Confused about my relationship

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What do you mean you don’t have the same views on money? As in he is a spender and you’re a saver? Or?

In regard to the sex issue I would just flat out talk to him about it. When you were having sex was it always the same? If so maybe he got bored and you guys could spice it up a little and try new things.

Post # 4
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Keke2013:  Did he have any lifestyle changes or start any medication. I know antidepressants can have that effect on a lot of men.

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Keke2013:  Sex and money are two of the biggest marital issues you can imagine. Money is the primary reason for divorce in the USA.

What you need isn’t strangers on the internet–it’s a counselor. First by yourself, then with the BF.

Post # 8
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Keke2013:  I think if it’s a big issue now, it’s just going to get worse later. There will be resentment and it could turn the relationship toxic. You’ll have to make a decision on what is truely important to you. If you decide that lack of sex and financial disagreements are something you can live with, then more power to you. I on the other hand, know myself well enough to know that if I were in your situation, it would not work out. I need to be sexually satisfied and financial responcibility is a huge decision factor with who I date. I’ve been with people like this, and it doesn’t work for me. Great people, great chemistry, but just didn’t meet all the “requirements.”

You’ll have to know 100% that you can let those things go if you plan on staying. If you are on the fence, chances are that later on down the road, all your bottled up resentment will blow and it will be uglier than if you were to just end it when it started becoming an issue. Only you can know for sure though. Not a bunch of strangers on the internet. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Post # 9
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@Keke2013:  Maybe if you’re using a condom during sex it’s dulling his sensation? My FI never actually experienced sex to completion until we were dating, so maybe it’s a combination of lack of sensation and nervousness? Also, a lot of foreplay and visual aids might help, as in.. try watching porn during sex? Does he have any problems getting off by himself? If he doesn’t, then try adding some porn to the mix or maybe even dirty talk?

Post # 10
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I read somewhere once sex and money are the 2 biggest reasons for fights and breakups. I believe it, it doesn’t sound promising.

Post # 12
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@Keke2013:  Well if he can finish then there’s probably not a medical issue, just a sensation issue or a mental block. Maybe try warming lubricants to increase the sensitivity for him? This sounds like the problem is on his end, not yours.. I would hope that he wouldn’t resent you over it if you are trying everything you can. 

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I had a prior relationship with similar dynamics (he was a spender, I am more responsible and a saver / planner), to make matters worse, because I made substantially more than he did (about 3 times more) he was VERY defensive when it came to discussions about money.  Initially the first few times, sex between us was “normal” UNTIL he eventually was unable to climax via penetration. He could just fine on his own, but with me, nope, wasn’t going to happen… and i don’t mean this was once in awhile, it was ALL THE TIME. It didn’t matter if we went at it for 3/4 hours at a time (yes trust me I tried), the only thing that accomplished was irritation (both mental and physical).  He could stay erect the whole time (that wasn’t the issue) he just couldn’t finish.

With my ex, the problem was before me he was single for some time ( a few years) and he mastubated constantly (daily several times a day).  His body unfortunately became used to the tight grip of his hand and the natural feel of a woman just couldn’t bring him to completion (sorry if that’s tmi). Anyway, I ended the relationship after about 10 months, I am not saying that’s what you should do, my relationship just did not work for me personally.  I wish I had a solution, but our attempts were unsuccessful.

Post # 14
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Keke2013:  Well what does he say about the lack of sex? Have you two had an open conversation about the sexual problems? I think this is a big deal and I personally would reconsider a relationship where we didn’t have traditional sex. I would be left totally unsatisfied. Can you pinpoint the time when things started to change and the sex life dwindled?

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