Post # 1
So, I have been engaged to an amazing man since April and will happily be tying the knot it June. I have a child from a previous relationship who lives with us all the time and she minimally see her biological father. When the relationship ended with my ex he drug me through a terrible legal/child support battle which lasted years and resulted in him spending almost no time with her (his choice) and he does not really support her much at all, in fact he is behind on the current support. I just found out that my ex just took his girlfriend on a cruise and proposed to her. I don’t know how to feel, part of me is really upset and part of me is happy for them. In no way do I have any feelings left over for my ex, but I am just so confused about how to feel about this. Help.
Post # 3
I can see how this can alter your life and the life of your child. That being said, if he’s behind on support, he shouldn’t be cruising around and purchasing rings, etc. That’s the part i’d be most upset about.
Post # 4
I can understand your feelings. We’ll always hold a candle for people we once loved, especially if you had a child together. I agree with PP that the money he spent would be nerve wracking, but I worry that if you elaborate on these feelings it will come across as jealous. At the same time, he has a obligation to his child. Perhaps this woman will remind him of this?
Post # 5
@Miss Orchard: <— I’m with her. I think even though you are in a happy relationship it is totally normal to feel “something” about that news.
Post # 6
I agree with the other posters. I have actually been there for two of my friends who have gone through the same thing (one with a child and one without). It’s normal, when the relationship you had with him didn’t work out and he was immature, and then he stayed that way. Now he’s supposedly happy and wanting to be responsible, where was that guy when you were together, and then later when your little girl needed her dad? Of course you don’t want to trade in your true happiness for your FH, but it IS confusing. Throw in a child who couldn’t rely on her father and you will have to explain to her one day that some things just aren’t able to be explained. For you, I think it will just take time, and a close friend or two whom you can tell these things and they won’t misconstrue it as jealousy. Once you straighten out your feelings, you can deal with the details of the situation at hand. When that time comes, I also hope this new woman may be able to help him realize that he should be keeping up with the financial support.
Good luck with everything.
Post # 7
Thanks for all the responses. I just wanted to make sure it was “ok” to feel weird about this. I haven’t met the girl (the ex says I’m not allowed) but hopefully this will be a postive thing for my daughter and help him to grow up a bit.
Post # 8
@FutureMrsGunning: I hear you. I’ve posted several times about how my relationship with my ex has evolved, from him being completely absent to getting into a healthy relationship, and how nice it’s been to get along with both of them. Well…. recently, after the birth of their child, it hasn’t been so easy to see him being there and doing what he didn’t do with my son and I. It’s not jealousy. More a quiet, sneaky resentment. Logically, I know he was sick with addiction and very selfish at the time and couldn’t be in our lives, and I chose to leave him. It’s good to see him beginning to get his life and health back. But, it doesn’t feel good to read his FB posts about how much his new family means to him, how much he adores his Girlfriend and child, how thankful he is… . It actually started when I took my son to visit their newborn baby. On the way home, it hit me that he saw us for a few, anxious minutes and left with a lame excuse when my son was born. I can’t analyze it. It’s just what it is. It sits at the bottom of my stomach, making me wish he had just stayed gone from my life. Like you, I’m hopeful that it will be a positive thing for my son’s life.
Post # 9
My ex is currently 10 months behind on support, is not really involved in our son’s life and just lost his drivers license because of the lack of payment.
I would be livid if he was on a cruise, and wedding planning.
Yes, I would like for him to be happy, but not on my child’s dime.
Post # 10
I understand how you’re feeling. It’s not that you want him back. It’s that he can go on a cruise and buy a ring for some girl, but can’t pay child support for his daughter.