Post # 1
He says he keeps waiting to plan anything because I get upset that nothing has happened, but I’m upset BECAUSE he hasn’t done anything and don’t know how to prevent occasional meltdowns (there has only been 1 so far, the other couple of times we’ve talked I’ve been very calm). I don’t know what to say to make him understand, any ideas?
Background: Been dating almost three years, talking marriage for almost a year.
Post # 3
Woah, duplicate! No worries.
Find Mr Bee’s three step plan. Then follow it. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged
You need to find some interests outside this relationship and just be yourself. He at least said he was waiting on planning. So he wants to plan – that’s a good thing! Give the guy some space, find some hobbies to take up your time. It’ll be ok and work out in the end.
He just needs some breathing space 🙂
Big hugs and good luck!!!
Post # 4
The problem is I’m not sure how much more breathing space I can give him or handle anything else in my life. School is restarting Wednesday so that’ll take up a lot of time and focus, I’m already focused on going to the gym several times a week, I hang out with my friends quite often, I participate in two honor societies, and work part time on top of working in a research lab. We see each other around once a week and I’ve spent months not mentioning it even on the phone so I dunno what else I can do….hmmm….
This is the first time he’s even communicated that he’s planning anything and he won’t tell me when he’s gonna start looking at rings (or if he already has) so that is a relief but it feels like there is always gonna be some excuse. I just want to start a life with him so its difficult to be patient 😀
Thanks for the encouragement, sometimes its just good to vent lol
Post # 5
Maybe you should find some neutral territory outside and just have a heart-to-heart about what you feel, want etc. Using “I” statements. 🙂 So it’s about you talking to him about your future, then ask him about his.
I say neutral outside territory so that it’s on the level, there’s no room for people to get upset or storm off, and no tv for distracting etc 🙂
Post # 6
@miss_optimistic: I’m sort of in the same boat as you. My boyfriend and I do live together, and spend quite a lot of time together. I don’t have many girlfriends my age, but whenever something comes up to do with close friends (or even co-workers) I always jump at the chance to go out to lunch, dinner, drinks, etc. with them. Aside from BF and I spending so much time together because of our living situation, I work full time, and a couple of months ago I decided to take the plunge and apply to a great grad school which I got into! I’m starting a whole new career, and doing it while working full time. Also on a whim, I joined a gym in our new neighborhood, and applied to do volunteer work at a local women’s shelter. All while BF sits home playing video games, waiting for me to get home 🙂 In all honesty, we do most things together… going out on the weekends, family functions, etc. And we love nothing better than being able to sleep in late, have breakfast, and lounge around together all day.
I was thinking along the lines of Mr. Bee’s steps to engagement and “the backup plan.” I’ve already been living that because that’s what I wanted – I knew when I moved in with BF that we might fall into the trap of not giving each other enough space, so I wanted to do things for ME to keep living my own, independent life along with our life together. Still, he has said he needs to save more money (doesn’t the boy know that I help him balance his checkbooks – I know how much is in there! ) or that he was “waiting for the right time.” I keep telling him that what’s important to me is: being together, sharing our excitement with our loved ones, and making a real commitment. He know that an expensive rock or a crazy proposal does not interest me if I means I have to wait a million years. But I’m not going to nag him about it at this point, other than leaving hints of what I want, because we already went through that the past couple of weeks. Guess I’m going to have to look into that whole “engagement chicken” thing…!
Sorry there’s no real advice here, I guess I needed to vent too!
Post # 7
@pisces36: Have you thought about trying the “hook him apple pie” too? I saw that on a link to the receipe and cracked up 😀
Post # 8
Hmmmm- if you feel this is going on too long, you may want to give him your time lines but you have to be prepared that his time lines may not match up with yours.
Post # 9
You say you have been talking about marriage for a year… did he give you a time frame?
Post # 10
No, he won’t give one. That’s something I’ve asked him about a couple times (trying not to nag about it) but he just says “be patient, I’m thinking about it” so no clear timeline. The past couple conversations about it all I’ve said is what timeline do YOU want to work with. Lately he’s been talking about stuff we’ll do once we’re married and seems really excited about it but when we had an actual talk he turned around and seemed unsure. I haven’t been waiting long so I don’t mind waiting a year or two for him to be ready but I do want to know a timeline. We aren’t going to live together until marriage so it will change everything about our relationship. (religious reasons)
the date I have is just something I put in for registration, we haven’t talked wedding dates