Confused Feelings About Engagement

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you are old enough to marry, you are old enough to make your own decisions and live by them.

Clearly you guys have grown up together, and I commend you for being able to make very mature decisions

Like… NOT getting married so young when there was so pressure to do.

For the record there is NOTHING WRONG with long engagements… especially as you guys were so fortunate to have found each other when you were so young

As for the ring…

Nothing wrong with a smaller diamond… I was married the first time for 20+ years having gotten Engaged immediately out of Uni, we were both fresh faced 20 year olds, and we had NO MONEY.  The price of gold was thru the roof, and Interest Rates were like over 20% (around 35% for Credit) and so all we could afford was a Gold Bridal Set with a small chip of a diamond

I LOVED MY RINGS

I wore them proudly for over 20 years.  Rarely taking them off, and never wanting to “upgrade or exchange” them… although I would have been open to adding another band for a special occasion (such as my 25th Anniversary etc)

So don’t be ashamed of anything that has happened todate in your Relationship

Your Rings, Your Proposal, Your Engagement are all significant parts of YOUR LOVE STORY together

My best advice…

Wear your Ring with pride… continue to be Engaged (telling people or not is up to you)

Get another Ring… or not.

(Yes you could call your first ring your Promise Ring, if you want… afterall it is sort of the truth, you both promised way back then to marry each other in the future)

Get married when you are truly ready… and ONLY you and him know that

(And it is sincerely NO ONE ELSE’s BUSINESS)

It is YOUR LIFE… live it as you choose.

Again, CONGRATULATIONS on being so mature about this all

I truly have to say I admire and respect you because you KNOW what it is you want… while you are living in the midst of a cyclone of cynics… and that is AMAZING !!

 

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel like you’re not “calling off the wedding,” but recognizing you only get to do it once so you’re waiting until the time is right to do it. I think it is a very mature way to go considering how the engagement was not as organic. It sounds as though you have both worked out some issues, such as being in a bad spot, and are still dedicated to one another. In my opinion, as far as commitment goes it has not been spoiled by wanting to wait. 

I would like to encourage you to think about what is worth the wait to you? Do you care to wait a few years before actually being his dear wife? What will the years matter if engaged or married? Does it change anything? Is the wedding the reason you want to wait or are you wanting to spend more time growing together as individuals? Is a 5 year engagement worth the wait or would the wedding now and then a 5 year anniversary party be better? Perhaps by thinking about this a little more you’ll have your answer. 

Post # 6
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Since y’all are still together, the engagement hasn’t been called off.  When the two of you are ready to set a date or start the planning to get married, you can have whatever you want to mark the occasion.  You can have a reproposal, proposal, date-setting, affirmation, celebration, new ring, same ring, additional ring, really whatever the two of you want that would be meaningful to y’all.

Don’t worry what others may think because you cannot control that.  Just focus on what is best for you and your relationship.  You don’t need to explain anything to them, but if you feel that you must, then focus on the positive aspect of moving onto planning a wedding, rather than what came before.  And as far as they’re concerned, does a man really need a specific reason to give his fiance jewelry? 

You are not being selfish by wanting to wait or by wanting to mark the occassion when this period of your relationship transistions into the “pre wedding” phase.  It takes wisdom and maturity to recognize when you jumped into something.  It takes wisdom and maturity to continue to grow together in a relationship when there is that early rushing.  It takes wisdom and maturity to be able to stand firm against family pressures and to deny the immediate reward of family satisfation and keeping up friends to do what is best for your own relationship.  I applaud you for you and your FI’s wisdom and maturity– it is something I wish I had more of in my early 20s.

Post # 7
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It sounds like you a.) are unhappy with the ring and b.) don’t want to go through the hassles and headaches of planning a wedding right now.

The ring can be upgraded, and the wedding can wait until you and your fiance are more established financially and whatnot.

Post # 8
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

My bf proposed to me a few months back with no ring. We weren’t too young he’s in his thirties and me my late twenties. It was beautiful and heartfelt and te perfect proposal. we picked a beautiful ring and it will take another few months to pay off. He did ask me very early On in the relationship just six months of dating. We are positive we want the rest of our lives together and wearing my beautiful ring will symbolise that. But there is no timescale. we are still happy living separately for another year or two. We both have children and I’m back to university. I love that we are engaged but I won’t be pressured into feeling like I need to get married anytime soon. An engagement to me means that we will marry someday. It’s our decision when. PS in relation to ring, I think it’s nice that you will have an actual proposal and a ring you love to look forward to down the line when you are both more comfortable with The idea if marriage 

Post # 9
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

An engagement ring is not the end all, be all sign of commitment.  Ignore them.

Post # 10
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wear your ring with pride and do what makes you happy 🙂

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