Post # 1
To start off I have been with my FI for almost 6 years and we’ve been engaged for 9 months. He joined the Navy prior to us getting engaged and we’re in a LDR going for a little over a year with a couple short visits. I love him very much and can’t wait to marry him.
The story is that about 3-4 weeks ago I started to notice that he wasn’t communicating with me as much as he used to before. He barely called me babe (which he normally does), he only said he missed me and loved me after i said it and he could go hours sometimes a day without talking to me and be okay with it. I understand he’s in the Navy and busy but with a LDR communication is key. When i tried talking to him about it I guess I didnt approach it the right way and kind of got upset and angry which I think pushed him farther away. Eventually he texted me and said he was nervous and didnt think he wanted to be with me anymore. I was devasted and I tried to talk to him but he wouldnt answer texts or calls from me. After two days of no communication he finally called and said he was confused and needed time to think. I told him I would give him time and he can call/text when he knew what he wanted. He texted me immediately and said he loved me and wanted to be with me but just needed time. The next day he was all lovey and sure he wanted to get married and wanted no one else but me. The following week was kind of back to how it was before not much conversation. I kept going crazy and upset because I didnt know what was happening or what he was thinking.
Eventually I had another conversation with him where I told him I wanted to be with him but I didnt want him to feel pressured to get married. If he wasn’t ready then we can call things off I just didnt want him to regret marrying me or being with me or anything for that matter. He said he wanted to go through it all with me and didnt want to cancel anything. Since then he’s been back to normal and we’re back to how we were prior to his nervousness but the problem now is that I think he hurt me during that time that now im nervous he will say again he isnt sure or doesnt want to go through it and it scares me.
I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life but im just scared and dont know what to do. He apologized for hurting me and putting me through that siituation and he reassures me he wants to be with me but I just cant get over my nerves. I just dont know what to do! Any suggestions would be appreciated!!
Post # 3
Like you said communication is key. Let him know his sudden change of heart has you worried. Do you want to ask him what happened over there that suddenly made him change is mind? Was it the LDR? Was it people chiming in with their thoughts or experiences? etc. That was a very quick turn of events that he needed time but by the next day went back to normal just so it could go back to the avoidant behavior.
Post # 4
Oh love and the military. From past experiences I have to say guys talk to each other and sometimes convince each other that they shouldnt be in a relationship. The military puts a lot of stress on a person and can often destroy relationships. If you can make this work through everything then youll be good for a long time. There are incredible support groups out there and great techniques on helping your relationship through military life (especially when there just starting off in the forces). Look into things like shared journals and webcam visits and different types of care packages to help comunication with his busy schedual. Its been awhile since Ive been in a military relationship but if you need some ideas just give out a shout.
Post # 5
Thank you both. I will talk to him again and see what happens
Post # 6
I am married to a Navy guy! While we are no longer doing the LD thing… (except for when he is away for training – generally 2 weeks every month), I totally understand this. When then BF moved to VA, I stayed in RI. The LDR was hard and it makes it so much more difficult to truly understand how one feels about the other. I think not being there when he came home every night and him going to work with a bunch of single guys made it hard for him to imagine a life with me. Before I moved to VA with him, it took a lot of conversation to get him to admit that it wasn’t that he didn’t love me…it was that he was afraid of the next step and how it would change everything he was used to. Eventually, I moved there and his fears went away. I think it is just so hard in a LDR for military men (or anyone for that matter) to see how their separate worlds will combine seamlessly.
Definitely have some more discussions with him. Find out what his fears are – are they about the changes that this means for his future and how he is going to combine his personal life with his miliarty life? Or is something about a future with you that scares him? These are two completely different fears – the first is something that was dissipate with time, but the second is something that needs to be addressed immediately.