he wanted nothing to do with.
So now, is this chat and lie that I found over two year ago still worth confronting him about? Has it been so long that if I haven’t brought it up, I should just forget it?