- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I’ve been browsing the Bee for a while now (mainly because my engagement is coming soon and I’ve been hovering round the ring boards lol) but anyway, this is a completely unrelated issue.
Let me start by saying that my time at university is coming to an end. I’m graduating in July, and currently I live in a shared house with three other girls. Let’s call them Jane, Nina and Anne for the sake of this thread.
For the past three years here we’ve all had our bad experiences as a friendship group, with a lot of it stemming from Nina. The main problem with her is that for the longest time she has fabricated stories about friends she has that don’t actually exist ( an ex boyfriend whose father is a plastic surgeon who lives in LA, despite the fact she has zero pictures of him and none of her friends have met him, she also made up a friend who died of cancer..sick I know), as well as being somewhat spoilt and selfish, and pretty brattish in her behaviour. Causing friction between myself and Jane (something that the two of us discovered in our first year that actually made us better friends), and just generally being an attention seeker. There are times when she has been fun to hang out with, but for the most part it’s been very hard work. She has had several arguments with other people we know that stem from the same issues.
Anyway, the past two years since myself and Jane realised how manipulative she was, there was sort of an unspoken thing between us that we both knew Nina was a bullshitter and I felt we got on better as a result of that mutual understanding. It was a comfort to me that I lived with somebody (Anne included) who understood my frustration and made me feel like my reactions to Nina’s underhanded ways were totally normal.
As much as I am willing to keep the peace until university is over, I can’t understand Jane’s attitude towards Nina. Despite talking about her behind her back, complaining about her behaviour to me (since Nina has been really quite unpleasant to Jane in particular on several occasions), and generally seeming to wise up to what this person is actually like, Jane has continued to seek her approval. Something which has totally thrown me and caused me to question my friendship with Jane.
The thing that has really irritated me about this whole thing is that when I went back home for the weekend, Nina changed her Facebook status ‘So excited about going to Spain with Jane’.
I returned to the shared house this morning, and there’s been no mention of the holiday, except Nina saying she needs a new suitcase,which has led me to believe that not only am I not invited but they’re trying not to mention it in front of me in case I’m offended or may, astonishingly, have expected an invite. Seeing as the three of us have lived together since uni began (Anne only moved in with us in the second year..although I would have hoped they’d have had the decency to ask her also).
I just feel totally shut out, and like all the times that Jane and I have confided in each other about feeling awkward in this situation, have meant absolutely nothing. It’s upsetting to me that one of my close friends is arranging an end of university holiday with somebody that we both agreed for so long was someone neither of us were entirely comfortable around. Am I right to feel a little let down? Does it seem a little hypocritical and strange to anyone else?
I think the part that bothers me the most is, if someone behaves in this fickle way, how can you ever know whether you were actually friends to begin with? If someone says one thing and does another, how can you actually trust that they’re being genuine?
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but given the history we all share since meeting at uni, I feel as if Jane’s actions are not only massively hypocritical, but also inconsiderate- I know if the shoe was on the other foot, it’d be a different story.