- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I cannot even believe that I am finding myself in this situation but I desperately need advice especially from those that might have been in a similar situation.
I have only been married for 2 months and I am already thinking about divorce.
Here is the situation: We had a beautiful amazing wedding full of love. I meant the vows I said and truly felt so much love for my husband in that moment and I felt the love he has for me. The problem is, shortly after returning home from our honeymoon all we have done is fight. He constantly gets in moods and snaps at me or gets frustrated about the smallest things which causes me to get really upset and when I call him out on it it turns into a full blown fight, usually screaming at the top of our lungs.
Unfortunately I had doubts before getting married. I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with, but it seems that we have always gone through up and down periods where we don’t fight at all and then where we fight all the time. I feel that he has always had a bad temper and gets easily irritated. While he can be the sweetest, most romantic, caring person…he can also be very ill tempered and flys off the handle at the smallest things. I had broken up with him about 6 months before we got engaged and told him that I need to be treated with respect all the time and that we needed to take a break and while we did he needed to figure out how we was going to work on himself. We got back together about a month after taking a break and he DID change for about 6 months. We had a great relationship, hardly ever fought, and then it started creeping back. His temper, irritation at things, etc. We started going to counseling and he did always admit that he needed to work on it and that he was going to continue to work on it. It seems like he goes in waves. He will try really hard and we will be great for months and then he will stop trying and we will fight everyday for months.
Anyway, leading up to the wedding our relationship was pretty good. We were hardly fighting and there were times I would look at him and think, “gosh I am so so in love” and think about how lucky I was to have found someone that I love so much. I still love him so much, that hasn’t changed. I did get caught up in the wedding planning and how exciting everything was, especially because we had a big wedding, a lot of people from out of town, etc. etc.
Here is another thing to throw in the mix. When we met, my son was 3 months old. He is from a previous relationship (not marriage) and his father has never been in the picture. When my husband and I met he took him on like his own and is a GREAT father. He loves him and treats him like his own and always has. And my son loves him!
So back to before the wedding…I started to question if this was right. I know men that have had their bad temper turn into verbal abuse and I was very afraid of that happening. It is actually something I have brought up to him several times and he always apologizes but then it seems he doesn’t even try to control his temper or the way he snaps at me sometimes. Because of my son, wedding excitement, etc. I chose to ignore all of the “doubts” I was having and go forward with the wedding. There was never and still isn’t a doubt that I love him, but now I worry I made a mistake and that this could end in a long road of heartbreak. We have gotten in several blow up fights, I mean BLOW up, both of us threatening our relationship, me leaving for the night, never ever physical, but just a lot of yelling and screaming. Then we both apologize, move on and he says he is going to work on it and does for about a week until the next fight.
I honestly feel like I am going crazy. I don’t want my son to be in an environment where he thinks this is normal. He is now 2 and learning to repeat things and even knows when we fight that it is not good. I try to speak with my husband away from him, but he is 2 so its not like we can leave him by himself while we go talk in the other room.
I think of marriage as for better or worse. I have never believed in divorce except for in certain circumstances, and I really do not want to get divorced. But I do feel like I could end up in a verbally abusive relationship if this continues. I don’t want to be one of those women that writes on here in 20 years and talks about how I’ve hated my life and I’ve stuck with this man who is mean to me for 20 years just because. I know life is short and I know I deserve to always be treated with respect. I know people get irritated and they snap and the reason we fight is because I call him out on it EVERY SINGLE TIME. I never let him get away with it, never once, so that is why we get in huge arguments because in the moment he doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong and I tell him everytime he needs to change and realize the way he talks to me sometimes and that I will not stand for it. And then everytime he apologizes and tells me he is sorry and will work on it, etc. etc. I just don’t know how much longer I want to hear that same thing over and over.
Anyway I don’t know what to do. I want to try and save our marriage but I don’t want to regret this down the road. I would be so humiliated if I left our marriage after two months but also want the best for my son and don’t want to be stuck in a situation I can’t get out of, please help!