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I'm so sorry this is happening in your family. I'm sorry I really don't have good advice just **hugs**
Wow. Hugs to you.
I don't know what to say other than talk to your Dad. Explain you are very dissapointed and hurt and you aren't so sure you want him walking you down the asile anymore because he violated the vows you are about to take.
He obviously needs to repair his relationship with your mother, but he also needs to repair his relationship with you.
((HUGS))
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I had something more to offer in terms of advice, but the hive is always here!
Big Hug.
I know how you feel as this happened to me a year and a half ago. I don't really have insight into how to move on as I am still not past it myself, but I will say that talking to your Dad is a good idea. The biggest reason I am unable to forgive mine is that he still refuses to broach the subject.
With time, it will get better, and you will see as I did that parents are just like us. Just as fallible and prone to making mistakes. It was a hard pill to swallow after a lifetime of worsipping them as ideal, but in the end I was able to come to terms with their imperfections and love them in spite of them. The difficulty in your case of course is that time isn't on your side as your wedding is in 6 months. Maybe talking to a counsellor will help you see beyond the immediate and decide whether you still want him to walk you down the aisle or not.
I like to think that the disintegration of my parents marriage was helpful in demostrating to SO and I how important it is to continue to communicate and never take each other for granted.
I'm so sorry (((HUGS))) I can't imagine what you're going through except to say that I would be extremely upset if this happened in my family, especially if my father had no intention of breaking it off.
I think a good question to ask your father is what is he going to do next? If he decides to weather the storm and work to save his marriage, that could be a good indication of the commitment he made when he took his vows and maybe he does deserve to walk you down the aisle and stand up with you at your marriage. If he decides that his marriage is beyond repair, it doesn't have to be a reflection on yours and I honestly don't think anyone would think ill of you if your father didn't walk you down.
Keep in mind that you don't have to make any decisions now.
That basically happened to me, except the mistress didn't spill the beans - my dad did via surpirse divorce papers to my mom. PS - the mistress is still in the picture, 5 years later. I want to tell you it gets easier to deal with, but it doesn't :-( I'm still angry, I still think what he did was terrible, and while it might help if he and I had a better relationship, we don't so maybe that's a factor in why I'm still angry.
I didn't want to cause any drama at my wedding because really, the wedding is about ME, not them, so I had my mom and dad both walk me down the aisle. I still did a father/daughter dance (during which my father told me there was "still time to get out of this" - wtf?). I don't regret doing these things, but I know that in 20 years, maybe I would have regretted it if I didn't.
Truthfully, your parents marriage has nothing to do with your marriage (it took me a long time to come to terms with that). What your dad did to your mom has no bearing on if he should walk you down the aisle. All he's doing is walking you down the aisle... that's it. What you choose to do at the end of the aisle (marry the love of your life) is all about YOU and not at all about your dad.
PM me if you want to talk about it - I got to meet my dad's mistress on Christmas Day, so trust me when I say I know exatly what you're going through.
Oh man, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That's not an easy thing to bounce back from anytime soon. I haven't had this experience but I have a friend who has. The situation is a bit different because his father not only cheated but had another child outside of his marriage. And honestly, he still resents his father though he accepts his brother. Anyway, I think your Father owes you a serious talk. Not necessarily an explanation, but you need to talk to him as father and daughter AND as adults. Maybe that can give you some insight you don't have now. I wouldn't make any decisions until you speak privately with both of your parents. You may find that, at the end of the day, he's still the father you love and you may still want him to be the one to walk you down the aisle. I wish you the best!
Hugs!! I agree with texasmeredith, work needs to be done to mend your relationship as well. I am so sorry, I don't have any more words of advice, but am sending positive thoughts your way!
Thank you so much ladies - it's nice (and sad at the same time) to know I'm not the only one who has been through something like this. My parents are going to see a counselor, and want to rebuild things. The mistress is no longer in the picture (which is why she went to my mom - woman scorned, huh?). My dad and I talked yesterday, and he knows I'm disappointed in him, but I didn't know how to say that it's caused me to question him walking me down the aisle. I know that would completely devastate him.
I guess I just need to adopt a wait and see attitude. I can't fault them for trying to work things out. And if they both give 110% to trying to fix things and it still doesn't work out, then that's that. But if he only gives a half-hearted effort to fix what he broke, then maybe that will be my answer to if he deserves to "give me away".
I think you should wait and see. He has a lot of relationship repairing to do. You have 6 months to see how much he can accomplish. Good luck!
My dad did the same thing and at the time I swore I'd never let him walk me down the aisle.
But time, which I know you don't have, is a great healer and I've changed my mind.
It's great you are able to talk to your dad about it and if he's really commited to giving it another shot with your mum then walking you down the aisle might be quite symbolic and meaningful for you all.
Good luck, I know it's not easy x
So sorry to hear this! I hope in the next few months you can strengthen your relationship with your dad by somehow forgiving him. I'm sure you are so angry and hurt right now. I hope it gets better soon-hope he will walk you down the aisle!! :)
I also had this happen, and unfortunately the mistress is now my stepmother. I'm so sorry you're going through it, and I totally feel for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have it happen this close to your wedding. Every time I have ever talked to my dad about it, it's been extremely awkward. Time is the only thing that has allowed me to heal, and unfortunately you don't have that luxury. I would suggest maybe seeing a counselor, which could also help you sort out your feelings regarding your parent's marriage and your marriage. Best of luck!!
