Post # 1
I’ve read in books about how you would word invitations for weddings that are hosted/paid for by your parents, etc…..
However, I feel like my situation hasn’t been addressed in any of these books.
I am paying for A LOT of my wedding/reception. My parents are also contributing for reception stuff. The only thing my fiance’s parents are helping with is the rehearsal dinner. So would you then say MY parents are the one’s hosting the wedding, and not my groom’s? I’m a little confused.
Since both my parents and myself are paying for the wedding, then who exactly is hosting the wedding then? Would I address it the way you would if your parents are paying for the whole thing or not? I would really like to be able acknowledge that I paid for a lot of it too?
Post # 3
You could say that your parents are hosting and go with the traditional wording of “Mr and Mrs Smith would like you to join in the marriage celebration of their daughter, Jane Smith to John Doe, son of Mr. and Mrs. Doe…” or you could go the easy way and say “Together with their parents, Jane Smith and John Doe would like you to celebrate their wedding…”
Post # 4
on the invititations i saw, it said you shouldnt mention the parents of the groom if they dont pay for the wedding…..
but i do like the suggestion you made…. thanks.
Post # 5
@starry: Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for the wedding, and were listed as hosts. However, these days it is common for the couple to pay for the wedding, with whatever assistance their parents choose to provide. So the traditional rules are hard to apply. At the same time, I would say it is better to acknowledge too many people than too few. So you could either use the “together with their parents” language, or name both sets of parents.
Post # 6
I agree with the other ladies…I would probably go with “together with their families” in this case.
Post # 7
Why not please everyone and do something like:
Together with their families….”?
Post # 8
His parents aren’t paying for ANYTHING really. Just the rehearsal dinner, which I am sure will be kept cheap. I am paying for the wedding. My parents are also…. My groom himself isn’t paying much for it at all…..and hasn’t paid a dime so far. He says he will a small amount, but i find it hard to believe.
I just don’t think it’s right to say together with their famliies, since his family isn’t paying a dime…….just the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 9
I mean, do his parents have the money? I’d feel very awkward listing my parents and not his and I think they’d be hurt by it even though they’re contributing a lot less than mainly my mother. They can’t afford as much as she can, neither can my dad. But I agree just to put “Together with their parents…” in this case.
Post # 10
We did “Together with their parents Clare and Noah request the pleasure of your company at their marriage…”
Post # 11
We are paying for the wedding along with my parents….none of my FI’s family is even coming to the wedding, us along with his family live in Florida and we are getting married in Maryland where my family is. Hell if i’m gonna put their name on anything if they can’t even show up.
Post # 12
Whatever you’ve been reading, wedding invitations are NOT supposed to inform society about who’s paying — money talk isn’t considered really “nice” in polite society. They’re supposed to communicate Who is hosting, Whom is invited, to What, Where, and When: the “W5” of social communications — you’ll notice that “Why” is left up to the imagination of the reader — ;-D
“Hosting” isn’t just about paying. It’s about being the person responsible for taking care of all those guests: thinking about their needs; making sure that there’s enough seating and food and drink;making the decisions; often paying yes, but if not then negotiating and begging and budgetting; and being rewarded by the praise or condemnation of the guests when they look back on the event. The reception dinner is a separate event from the wedding reception: if the groom’s mother wants to do it up formally then she will issue her own formal invitations and doubtless she will have her own name right up front on that one. So the reception-dinner hosting doesn’t have any impact on how you word the wedding invitations.
But have some pity on your guests. You’ll be inviting your fiance’s dear old great-great-Auntie X, who cannot remember his proper name but does recognize his parents — and doesn’t know your parents from Adam. Give her some aides-memoirs to figuring out that this is “Tom’s son’s wedding!” Or some similar scenario. Putting “son of Mr and Mrs Groom’s Parents” is part of how you communicate What you are inviting her to.
And then, when your future Mother-in-Law writes out any formal rehearsal dinner invitations, she’s obliged to politely reciprocate by referring to you as “daughter of Mr and Mrs Bride’s Parents”, so there’s immediate pay-back for your courtesy.
And on top of that, remember that this isn’t just a game of formal etiquette. It’s also the start of your marriage. If it makes your inlaws-to-be happier, you’ll be starting off that important relationship on a better foot.
Post # 13
How about something like:
“Mr. and Mrs. James Starry invite you to the marriage of their daughter
to Starry Fiance
son of Mr. and Mrs. Cheapness
on Saturday, the eighteenth of December….”
That way, FI’s parents are mentioned, but it should still be clear that your parents are hosting?
Post # 14
Honestly, you can write whatever you want on your invitations. I would say step away from the book, recognizing that there is no “right” answer in this case, and consider what (and who) you want on your invitations.
You sound upset that your FI’s parents didn’t contribute to the wedding. Are you hoping to let them know that by leaving them off the invitation? If so, you are certainly not required to put their names on the invitation, although it does ring a bit of passive aggressive behavior (at least the way I put it, hah).
My Future In-Laws aren’t paying for anything besides our Rehearsal Dinner either, although Fiance thinks they may contribute some to our honeymoon later on (we’re doing a minimoon and delayed honeymoon). We put them on the invitation anyway though, as a sign of our respect and love for them.
Do what works for you guys!
Post # 15
When it comes to almost everything wedding-related, i just ask myself “what is the well mannered thing to do?” this comes directly from my Grandmother who, throughout my childhood (bless her, she’s now badgering the 4th generation 🙂 would ask in certain social situations “but is it good manners?” her insistence on recognising the importance of kindness, consideration, tact, diplomacy and gracious behaviour are values that have seen my wedding planning go remarkably smoothly.
Post # 16
I think you have two options, both of which are already mentioned: “Together with their families” and “Mr. and Mrs. Dad Starry request…” There’s really no way to word that you are hosting the wedding with your parents.
Um, personally, though I don’t really understand the whole “I want credit for paying for my wedding.” I mean, I get that you’re proud of your contribution, but I dunno. It’s kind of like inviting people to a dinner party and then toasting yourself. Your close friends probably know that you’ve paid for a lot–do you really care about your colleagues and acquaintences?