- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Hi, Bees, I really need some advice on this.
I am marrying my long time girlfriend of 5 years (I’m female). My fiance’s parents have always been friendly with me, but made it clear to my fiance that they do not approve of our relationship. I was not raised with Christian beliefs. I was raised to believe that God does not judge; there is no hell or sin; there are only people who make bad decisions that hurt other people, and that we should all strive to lead good lives. My family is 100% supportive of me and my relationship. Having been raised like this and surrounding myself with people who share (generally) in my beliefs, I have a really hard time reconciling how my FI’s parents would put theology over family.
My FI waited for a year to tell her parents we were dating (I forced the issue since there is nothing wrong with our relationship and I refuse to act as such). She had waited because of the backlash she expected (and received) from her parents and one or two other family members. I thought (being the flower child that I am…) that it would just be a matter of time for them to see how good we were together and how great I was for their daughter.
Well, they have said they are not coming to the wedding along with my FI’s sister. My FI has never been close with her sister, so that isn’t a big loss, but her parents, especially her father, are a different story.
So far, my FI has mostly handled talking to them about the more serious topics like this. I have always attended family gatherings with her, and I am “welcome” by her parents (and introduced) as a “friend” – which we correct and they ignore. We have always made it clear that I am open to talking to any of them, but mostly we have small talk and they have never met my family, even though my family is completely open to meeting them.
After five years, I am really starting to doubt that they will ever accept us, and I don’t know how much more we can take (always being open, and always being rejected). My FI has gotten really upset about it many times over the years, and more so recently with our wedding planning.
We have been including them in things (asking if they have anyone they’d like to invite, telling them our date, etc.), but they just ignore it. We would like children in the next few years, and I don’t think our relationship with them is healthy at this point or would be healthy when we start a family.
I just want them to realize what path they are headed down (completely estranging us from them). I really feel like I should write a letter or call them to discuss all of this, but I don’t know if it will change anything for them, or if it would just be more therapeutic for me but cause family drama (which I don’t want to do).
I just want us to have a healthy relationship with my FW’s parents, but I don’t think it is possible. It seems like they can only reconcile their theology by pretending something that isn’t true.
Do I just have to accept this and try to be OK with their behavior? Or should I be more proactive and confront them?
I would really appreciate any Christian bees opinions. Thank you so much for taking the time to read.