(Closed) Confused… is he stalling? :(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

He doesn’t sound ready to take that step yet… He did have a date to propose though (I remember from your last post). If by that date nothing happened, talk to him about it. In the meantime, try to enjoy your relationship, and might I suggest Mr. Bee’s three step plan?

Post # 4
Member
4510 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ok, I don’t know your guy, so I could be way off–but in general, when a guy is ready to get married, he’ll ask you. All the talk up to the point is, well, just talk, no matter how enthusiastic he seems. 

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Give him time to do things HIS way. While I was “waiting” we’d have ring or wedding converstaions every month or so. We did this for a year and a half. Finally my now FI said, “I can’t ever plan a way to propose to you if we talk about it all the time.” So we stopped talking about it.

Let him have the time to be able to surprise you. If you talk with him about it all the time, he’ll never be able to feel he is catching you off guard.

Also, before my FI proposed, he’d only talk wedding stuff in general terms, now that he has proposed, he’s willing to go down to the courthouse today and get married.

 

Post # 6
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Stop thinking about and stop worrying about it.  Live your life.  There is more to life then planning and getting married.  

If he is not ready and you keep pushing him this whole situation will turn into a disastrous one.  

When he is ready to get married, he will ask you.

Post # 7
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That would make me nervous! If you have a current time to keep quiet and let him do this thing… then I would say wait that time period (a few months?) and see what happens. If there’s no proposal in that time period then maybe you should sit down and have a serious discussion. 

None of us can tell you what’s in his head. The part that makes me nervous is that you think he’s stalling. That’s not so good. But… I just checked your last post and maybe he’s just feeling a little pressured. I would say just give him a few more months to process things. After the holidays bring it up again and see where the timeline stands. 

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i think you know him better than we do.. it does seem like he is making excuses and stalling but he could just feel pressured that you told someone the date b4 actually getting officially engaged and thats making him feel less incontrol that someone else knows about it.. i wouldnt tell ppl anything until u are definitely engaged.. the more he feels pressured the longer he will stall

Post # 10
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you should chill out and stop over-analyzing.  When he’s ready he will ask.  You say you are on the same page.  If you are confident with that, leave it alone.  Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy ๐Ÿ™‚

As I recall from your other posts, you are 22 and have only been together 9 months, and are both still in college?  Take this time to enjoy your relationship without stressing over wedding planning.  I think it is reasonable for your man to want to graduate and get jobs figured out before talking weddings.

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

He was probably just being realistic. If you are in college like Angela83 said, that will be a good idea.

Post # 14
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@misstiny: Ugh. I’d feel ackward if I talked about a date before even being engaged. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what freaked him out. I mean, if you’d had a direct conversation checking-in about your relationship and timeframes that is one thing. But I can see how telling her about a possible date could rub him the wrong way.

Post # 16
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe he’s not as ready as he is letting on? I could be wrong, but if I recall you and your guy have not been together for a very long time, and you are both still in school. In some ways he could not be ready for marriage, even if he loves you and wants to be with you. If I were you I might sit down and see what his concerns are about marriage, and if he would like some time to just not talk about it and enjoy the relationship. 

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