TO – LittleBee84: First off…
I see you are NEW to WBee… so WELCOME to “the Hive”
Looks like you have a bunch of emotions going on… and various concerns that are bothering you.
You are WAITING. And waiting sucks. It naturally leaves you in a state of limbo where it is difficult to look forward or backwards, or to enjoy the present.
I feel for you… and prescribe some (( HUGS )) and also perhaps that you take a look at Mr Bee’s wonderful post here on WBee for Waiting Bees, entitled *Mr Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Back Up Plan) for Getting Engaged* = http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged
LOTS of great advice in that read.
Living Together. I understand your position… every woman is different in what they feel about this topic (same is true of premarital sex… there is no RIGHT or WRONG way… ya do what works for you). IF not living together prior to at least having an Engagement Announcement / Ring is important to you, then you need to convey that info to him (Men are not mind readers). You can do this as part of telling him about your LIFE PLAN.
Every woman should have a LIFE PLAN. An idea (road map) of where they are going in life, and how they wish to get there. Again there is no RIGHT or WRONG way… some of us take a plane, some of us much prefer the train, while others love meandering along on a slow road trip along the back roads. (Anyways you get the idea)
Your LIFE PLAN should be a general statement in regards to things like… I am currently working towards ___, I see myself in ___ job, I want to be engaged by the time I am ___, Because I see myself marrying sometime in ___, I want kids by the time I am ___, I would like a (condo – house – ski chalet – vacation home, etc) in the future
NO ONE can tell you your LIFE PLAN is RIGHT or WRONG or SILLY. So don’t listen to anyone who gives you that nonsense.
Your Man needs to know your LIFE PLAN if you are hoping to have a committed relationship with you… so he knows EVERYTHING that is most important to you going in. LIFE PLANS are launching points for serious discussions. Encourage him to share his… that way you can find out if the other person is insync with your Goals, Dreams, etc. (No point marrying someone who isn’t on the same page for most of the read)
If Being Engaged is a REQUIREMENT for you as a condition of Moving In Together, then he needs to know that upfront.
Getting Engaged. Obviously your guy has this in his LIFE PLAN as he’s told you about it. It is just a matter of WHEN it will happen (Guys don’t vocalize serious stuff… unless they are serious about it… so that is GOOD NEWS). The Downside is they don’t always give us a timeline to work with.
I find your statement…
I just worry that he’s hesitating and is suddenly unsure over whether or not he wants to be with me…
A bit disturbing… as I am not clear from reading your post, WHERE or HOW you came to that possible conclusion.
What I read is a guy who is in planning mode…
Well, a couple of weeks ago he brought it up (out of the blue) and said that he would want to move in together and propose “shortly thereafter”. I became really confused and when I tried to ask what “shortly thereafter” meant, he became defensive and said I should let it be a surprise. I mean, COME ON! Do you mean a week? 6 months? A year!?
He told me that I should just “trust him” and that we should enjoy what we have now.
Honestly, I think you are reading too much into this. What I see here is a man who is preparing to pop the Question. They tend to get all secretive and evasive beforehand… but at the same time they do or say things to “check in” with you to make sure they are on the right track and boost their own confidence (no guy wants to get down on one-knee with an expensive ring in hand, only to get a possible public humiliation that goes with a BIG FAT – NO WAY… NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS)
Truthfully, my guess is your guy could still be on track for your Vacation, or sometime in the not to distant future.
In the meantime, enjoy hanging out on WBee with the other Gals here on the WAITING BOARD (great bunch of folks there), practice Mr Bee’s Plan, and make sure your nails look fantastic around the clock !!
Hope this helps,