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No, but without you getting too personal it's hard to tell. Like maybe it was an argument over dinner choice, which I can see why he would be mad to talk about it today! (I know, it obviously wasn't, but just throwing out an example).
Have you tried talking to him about how that made you feel? My FI and I had a long talk last night about a lot of the sacrifices I'm making to move with him--while I don't mind making them, when he starts piling more on and taking for granted what I do for him, it starts not being OK! So you have to talk to him about seeing things from your way sometimes, and thinking about how certain things make you feel, since you are so patient as to try to see how things make him feel.
Good luck--it takes time and patience for everyone to be able to lay out how they're feeling without, well, feelings getting hurt.
NO. I think it's smart to cool off a bit, and talk it out when you feel like you can do so, without blowing up and saying something you might regret. When you didn't want to talk yesterday, did you give him the impression that nothing was wrong at the time? Did you say, yes XYZ is the reason, but I don't want to talk about it right now? I'll revisit it with you when I've thought about it or clamed down.
I'm not sure what his baggage is. But maybe if he's insecure, he has a hard time dealing with you being mad. Maybe he gets concerned that when you're upset you might leave. (Just a stab.) So maybe he's upset because he was "stewing" about it all of yesterday. So don't know if that's the case. But if it is, the only thing I could think is to just reassure him that you relationship is fine, but that you need to work out the issue, and will do so when you've calmed down. IDK. Good luck.
First of all, Im sorry that your hurt, Im sending hugs your way.
I dont know the situation and this is a little hard to follow but it sounds like yall need to sit down and have as serious conversation about "timetables". In my opinion it shouldn't be "my timetable" and "his timetable" it should be "our timetable" I never had this conversation with my boyfriend so I cant really offer any help with that. Im seems like what is most important is getting on the same page.
Good luck!
I'm sorry, I can totally relate to you. R has a lot of baggage from way back when, and I am more than happy to be there for him. But just like he still has his bad days with it, I have mine. Sometimes he can see that I'm upset, but I just don't want to bring it up, because I don't want to get him thinking about it, since it is a horrible subject for him to dwell on and no matter how many times I tell him that it's not his fault, a part of him still blames himself for the pain that it causes us both.
I don't know if that helps you at all, it is hard being vague and forthcoming at the same time, but obviously this is something that I'm not going to spill in Internet land. Just know that I understand how complicated these situations can be, and I don't think there is always a right answer.
Long story short, he had a very bad marriage and has a lot of drama that comes along with that. In the past 6 weeks we have been through A LOT, on top of life's everyday stress. I have managed to handle it all well until the other day...
In this instance, his youngest daughter's mother called at 3:30 a.m. on Friday waking us up and potentially my kids. She wanted to tell the Boy his daughter was sick because he was going to pick her up to stay the weekend at our house AFTER he got off work (so evening time). The Boy was upset with her on the phone, but didn't really put his foot down. This is not the first time that she has done something like that either.
On top of that, rather than bringing his daughter to our house, which he usually does when it's his time to have her, he is watching her at her mom's house while the mom is at work. This makes me VERY uncomfortable, which he knows, because the mom is a very desperate woman who never comes back on time (we're talking will be gone for HOURS and not answer the phone), and who would be with the Boy if she had the chance. Coincidently, the daughter was also sick last weekend when she was supposed to come here.
The Boy's reasoning is that he doesn't want MY daughter to get sick because she has chronic asthma and gets sick very easily and just got off a prednisone course because of a really bad episode. When she gets sick, the potential for her to get pneumonia is high. So, it's like what else can he do?
He knows that it's not about me not trusting him. I trust him. I'm more uncomfortable with the idea of him hanging out in someone's home who is routinely disrespectful to me.
I know the mom wants the happy family and so does his daughter. She always talks about how she wishes her mom could come to our house, how she wishes her dad would live with them, etc. so the idea of him at THEIR house cooking in the kitchen, cleaining up, etc. really hurts even though I know he wants NOTHING to do with that woman. I also think this is why the mom called at 3:30 a.m. because she felt alone dealing with a sick kid and wanted to feel like she had someone else there. I feel like him being in that house, doing the normal things parents do for their children, sends the wrong message to both the mom and the daughter. Period.
So, there was not only the phone call which was upsetting since he didn't put his foot down enough and the fact that he's spending the entire day there. It makes me sad whether or not it should, it does.
He did know exactly why I was upset, but rather than just reassuring me by telling me how much he loves me, how he's going to do everything he can to make it clear she can't just call anytime she wants, how this will NEVER happen again, etc. he just got upset because I didn't want to talk when HE felt like talking about it. So, that just adds insult to injury.
I can totally see both sides here. On one hand it is pretty silly to be upset with someone for being upset... I mean really.
On the other hand.. I am a person who can't sleep when I'm in the middle of a conflict. When I'm upset or someone else is I want to talk about it NOW and just get it over with so I can sleep and everything will be okay. FI and I have gotten into fights because he gets mad and walks out to "cool off" and I just want to talk things out. So... I kind of get where your guy is coming from because its frustrating to just want to talk and get shut down. But, it sounds like he puts you through a lot so maybe he should be more understanding.
@Corgi: That's kind of how I feel too. I understand the frustration of wanting to resolve a conflict, but I feel like I deserve a pass. He is asking me to accept and deal with a lot and to not validate my feelings because they weren't told to him on his timeline just seems wrong. And, honestly, hurts more.
I can relate to this post on many doffernt levels, all of which I won't get into.......... could end up as a novel, lol. However I will add, has he tried counceling or have you tried couples counceling to deal with some of his baggage?
Man of my dreams had just come out of an awful marriage when we first met, then we were together through the whole divorce, custody battle, and everything else. She really did a number on him emotionally.......... so we started therapy.
It helped him see things from a fresh perspective, and learn some ways of how to handle "us" rather than his old habits. (if that makes sense) It also helped me in a sense that I could see exactally where he was coming from, so I knew his hurt and frustrations.
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Long story short, the Boy comes with a lot of baggage. I knew this from day one and can usually deal with it, but sometimes it does get to be overwhelming, especially since he has a hard time enforcing boundaries with people.
Yesterday was one of those days and I was just SUPER upset, and wanting reassurance from him. He knew why I was upset and wanted to force me to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't giving him the silent treatment, or moping or playing mind games, but I was obviously sad (I'm pretty mellow and happy all the time).
This morning I decided to talk to him. I explained why I was (and am) so sad -- not like he didn't know, mind you. Instead of just valdiating my feelings and realizing that I deal with A LOT (more than most people can/would) he just got pissed that I wouldn't talk to him on his time table. He KNEW why I was upset, so it's not like it was a secret.
So, now I'm hurt and mad. I'm looking for an outside opinion... was I totally being unreasonable for wanting to talk about it on MY timetable and not his?