Sorry to hear this, it's not easy to know that your Dad has done something like this. I know it wasn't easy for me. My Dad ended up marrying the woman. So that has made things really hard for all of us. Of course they don't see it because they are still in that Honeymoon love phase. My Dad first told us back when I was engaged my first go around. I was 4 months to my wedding day. So it was hard to handle. So I do understand the pain and confusion you have right now. My engagment ended because at that same time, I was diagnosed with pre-cancer cells and began treatments. My FI lived 4 hours away and was not supportive at all about either topic. Just be open with your FI about how you feel, I hope he gives you the shoulder to lean on.
I wish you and your family the best of luck.
i know exactly what your going through.- this happened with my parents as well- only they got divorced/ they just couldnt work it out, which ultimatly in the long run, it was better off that way for them. Not sdaying your parents cant work it out, many couples can. my parents were in my opinion not very suited for one another- or they grew apart or somethng. they are both now in happy commited relationships. I was also so angry with my dad when this happened, not only did i feel bad, but i felt betrayed as well. its such a awkward and tough situation to be put in the middle of. - talking about with him helped but it was reallly hard and awkaward to talk about to.- but luckily we were able to move past it and over time are relationship is stronger then it was before. it takes time/talking to do though. i looked at as were all human- and make mistakes. but i do not encourage or even accept that cheating is ok any circumstance-bc its not to me, but i did come to realize that cheating is so much more then just a "good time" or one night stand type of thing. at least on my parents side, they were always fighting and honestly i think they just grw distant and apart and the cheating stemmed from there.- not thats a valid excuse. i recommend talking/being open with your father about how you feel and in a couple months reevaluate the situation and see if you are comfortable with him walking you down the aisle.
That totally sucks! :(
As for your wedding, it's YOUR day. Do what you feel comfortable and happy with. If that's walking down the aisle with your dad, then so be it. If not, you'll find someone else. I've known friend's whose brother or mom walked them down the aisle. When the day comes, you'll know who you want to be with for the walk. Trust your heart on that one.
Sorry this happened, my heart goes out to you and your mom. Every relationship is different,my Fi's dad cheated on his mom in a 20 year marriage, he was selfish and thought for only himself, now his mom is going through a great deal of depression and bi-polar, he has always told me from the beginning that he resents what his dad did to his mom and rebels against it. He would never want to hurt me like his dad did to his mom. This made me feel so much better. He said his parents had the perfect all-american family, went on vacations all the time and were just so much in love. It broke his heart at the age of 15 and he is still affected by it now. We always want to look up to our parents and take a little piece of them with us as we build our future, but we dont have to cling on to their negatives.
Human beings makes mistakes all the time, I hope your parents can sort it out peacefully. Maybe your mom can walk you down the aisle, that would be a great idea!
Good luck and hugs!!!!
I'm sorry, hun. I'm going through this too, only it was my mom who was dating somebody else. In combination with a lot of other problems within the last year my dad decided that it was best for his sanity, happiness, and financial well-being (so that he can continue to support my younger sister and his elderly father) that they needed a divorce. Currently, he is talking with a lawyer and deciding how to proceed. If both partners truly wish to make things work, then they will work, but if you half-ass it, as my mom did, then it simply won't work at all. Maybe let your dad know that the trust has been broken and you're truly confused as to how you wish to proceed when it comes to his involvement in the wedding. I wouldn't make a decision now, as things might work out and you don't want to alienate anyone at this point.
I know that you're probably very upset with your father and feel like you won't ever trust him again, but know that he still loves you and that he was trying to end it and therefore knew he made a mistake and that he loves your mother, too. I sincerely hope everything works out for you and your family.
Thanks so much - and for being so open with your own struggles. I'm going to be calling my own counselor for an appointment on Monday. And I had a nice talk with my mom today - it seems like they're both committed to working through this, but she's also taking steps to protect herself financially . . . just in case.
And FI is being super helpful - yesterday was just a tough day all around. Not only was this happening, but then I found out I didn't get a third interview for a job I really wanted (when it rains, it pours, right!). He bought me three little presents from Target to help cheer me up. Then we went bowling. And it was exactly what I needed last night.
This is so tough, and I'm sorry it's something your family has to deal with, especially when it is supposed to be a joyous time with your wedding being so close. Even though it hurts a lot I'm sure, I think you might regret not having him in your big day... I mean, he is still the same daddy you had as a little girl, and the same man who helped shape who you are today. My dad passed away 5 years ago, and though not perfect, I would do anything to have him by my side on my big day.
Well, good luck either way with this tough situation. Hugs.
My heart goes out to you.
You need to have a heart to heart with your dad. I think it would be resonable to ask him to attend a councelling session with you if you feel he should be apart of the ceremony. I am glad to see that you talked to your mom as well, I think that is very important to keep communication open at this point.
So glad to hear that your FI is being so supportive.
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I'm writing as an anonymous bee today and I really need your help.
I recently learned that my dad had an affair. Long story short, my mom did not find out in the best way about this (why do mistresses think it's a good idea to tell the family?).
Up until now, I had always looked at my parents' marriage as a great example for myself and FI. Obviously, that's no longer the case.
The wedding is only six months away. How do I move on from this? I'm so hurt and angry at my dad. Why didn't they try to work things out before it all went to hell? (they're going to try counselling, but really, that would have been a great step years ago, from what I understand).
And now that he's broken his marriage vows, how do I reconcile that with having him walk me down the aisle on my big day?
If any of you have been in the same boat, can you share how you overcame your hurt and disappointment to forgive?